Cafe A La Turca De Zahir

BAKU - July 1st, 2009 - The End

2009-07-05T13:47:00.003-04:00

In this blog, you all witnessed the story of one Turkish man in love with an Azeri women.

This is the table from a cozy guesthouse in Baku.

Well, it is not just a table.

On July 1st, 2009 - For the first (and last) time, families of both sides met here at 11.30pm

I am not that of a crazy narrator to write about all the odds.

Unfortunately, this love story, so called "aşk", began on 2004 August in Arizona (USA) and finally ended on 2009 July in Baku (Azerbaijan).

Of course, my tears did not create another Caspian Sea in Istanbul, but my heart is left in Baku.

There is no taste in anything anymore. After a five year struggle and patience for this notorious lady, it is quite hard to digest her engagement with another man.

Maybe, another five years from now, when I get married and have kids, I will have a good story to tell to them, and I will preserve all these feelings to reflect on a 400-page book and share with the world at what level love can get!

I am glad that I kept my promise and made my marriage proposal with my family to Zahir and her family around this table on a windy night in Baku.

Yes, it was a marriage proposal for a 22-year-old lady who was already engaged with another man!

I will keep telling everyone that nobody will love her as much as I did, do, will.

But, this finite life forces us to re-route our ways.

Long live the love of Cafe & Zahir.

Rest in peace...

The Picture of 24 June

2009-06-24T10:57:00.001-04:00

Tell me if I didn't come?

2009-06-22T04:26:00.002-04:00

Famous singer from Turkey: Barış Manço sings about what I feel right now.

Lyrics (Turkish):

Sıra sıra dağlardan erişilmez yaylalardan
Kuş uçmaz kervan geçmez bilinmez binbir yoldan
Gel dedinde gelmedim mi söyle gelmedim mi söyle gelmedim mi
Aman hele hele sultan zalım zalım sultan söyle söyle
Söyle gelmedim mi söyle gelmedim mi
Aman hele hele sultan zalım zalım sultan söyle

Gül yüzünden bal yanaktan sırma saçtan al dudaktan
Kumru gibi kaçan gözden ince belden al topuktan
Sev dedinde sevmedim mi söyle sevmedim mi söyle sevmedim mi
Aman hele hele sultan zalım zalım sultan söyle söyle
Söyle sevmedim mi söyle sevmedim mi
Aman hele hele sultan zalım zalım sultan söyle

Barış kul sana kurban yoktur derdime derman
Hançerini vur sineme çok naz ettin zalım sultan
Öl de gayri öleyim mi söyle öleyim mi söyle öleyim mi
Aman hele hele sultan zalım zalım sultan söyle söyle
Söyle öleyim mi söyle öleyim mi
Aman hele hele sultan zalım zalım sultan söyle

15th June 1993, Azerbaijan Independance Day - "Milli Qurtuluş Günü"

2009-06-15T08:06:00.003-04:00

I promise to write in detail about the importance of this day, 15th June 1993, the independence day of Azerbaijan.

The Zahir will be our guest speaker.

I will be back for more information. For now, we keep crossing the fingers to end this story with happy marriage!

Short, T-Shirt, and Sandals in the office

2009-06-12T09:28:00.002-04:00

It is getting pretty warm in Istanbul, and as I watch from the left side weather report, Baku is hot as well.

It is not a matter of time anymore.

It is all about making the right moves on time, that's it.

I had good stuff in mind as I was driving to work around midday. Now, all is gone. So, they were fake?

Everyday I cry out her name, and it feels like shoveling the big deep hole underground. I miss those old days, when I used to shovel and I find myself inside the hole at the height of myself. It was good times, because that was a perfect example of my escape from this earthy world. Those desires, greed, pleasure hunters, etc. What I had in mind was very simple and basic. What she has in mind is pretty close to what I got. What irritates me is this long-waited interaction.

I keep shoveling and I know when I will find water.

I do swallow my vitamins and I still feel lousy, just don't want to wake up.

Her present of beads are always kept under my pillow.

She is not here physically, yet she is right next to me.

Still awaiting for the eternal "breath in - breath out"

From two-digit numbers to one :)

2009-06-08T13:00:00.004-04:00

I don't want to measure the time past anymore, because I am excited about the upcoming future.

Is it still one plus one equals two? Not anymore. I am one, and she is the only one, and we will be one, because it just doesn't make sense to say "two of us", since there is no "us". I am she, she is me. The most beautiful thing is that we finished counting down the two-digit numbers.

I don't mind pressing #9 para service en Espanol. Let the world speak French, I don't mind. I still pick up some words. I preserved my own language of love, and she speaks this very well. I guess we may need a translator to begin with, and then we can make two, three, four...Little fellas. Like those babies. It is not their cry when they are born. They will be actually yelling to me, because I am the scapegoat forever to postpone this one plus one bargain.

I am not looking at her like the water in the jar, yet I have a glass to fill. So, we need to be like a well. Eat well, communicate well, live well, and feed our well of love forever. I never see our well go drought, though it was not taken care for a while, still it was raining in Baku today, so the fertility rate should go up.

Our love doesn't rely on the price of oil.

Our future doesn't rely on the egos of surrenders.

Nice to meet you!

Could you please pass me the nepkin? I just have these last tear drops to clean, and then I will wear my sunglasses.

It is summer, and the day begins quite early.

We still have a little bit of time for lunch.

Don't we?

or

Don't U&I?

or

Don't U? Because, I do.

I already begin shouting "I do, I do"

Прохладно (It's cool)

2009-06-05T10:23:00.002-04:00

During the friendly soccer match between Turkiye and Azerbaijan, I could not support any sides, only wish that the score will be a draw, no goals at all. I looked at each Azeri player as the Zahir. That was a strange feeling. The game was not entertaining at all. I wasn't watching the game, even. It was just like a mirror to her heart, or mind, somewhere around her neck, maybe just a quick hick-up. I would have baloons/balloons flying over the big stadium, crying out the letters carefully selected, or hand-picked from the garden of her name.

The load of work is in queue right now, and the most strange thing is happening right now, having no idea about the upcoming future. Sometimes, I feel like I am praising the highest mountain in the world. Telling all about her trees, flowers, bugs, sweets, and all the creatures and flora covering her. Beneath the ground, there are all kinds of gem. I am supposed to be a gem for her, and she discovered this quite a long time ago. For now, this gem is buried way down the beautiful flora covering all over the land. I am simply curious, how much further oxygen do I have in my nostrils that soon I will lie down and realize I am lost.

All I trying to do here is to shout out my existense, long awaited feelings with well-preserved aroma. My desire will never go stale, and it will evaporate if she doesn't put her lid on me. That's the whole story.

Days are counting down, and this is the only motivation growing within...and without?

End of May is just the beginning of MY..

2009-05-31T08:42:00.002-04:00

It is the end of May, date 31st.
But, tomorrow we will begin from the 1st, and this first will be stronger and more fresh..

Cafe Familia welcomed the idea of Cafe a la Turca de Zahir, more than ever.

Now, awaiting news from the other side of the ocean.

There is no more bottles floating over the sea.

My message is not stuck in a bottle, it is all over.

Now, it is the time.
Tomorrow is not another today.

Of course, the future will have reflections of the past and present, and we have the energy to cleanse by communication because we believe.

Everybody has a lot to share for sure. Just need the platform, we all have the mics and speakers ready.

It was only me, now it is the full house asking you darling:

"Are you ready?"

28 may - Azərbaycanın Respublika günü & 29 may - Conquest of Istanbul (Fall of Constantinople)

2009-05-30T04:55:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, 1918 was the foundation of Azerbaijan.
Today, 1453 was the conquest of Istanbul.
Tomorrow, 2009 will be just another day of dreaming for her, but feeling the guilt to row this boat faster and faster to conclude this journey with happiness we both deserve.
Thinking about all the obstacles both our countries passed up until now, my struggle is nothing compared to these historical moments. But, when my struggle becomes "our" precious struggle, it is worth a candidate for Oscar, or Cannes, whichever film festival you will nominate us.

Note: This should be posted yesterday, but the computer got locked, so please date this post as 29th May. I wish, as the narrator I can also make some bigger changes in dates like making today mid-July, and ....., well never mind.

Inbounds

2009-05-28T06:55:00.003-04:00

If I am the only ball in the stadium and each others families are simply playing games, and you, the Zahir, is just sitting in the lobby seat eating caviar and watching the game with a binocular to check every punches and kicks I get all over my circular body, this is not fair.

The weather is fair in Baku today, but this is not fair.

Now, she is on my background of the laptop, and I kiss the screen every once in a while. I hope the screen doesn't contain any hazardous pieces that will conquer my body entering from my lips through my heart, and then easily kill my love, my love to hold on to this stressful life playing soap opera type games, unlike the ongoing match in the stadium.

Same feeling fills the blanks in my mind as I look back at the picturesque buildings going with the ferry crossing Bosphorus. But, I see the sunshine when I look at the front, it was early Wednesday, just coming back from a drop-off to airport.

Making 140km with the car, is fine, but when I reach to 160km, it gets windy, and I hardly handle. I have to watch my front, because any mistake turn will heavily move the car to any side. I also keep my rear mirror and check back, if there is any other fast car following me and or trying to pass me. I am not stubborn to keep the left lane busy, or be the king of this particular lane waving all the cars on my right. Though, I am stubborn to be the king and try to make her my queen, because she long deserved it, and there is no equivalent king around her that will make her queen. Let's make it prince and the princess, because this title is more adorable for such a beauty. Queen may make her look old.

I have to print her photo right away, because I cannot continue to kiss the screen. I keep her present of traditional Azeri beads under my pillow every night to dominate my dreams with her interference, and last night she was holding my hands again, even more stronger. I wonder what Jannah and Omar will think of this, when they sit on my laps and do not have any idea what obstacles were put in front of their big Hello to this cosmic land, so called "The Earth"

I wish they also take a photo from the space and see which lovers are the most passionate towards each other, and I wonder if they will be able to see the thermal heat transfer between them. From Istanbul to Baku, if it is quite a distance, and I believe the heat will be still red enough to be seen clearly from the outer space. The long distance may uniformly distribute it, so the redness may lose some hue or saturation, but as I said, I feed it every second, but kissing her photo, or falling into dreams at night, or just seeing her anywhere I look. She was reflected on the tap in the morning. I had a very bad face in the morning, just woke up from a long sleep, due to a tiring 2-day work. But, the tap was smiling to me, ready to wash my face, and prepare me for another unexpected and full-of-not-enough-time work day. There is no office hours for me, just like there is no love moments for me for now. I create these moments on my own, send short RSS feeds to her heart without receiving any wavelengths from the Western shores of the Caspian sea. I feel the readiness of the dish we will eat together, but I am very cautious not to forget any spices and drinks. My no-dessert fight still continues, though my arms are quite weak always typing but not throwing any balls to the hoop and practice. I go out, I promise, and I will shoot the ball 1,000 times every morning. For the first few days, my arms will sore, but they should be ready to carry your heavily filled heart from any distance. My mind and heart are all ready, just physically I guess, the arms should be more muscular in order to carry your heart, as I say..

Your heart which was subject to many breaks, some due to my fallacies, some due to cosmic failures, and some just happened for no reason maybe. But believe me, I also had breaks and maybe for manhood reasons, these breaks are now strongly reconstructed like a gas pedal. We shall move on, Jannah and Omar are waiting impatiently. I have a small car for now, but as I said, it could go 160km and more.

I am pressing the gas pedal, and I have my seatbelt on, don't worry.

I am coming, don't worry, but please keep your arms open.

I open my arms wide and they are on the last stage to be sufficiently muscular.

I am driving 160km and more..

Please let us drive smoothly from now on...

RSS Feeds To Her Heart

2009-05-25T15:11:00.002-04:00

I just want to send instant RSS feeds to her heart, no matter what time.

Dreaming?

Hello, I was just on my way, still I catch you in your dreams :)

Working?

Hello, I just wanted to check if you need tea, coffee, something?

Cooking?

Hello, I just wanna watch you cooking, I am not hungry, really.

Walking?

Hello, I just want to..well, just want to be your shadow, for now.

Missing?

Hello, I am missing, too. Could we try to click the search button one last time?

Fajr

2009-05-24T13:27:00.002-04:00

The fasting time of Ramadan is approaching, and summer is yet to begin its high temperatures very soon.

Something very important. It was like a warning.

I heard from my friend, "Don't forget Fajr".

It was true that I was very inclined to follow every fajr, at least decided to follow after one try, and most of the time that try was a result of a sleepless night.

It is never easy to wake up so early and do your prayer. And, it is never easy to love a girl who is all surrounded with pessimistic clouds washing her brain every second. It is not as bad as acid rain, and I am getting very anxious because each day there is some sort of news, or a story I hear about her beautiful country, and I keep fasting and let myself clear from any type of dessert, only fruits are allowed, since the real dessert is her eyes.

Eating 4 baklava equals to a sneak peak to her eyes.
Eating 1/2 kg of baklava equals to watching her a few miles away from her.
Eating 1kg of baklava equals to staring her.
And so on...

I don't want to eat baklava.

I want to invite us into the kitchen of the most famous baklava house in Turkey and just begin to produce together. We are only allowed to consume the time ahead of us, quite economically. We already crossed out the things that do not appeal to us, like shouting, or arguing for very small details like mini skirt, etc. As I look back, it was very childish, whereas there is a very bright life beyond that..

Here is the call of the prayer, and it is 8.32pm in the city of Istanbul. What a beauty we are all donated to have a full variety of beautiful voices of imams calling the athan from each minaret. Even for a person hesitant for prayers, it is a celebration to stop for a moment and think once again that we will finally say goodbye to this world. For some of us, it is just a plain craziness, some greed with some joy. All I could verify is to keep each string tight enough not to let anybody down. Seconds are passing, and I have a few shopping bags to fill before we arrange the final countdown.

I love her and I love everyone who is around her, and I just don't understand why there is no single volunteer around her encouraging her to say a few words about us, that's plain pain

I am done with listening to this music. I want action, and I want this Bosphoruse canal to merge and make the European side join the Asian side. I don't want those big container ships to pass by anymore. They are dangerous for our relationship. Those big "uncertainities"

I can favor a mysterious faced girl on Fashion TV, but in the next couple of seconds, I will forget her name. Same story with anybody I would come across in this life. Just a short breeze in the air, whereas I continue to cry her name at least ten times in every hour or so. Still, it is not enough.

This sunday was a terrible day. Horrible moments without any single branch to hold on. Forced myself to sleep, and finally I had a chance to find her, and thanks to Allah that she was holding my hand, but not yet looking at my face.

Then I remember holding her pursue at the ATM. That was an eternal moment. That was a simple declaration of our togetherness, behaving naturally like we are one person, and we understand each other.

There is just too many options in the market, and why I don't hesitate to continue to fight.

Is it love?

Is it obsession?

....

It is life.

There is just one earthy life happening now, and almost 24 years past without the flame.
As they do in pre-historic times, we tried to create the flame together, but the rush of 21st century washed us over and all the dilemmas, bias, misunderstanding took us way back.

Now, I don't even accept the match, or a lighter.

I am already like a volcano, and I say no to those who will try to take us apart. It was a challenge, and each game has a life cycle. It could be 90 minutes in a soccer match, or 40 minutes for a basketball match.

It has been 24 years and it is getting late. If there is one life to live and share, it is all yours, my Zahir. Whatever you like, however you feel.

Everything seems meaningful when it is shared. Today, I don't eat the dessert, tomorrow I may not eat anything other than soup. And, soon, I may just drink water. Last, I may just shut my mouth. And, then?

Simple goodbye to the earthy passions and desires...

If there is time to fight, I was aware of this time period since the biggest departure four years ago. Each minute, I tried to progress, rather than sitting in one office and follow the guidance of the manager and stay at the same exact point of business all my life.

I progress, I am having a progressive love.

It is plain pleasure to meet you in my dreams for now, and then I will wake up very early in the morning with the responsibility to fulfill the day with everything needed to be accomplished in order to progress one more step towards getting you.

Yes, it is getting you. Becuase, I want you, and anybody witnessing these words are aware of the volcano.

Please don't let it sit so long, 'cos I want to give us a birth before the day of my birth.

"Seni Çok Seviyorum."*

2009-05-20T15:12:00.002-04:00

*I love you very much

The title speaks for itself.

It is 10.12pm, and when I get back home the day would be over, and for sure, she will be sleeping. From the first sneak peak to the day in the morning with a sudden crash of love just like the top of an ice-cream with some caramel sauce, or chocolate, you decide.

It is 10.14pm, and when I get back home, the night would be almost over, and for some reason, she will not show up, or just hiding under the pillow.

It is getting very late, and I keep swimming until I reach to the island where we are only allowed to take three things (that I already decide).

They are...

Zahir,
Zahir,
and
Zahir

Failed to Load

2009-05-15T14:33:00.002-04:00

Of course, when I have lots of enthusiasm to write, the weather report for Baku fails to load. What would you think? Yes, ironically, there is no news from Baku, yet, although a report has been filed a few hours ago.

I found out why I am obsessed with this particular woman.

She is more than a woman!

She is a friend, she is a mom, she is a girl, she is a celebrity, she is a prayer, she is everything. And, just like a candy for a child, or a hot oven for an old pal, she is unreachable, for now.

The uncertainty hurts not only her, but also me. As I approach to the certainty slowly, she is also drifting away from me, or just escaping to the "reality".

So, what is real?

Is it hidden behind the castle of your surroundings? What is it?

I am getting more hectic, yet still humble to embrace the eternal end.

How would you like the end? Or, to be continued.

Please, skip the commercial, I didn't record these moments, I know, I am just living it, but I should have a chance to move fast forward. Yes, as fast as possible. We are not traveling on the camel back anymore. Well, take the plane, still it is slow. Why she is not living next door? How would you feel if you fall in love with a women living next door, and you NEVER have a chance to see her. No talks, nothing.

Only a simple good morning around 6am every once in three months. I'd exaggerate and make this one year, but three months is fair enough.

So?

Would you be obsessed like me and feed your passion with almost nothing happening, just by imagination and prayers?

The phone will not ring, never, of course.

I don't expect any reply, of course.

I am just getting ready for the next step, make a global "warming."

This should work, if all post offices will be loyal to each other, and for once in a lifetime, they will deliver their letters on the same exact date.

I don't expect this to happen, but hope all letters will be delivered.

My kids will see the postcard on the wall of the kitchen, and verify how crazy I am and she is.

Her craziness has been proven in the past, but for now, she is in fact dead silent.

Being dead silent, doesn't mean her love is dead. It has been buried according to her surroundings, but..

It is unlike a VISA card, not every shop accepts my type of passion. Fortunately.

I opened an account in her bank, and I owe lots of work for her special arrangement since I am not a citizen of this ...

Glad to know they still sell flowers. I thought, I would just download a program in my cell phone, and send a text message when I come next to her. No talks, just text messaging. Only max. 10 characters are allowed. Unlike ordinary 160 characters or so.

Only 10.

What would I say?

I love you is too classic and will be meaningless.

I hate you is saved for the moments when we remember our past struggles together.

"I and You for Ever" makes more than 10 characters, I guess, I don't count it now, I will not count it, because I know what I am gonna say.

"Merhaba"

It means "Hello" in Turkish.

Yes, a simple "merhaba"

Guess?

Not much, it is just like reaching the shore after fighting with all the storms in the ocean ALONE.

From now on, togetherness will secure a common interest in further storms and pleasures which are eventually combined to make up this world around us.

Dear Zahir,

Merhaba!

Sinking in tenderless gulfs

2009-05-13T16:10:00.003-04:00

Y: Oh, you are back.
C: I've been in line waiting all day, so what's up?
Y: Same o' same, any news?
C: For sure, as expected, nothing!
Y: Still sinking right?
C: I told you, if I sink, it will be the Caspian Sea, so my scent will add a flavor to the usual odour of petrol. Locals will be confused which scent is more precious, but the climate of unconsciousness and unknown end will never disappear.
Y: What do you mean?
C: I will always love her. No matter what, I am fully dedicated as I am counting down my last seconds.
Y: Did you dive before?
C: Yes, it was about 50 ft above the sea, from a cliff down to a meteor pit. I was feeling great at the end, but don't ask me how and why I decided to jump, the height was pretty scary.
Y: Why do you keep waiting?
C: For what?
Y: For...you know...a sound from the East. I know, we all know, the Sun rises from the East, and they wake up before us, they go to bed while we make our supper, or eat a late nite snack, oh well, maybe doing the night time prayer, etc. So, they are one step further from us. You seem to be chasing her, but you know what I mean. Maybe, like... Somebody, a competitor, there is just so many there, you know, all man, perfect men, rich men, this men, that men..
C: Stop, wait a second!
Y: You seem to begin a certain motion of wave, but then it suddenly stopped, and..
C: Do you ever give up?
Y: ....why...?
C: Do you ever give up when you hustle and struggle so much so long?
Y: Well, I play logical, I make my moves, if I am about to lose, I just leave it there, and move on.
C: So, you are afraid to lose?
Y: Well, sort of!
C: I am not. I want to win, and I am stubborn, more than ever. It is like playing chess in the World Championship, and I feel like I am representing both countries at the same time, since I hear no notice of breath from her.
Y: It is difficult.
C: We all have two choices. Difficult and easy. Sometimes, they mix it, and we happen to get a mild one, not sour, nor sweet.
Y: Are you still cooking?
C: Not until, we have our own kitchen.
Y: We?
C: We are the champions? Remember the song.
Y: Forever?
C: Until the last breath.
Y: What was the song's title? Or the verse? Breath in breath out..
C: I have a couple of friends, but I hesitate to ask them, because that Russian song seems to be overload of love that they may not be able to handle and lose the feeling of pure translation to me. But, I read a rough translation, and I almost get what is going on there. It is not as much as I live with my Zahir, still somehow relative story.
Y: What is your reaction? Or, let's put it this way. What is you re-action?
C: Life is a cycle, and we need to unload some of our bags of behavior, especially those behavior that hurts our relationship. I thought that I left them in the US, but I just realized about a couple of them. I have a few weeks until I cleanse, tone, moisturize and protect my skin from those bags. They are in the Bosphorus, and the strong current will take it either to the Black Sea or the Mediterrean.
Y: Did you eat "dolma"?
C: Do you smell it?
Y: Well, yeah, was it delich?
C: Not the olive oil type, it was with meat, so little heavy, but a usual ceremony of celebration by the stomach. Maybe a little surprise travel of "dolmas" with a smooth wind from Istanbul to Baku, what do you think?
Y: The olive oil may leak. Risky.
C: Life is already risky with all the surrounding "we" have treating "our" relationship somehow weird, out of the world.
Y: Did you report to NASA?
C: Yes, they are arranging a special vacation house for "us", so we will just get away and watch "them" from the outer space and send our prayings. Of course, this is science fiction. The real drama begins when two families meet.
Y: You are funny.
C: Life is funny, after all the struggle we live and weight our passion with the patience we bear until the last moment we keep each other's breath in breath out.

Drop on the spoon or in the ocean?

2009-05-12T11:30:00.002-04:00

Do you have empathy? You could be sympathetic, though do you also put yourself in others shoes when you judge them? I don't feel like to speak about our different "courts" of justice. But, I really feel like feeling like a drop in your surrounding, anywhere, a small pond next to your apartment as a result of yesterday's rain, or a drop in Caspian Sea, or another (lemon) drop on your eating spoon for the last night's soup.

Nobody asked my ticket when I entered the theater, and nobody directed me to my seat. Nobody seated me, and nobody said "pardon" when they walk to their seats in front of me. Is it being nobody in the community, or being somebody in your own world. It was like being a single drop. Please, don't let your tears drop anymore, because I just cleaned the floor, when I say single, it is like one single apple, like being two in one. Otherwise, I need to put the sign "Caution: Wet Floor"

I just don't want any one of us to drop anymore. The two halves of the apples are losing their freshness. Could you please pass me the lemon, I shall squeeze a few drops to keep it fresh. Yes, lemon please. It is sour, I know, but the oasis is not for us. We shall move on to reach to our cozy waterfront. Check out the ocean, walk in the beach, or dive into the forest to meet some other creatures. They all know about us, don't worry, we are not going to be strangers.

It was a single drop for about 1,700 days ago. Now, it is an ocean, and the global warming doesn't affect us somehow. Please, pass me the salt, I know it is not that healthy, but I will add some salt on this most recent lemon drop, because it is very sour, because you still hesitate!

Let's avoid the salt, and stay healthy.

Let's pick up the lemons from the tree on our backyard, and begin to seize the special moment when those lemons turn from green to yellow. We need to catch the seconds together, short sentences, but powerful words...Is it love?

I am sorry!

2009-05-12T04:33:00.002-04:00

I am sorry that when I should stay up and do the night prayer, I put myself into sleep.
I am sorry that when I had a chance to take a break from sleep at 2.30am, I forced myself to sleep.
I am sorry that when I was about to wake up at 7.20am, I preferred to sleep.
Sleep, sleep, sleep...

Shed your light on my eyes, so I could cut my sleeping time and invest in our future.

I don't want to sleep anymore!

Departed or Deported

2009-05-11T03:14:00.002-04:00

Unlike seeing the other driver with the sunglasses on the rear window, and then remember that I forgot to wear mine, I never happen to see the couples walking on the street as a reminder for my Zahir. I prefer to watch my back as I drive, as it shows my past. Inshallah, I am pretty sure about my future as I grow my imagination within the realm of possibilities. Still, we are not sure about the next second in our lives, that's true. It is a virtue to look at the past and digest it well enough to avoid the same mistakes happen in the future.

I am digesting now.

It is getting a little bit late, I know, but I am eating slow.

The reflections continue to grow at any second, thanks to Allah we have those prayers to keep us on track protecting us from the jealous eyes of others. The story of the evil eye is very much related to the jealousy of others, it is sort of protection.

Some words make the eyes cry, some eyes merely tell the words. As soon as I see her, I shall not talk, because my wholesome face will tell everything about how upset I feel about the failures in the past, and how passionate I desire for the future.

Some feelings are being deported, some of them are and will be well-departed for the trip.

It is a trip of life, and the clock is still ticking since the first time I looked at her.

Testimonials

2009-05-09T14:24:00.004-04:00

Of course, at the top of the list we have:

"I love her" with "I want her happiness" in addition to "I can make her happy" and "I will do everything for her"

The rest of the testimonial will be needless. It would be like searching for the needle in the sack of hay.

Watching the wild life is laying some groundwork for our behavior. As we all know, the biggest danger for the wild life is man. In our relationship, I see the distance as the biggest danger for us. Though, if we look from the optimistic side, it was a lot further before. In these days, we are just stretching it, and try not make our lives as wild. At the end, we are also mankind, but we have beautiful minds to "make good decisions" as one of teachers used to say.

I don't try to make this film "action & cut" all the time. We had quite a bit of cuts in the past. It is time for some genuine action. It is not deep frozen. These actions have deep roots underground, and they have been growing for more than 1,700 days. Even one second seems a lot today, how did these days pass by? How many stars we counted as we were sitting on the bench? How many airplanes we've seen and show it to each other, as the sky was too large and our eyes were like radar to point out the airplane before each of us.

She is the finest image and the beauty in this natural world as we are all governed by this usual natural selection process. This is a natural behavior from a romantic side. If you lift the carpet, don't be afraid, there is no dust, as I clear out my hatred to this distance every second. There is no argument with the coincidences and consequences. It is plain challenge, and I am slowly preparing my 4x4 truck to drive us together. We shall go to Africa to see the meerkat manor, they are cute. Maybe, they have something to tell us for our future. Enough with the Turkish Coffee grounds which keep getting us closer, but still we are apart. As I continue to slip my tongue and drop some feelings into this well, I hear no sound. I always believed that I put all my energy to stock enough struggle to last forever.
What is the worst struggle in this survival of the fittest world?
Is it being apart and growing the world's largest botanic garden with your tears?
or, is it living a happy, very happy, the happiest life in front of "jealous" eyes?

Our tears have been flowing to Caspian Sea for a while, and we are about to beat the smell of the petrol. Things are changing, world is still moving, and we are aging, thus we are changing as well.

In our house, I will put out a history timeline and specify each important date, sometimes referring to each others passport, sometimes quoting the messages we sent to each other. This timeline will personalize the past, and keep us stronger. The kids will see this and ask why? We will all blame me, of course. I had the key to open the door within the palm of my hands, but I dropped it as I flew back to the US for some "ambitions", but I never ever forget and change my original destination. Still, "us" is within the realm of possibilities, and "I" shall continue hard to bring the Zahir back on track, this time with the most concrete plans ever.

Don't judge us as the best engineers in life. We just need a shelter, but I wanted to build a multi-story villa where we can have our dog barking outside, organic fresh veggies and fruits growing. This is not a dream, but includes some imagination, and it is the same amount of positive energy built up the imagination after the moment I saw the Azerbaijan flag in the basketball/tennis court on campus in the middle of a dessert where you will not consider such a meeting.

As I watched the wild life series on BBC, there was one observer/researcher who followed gorillas for 10 years. After five years of patience, gorillas admitted him as a part of their family, and never bothered. He just follow, never get aggressive, same colors of clothes. As he says, in the beginning it was impossible. Everything seems impossible in the beginning. We as a community make those requirements, like going to college, getting a job, sweating 9-6pm, and etc. In the meantime, we don't mind to think about the "other" side, those have dreams.

I dreamed for this life, and I will keep the 4x4 truck with good maintenance until I am ready to drive from Istanbul to Baku for 1,100 miles (around 1,700 km)

The observers are so accustomed to the past failures, the clouds are never disappearing to let the sun during the day, and moon during the night illuminate our way. The patience is a virtue, but I need a hand to continue fighting. My windscreen wipers are quite fast, but the clouds are dropping so much rain that I am unable to see the front. Please, help me get away with the "others" continuous passion to make decisions for our lives, and let me drive securely. No matter what, I am stubborn and determined as a natural goal-oriented person. The goal is not a single event of wedding. The goal is to provide a life we deserve together.

There will be struggles in the future, and this is the way of life. But, please stop growing more pessimistic clouds, as I just raised my red flag, because I am about to sink down the Caspian Sea.

Each happening is a trial to find her reflection. Driving on the highway, researching on the internet, listening to music, eating breakfast, walking on the seaside, everything. There she is, there I am. We are essentially not migrating birds, but we can let some of our feelings to migrate and then open up some space for embracing happiness. Please be relieved, nobody is perfect, but we can be aware of our fallacies, and try to patch them. As I said before, there is not enough light to film, so let's move on and carry the gray clouds away, far away, until we are together, then we can fight with those gray clouds together, even by talking over the phone. Compared to the wild life flirting, mine is neither wild, nor chill. I just need an idea of how big is this ocean of blue, because I am almost lost within this blue, but I hear no sound from the city of Baku.

OK, there is sound, and it came right on time, as I was having the worst 5 minutes of my life over the phone. This footage is taken in Baku, Azerbaijan, in front of the Government House which has a magnificent architecture.

Dance of the Fountains in front of the Government House in Baku, Azerbaijan

In this post, I also like to share the lyrics of the song - "Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars"

The biggest question is being asked in this song, as well.

Would you lie with me and just forget the world? Because, it is the world so far playing its tricks and putting building blocks in front of us. Patience. Not many blocks left to clear, and we all know the time is still ticking. Yes, I know very much, I guess we both know the value of time.

"Chasing Cars"

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Push-Button World

2009-05-09T06:47:00.003-04:00

If it is scheduled, there is no problem. But, when it is a surprise visit, it is ruining her life.

This is a push button world.

It begins cracking my head as soon as I push the power button of my laptop. It is sick. Just too many feelings, yet only a few of them deserved a space here.

I always wonder what happens to the tap water when we turn it off. How does the water feel? Just because you have the control to release it, the water has no right to decide? Does the water want to come out, or move into different taps through different pipes? Does it have a certain route of flow? Which tap is the favorite one? And, the most important question is; hot or cold?

If I am the water in her apartment's pipes, I don't mind to be filtered, or heated, or put in the refrigerator, as long as I end up seeing her. If I am the pipe connected to her tap, I will be keeping my body stainless steel and avoid the rust.

It is a push button world, we love, we hate, and we forget.

Indeed, my world doesn't allow any lover's game. I could be now thrown out of her galaxy, and be treated as Pluto, whereas she is the Venus. Yes, it is quite a bit of distance between us, temporarily.

I am slowly entering her galaxy, and soon I will be the Jupiter with a circle around my belly. Oh, no, I don't belly-dance, please! But, that circle could be the stars circling around my head after her shouting over the phone. It created some significant dizziness.

Would you like some tea?

Well, I miss her "shirin" tea. It is sweet, yet no sugar, only served with natural jam.

Is there any dessert after the meal?

Well, sorry, I have no appetite to celebrate. I only eat to survive. It is not a pleasure unless it is shared with her. Of course, it is always a grateful moment, whereas millions are starving outside. But, don't you realize how many people are starving for a strong, trustworthy, sincere, honest, emotional, powerful relationship. The targeted ads for "matching" services are rising. I don't understand how come I can think of somebody else when I am starving for her presence. And, inshallah when we are together, how come I can think of somebody else when I am praying to Allah everyday for making my ("our") dreams come true.

Who is that somebody else?

and, Why?

I am driving in the traffic, and somebody is harassing everyone in the traffic by breaking the rules and using the emergency lane. Where is all those humane feelings we all supposed to have somewhere hidden in our mind over belly or under belly, whichever is preferred.

I am driving in the traffic, and I will not harass anyone by using the emergency lane.
I am simply waiting for the weather calm down and see the blue.

It will be blue, it has to be blue, because this sorrow should not continue forever. We all have lives to live, lips to kiss, feet to dance, hands to touch, eyes to meet, etc.

There is one phrase - Loving the Creator due to the creations.

It is a blank page without her. But, we have so many thoughts to share that the expected life period should be barely enough for us to fill those blank pages together. We all created those blank pages together, like putting the flour and making bread in the oven. They are fresh, and as I posted yesterday, we shall illuminate the world together more than 1.000.000 hours.

It is a push button world, and I shall hit the publish post button, and I don't know when and where these proud and lucky letters will meet her to tell her how much I miss her to kiss her.

Until we share a dessert together, I am fasting. I could remember the day we went to "Gud Peçka" to pick up one of her favorite desserts. I thank Allah that we are all humans and we are all miracles in this finite world. How fresh the memories are and how long they will be able to feed my thirst for her?

Evolution of Love

2009-05-08T08:38:00.003-04:00

FYI:

"güzel" means nice in Turkish.
"yaxhsi" means nice in Azeri.

Light bulb images are taken from MTC Led Solutions catalog.

(One Day) We Will Meet....Yes, We Will

2009-05-07T17:53:00.007-04:00

An old Turkish song says it all:
"Surely, we will meet one day!"

It is better to think about "the future's will be" than getting anxious about "today's could be"

We messed up a load of time with dreams and constructing lots of sentences with "the past's could be", and all were just beginning to turn out to be simple lies, or impossibilities.

But, there is one more possibility!

Neither the past, nor today will humiliate our future. As an half of the apple, I will not let any sides to go brown. We are well-wrapped up and kept fresh. It is quite uncommon nowadays, as we consume everything fast paced, and imagining this love to stay fresh for more than five years is unbelievable. But, thinking for the possibility!
Just listen to another old Turkish song.

Bir ihtimal daha var o da ölmek mi dersin
Söyle canım ne dersin
Vuslatın başka alem sen bir ömre bedelsin
Sen bir ömre bedelsin
Sükut etme nazlı yar beni mecnun edersin
Beni mecnun edersin
Vuslatın başka alem sen bir ömre bedelsin
Sen bir ömre bedelsin

My rough translation to English :)
There is just another possibility
Do you think it is the death
Tell me dear what do you think
Longing for you is another life, you are worth a life
You are worth a life
Don't stay silent, you are making me "mecnun*"
You are making me "mecnun*"
Longing for you is another life, you are worth a life
You are worth a life

*dangerously in love :)

Her intuition vs. my strong belief about "our" future.

It is "our" since this is not an agreed point yet, and the jury will decide whether the court should take necessary approval to remove the quotation marks and just release US.

I am my own sincere lawyer whereas she is all surrounded by several decision-makers to defend "her" case.

Her intuitions come true because I left her alone without any concrete put over our togetherness.

All those ups and downs created huge fluctuation, even worse than the price of petrol.

We feed our intuition, though we could also feed our belief.

It is one way to fasten our seat belt and travel 1,110 miles east.
It is another way to avoid sitting on your seat, and walk around in the airplane, and don't care about the sign "Fasten Your Seat-Belt"
Then, do you know where are you going?
Where is your destination?

How many more captains are gonna knock on your door to give you a ride forever?

I planted these seeds quite a long time ago.
But, the landowner decides, and makes the plan.
In classical words, Allah makes the plan.
We, as humans by nature, just try.

It is worth a try to continue fighting.
Because, she is worth a girl to die for during the time of almost losing her.

It is one way to see her unforgettable smile on her untouchable beautiful face.
It is another way to hear that "she doesn't love you" anymore.

In 2004, I put out the map, and plot my destination. Sorry, it took a while, but don't bother to deny, people were traveling for years on camel back to reach their lovers.

It is a technological world right now, and this is only to save those others important decisions, when it is time to stand up and just word up.
Those others who should not take the Cafe Zahir way, because it is risky, not suitable for all.
Because, there will be a time when words will not matter anymore.

I wish to conclude with a few words from the Coelho's book. And, it is true that I am almost lost without the Zahir's presence (rising from the book). Now, it is not only limited in the paperback edition. I am simply living it, and feeling it more than ever, as I get closer to the ending.

Happy or sad, this will be a mutual decision.

Love is not that flexible to pull to the opposite sides forever.

In the book, it says that there is blue behind the gray color of the sky.

I always wanted to be her blue. I am almost done with gathering enough dye from the nature. I will paint such a blue that she cannot imagine in her life.

One more note supported by another old Turkish song.
Rough translation of the title of the song - "I didn't love you to forget you!"

Only 1,110 Miles Away

2009-05-06T15:35:00.007-04:00

One of the entrances of Icheri Sheher (Old City) - Baku, Azerbaijan - May, 2009

Finally we spark a light again.

Give me $1,000,000
I would not exchange anything for that smile.

I wish I could capture that moment on a piece of photo, but don't forget that I already put that special shot on my processor's background.

It is a perfect gift for the upcoming Spring. Thanks to her for that smile, which is as far as 1,110 miles away, and at the same time, as close as my mind, heart and soul.

My mind digested that moment so well that the signals to my heart are now delivered everyday. It is more like my daily combination of vitamins, and I thank Allah to sacrifice that special moment after all the struggle.

My soul is left right in front of her office door. It will ring the bell forever, but the secretary will not hear the sound, however "Hayati" will be there, as a matter of fact, I just spoke to him, and he is mesmerized with the smell (of her passing by in the morning, lunch break, and after-work), and I very much agree with him.

You can take a look at her picture, and confirm her beauty.
You can make a short phone call, and realize how much she "hates" me.
But, you can't smell her presence, unless she is right next to you.

She is right, and I am left.

It was the opposite a few years ago.

Now, I write, and very close to end our fight.

Our fight with life.
Our fight with past.
Our fight with the future.

Smile...

Imagine a starfish, millions of them, lying on the beach, and soon the sun will be rising.

Guess what? All of them will be dead. They all need water, and the ocean is just too shy.

I was about to experience the death with a continuous hope to survive with a single touch of the ocean.

Smile...

There comes a raindrop, and I felt it all over. Indeed, it will not last forever, and I will need her to come alive. This time it is not gonna be her tears. It is the time for joy, and celebrating the victory of our patience.

Smile...

Still one of those patients are in line, and setting up an appointment to see her - Frau Doctor.

She is busy, having meetings, such and such..But, the light is gonna pop and will show all colors of us. The spectrum is getting broader, and when it fills up the distance between us, we will be together.

Doctor,
Continue to smile, because we need a long life to make up for the time we lost behind!

Doctor,
Smile, because there are "balacas" (kids) on the way to drive.

Short Tips from Baku:
Panoramic view of Icheri Sheher
Altstadt Hotel

4.00 AM - Just finished the book

2009-05-03T21:01:00.004-04:00

The silence and a slow interaction of future
Before all, I couple of discussion questions from Paulo Coelho's book publisher, Sant Jordi Asociados.

Questions for discussion
1. Why do you think that the narrator decides to take on Esther’s challenge and travel the road to Santiago? Why is the narrator unable to begin writing his book until Esther arrives in Madrid?
2. What do you think of the narrator’s conclusion in his first book that: “All you have to do is pay attention; lessons always arrive when you are ready, and if you can read the signs you will learn everything you need to know in order to take the next step” (page 26)? What does Esther’s disappearance suggest regarding the narrator’s awareness of the signs around him?
3. Where you at all surprised by the events of the Thursday night meeting? Why does sharing stories about the lack of love prepare the participants for the ritual dance that follows? Why do you think that the narrator feels his Zahir’s presence so strongly during the meeting?
4. For the narrator, the distance between railroad tracks represents the societal rules that dictate how we are supposed to express love. Why do think the narrator was compelled to share this story at the restaurant? Have there been times in your own experience when you’ve encountered similar frustrations due to “the stories behind the stories we are told”?
5. “Because I accepted my destiny and allowed myself to be guided by something greater than myself…the Zahir begin to diminish in intensity” (page 144). What is Coelho saying, through the narrator, in this passage?
6. Coelho interweaves the narrator’s present journey with flashbacks to his conversations with Esther. Is this an effective narrative technique? What are your impressions of the narrator at this point in your reading? Has your opinion of him changed throughout the course of your reading?
7. Discuss Esther’s conversation with the nomad (page 177-180). Do you think she has discovered the answer to Hans’ question? Does she now understand her own need to become a war correspondent? How does telling your story allow you to be freed from it?
8. Esther and Mikhail use a three prong approach to carry out their mission: meetings at the restaurant, meetings with the beggars, and meetings with the Tribe. Why is this necessary? How do these groups work together? What does the narrator take away from his encounters with each of them?
9. On page 235, Mikhail reveals the story behind the soldier’s bloodstained shirt. The soldier asks Esther to tell “those who believe in death and who, for that reason, are capable of living as if today were there last day on earth… not be afraid, but not to grow complacent either. Seek the one truth which is love. Live in accordance with its laws.” What are those laws? Why must one believe in death in order to live and love fully?
10. Is there room for any of society’s “rules”, like monogamy, for example, in the life of one who strives to live according to the laws of love?
11. Why does Dos insist that it is necessary for the narrator to choose a new name and be reborn before he reaches Esther? Why do you think the narrator chooses the name Nobody?
12. What do you believe to be the central ideas behind this novel? If you have read other books by Paulo Coelho, do you see similarities between them? How has reading The Zahir affected your views on love?

Also, from the publisher's website, there is a Q&A with Paulo Coelho, and I want to quote a few messages from this good sound:
*What is a Zahir?
According to the writer Jorge Luis Borges, the idea of the Zahir comes from the Islamic tradition and probably arose in the eighteenth century. In Arabic “zahir” means “visible”, “present”, “incapable of going unnoticed”. It can refer to an object or a person, and that object or person gradually takes over our every thought, until we are unable to think of anything else. This could be considered a state of holiness or a state of madness.

*The popular culture of today is the academic culture of tomorrow.

Other favorite writers to discover (per suggested by Coelho); William Blake, Henry Miller, Jorge Luis Borges, Jorge Amado.

Twenty Nine

2009-04-29T11:43:00.002-04:00

I am not twenty one, but April is already in her mid-age. Soon, she will turn into May, and I will be almost finished with Spring cleanup! Thoughts were essential, but not so random, and there is no birth control, as they are just getting swept and new thoughts are emerging, though they mostly end up in the emergency room seeking the real patient with patience. The doctor is calling "next", and I show my list of medicines. Her black pen crosses out all of them, just put a note at the end.

"Go"

Indeed, it is time to go with all things considered and finally realize how to finalize this soap opera. It is a short trip, and time will be flawless. Welcome baby, sorry we don't do baby shower in Turkey, but as all we say, "Masallah"

In this cultural pot, we are melting. The sauce is ready, and the last dish should be tasty.

Why not?

If we take out or sit back, relax, and just enjoy the last dish, late nite fish.

Crawling the keyboard is not as simple as sinking down the mud.

Don't forget.

Yes, just don't forget, because I won't be back.

"Masallah"

Dating the date

2009-04-23T11:30:00.002-04:00

Silence covers the floor, evaporates to the air, rains back down to ground, raises more awareness with additional feelings flavoring the silence, and back on the cycle...We keep longing...and it is dated now!

Jump start

2009-04-15T13:15:00.002-04:00

"It is a new day"
"Yes, it is, and it is just a new beginning"
"Well, I never gave up!"
"You almost did, don't fool me" she says
As I stir the sugar in the tea, I remember I was supposed to put some jam into it, or
"May I have the jam aside? Don't you know, I don' t drink use sugar."
"That's why you never called me again since last September"
"When will you pause for a moment and think don't I give enough difficult moments to this young boy"
"Young?" she sighs.
"And, mature!" I say slowly.
"Everybody gets mature, and then they forget to take care of their skin, they age, and then begin to realize they need somebody to love."
"Well, I reserved this ticket six years ago, please don't sell it in the black market, I know this is pretty expensive now. See, I can learn how to invest my energy and time. Can I get a deposit slip?"
"I am not ready to get married!"
"I almost did, ohh sorry, that was on another planet with another girl called Zair." I say, and she walks away to the balcony.

I was a chilly May, and I was expecting shower, as I begin to wonder, there was the thunderstorm, and here we are, watching the rain together, and thinking how we will slowly build our dam to collect good times, and install a recycling facility to reduce the waste of bad moments. I spent almost a year and half in searching for this system which will circulate my time and energy investment into sound financial sum to let us reproduce our fruitful relationship every other day. I never had this moment in Baku, watching the rain from our cozy, small apartment. I know, time passes so quickly and I need to rush back to work in Istanbul and maybe, we see each other a few weeks later. I wish one thing from Allah to make her slowly understand why I never gave up on her, and why I am so stubborn to rise from the west hemisphere. It is always nice to see the sun giving birth to a new day counter clockwise, and it is fun to watch her go to sleep first, and then I pray she will see how I continue to sacrifice my longing and passion just a few ... more. I know it cannot be a year, but it will be a few months.

There is no single day, I lived without knowing hearing from Azerbaijan. If we just pronounce the -jan part, and mimic it as -jam, I feel like I am a part of it. As the notorious president Haydar Aliyev said, we are one nation, two counties. From the beginning, I felt the same as we are one body, two minds. Indeed, we have many conflicts and it was always fun to make the shortest sentences with short-run arguments to result them with satisfactory conclusions. As long as everybody is clear about their stepping stone, we will not hurt each other, indeed we will just hug each other in the sky.

"Mom is calling" she says, and here we are listening to her beautiful voice, sometimes high, sometimes low. They are both admiring. Farewell to my old habit of missing to record our beautiful moments, and just staring at the camera and say, "Hello, I am Cafe and today's guest is Ms. Zair." She was never a-today's-guest type of girl. She was an all-time star, always making me wait to watch her on a clear sky. Thanks to Allah, she was shining during the day, and for some reason, the Sun was not bothering her own illumination.

"Ladies and gentleman, if I open this box, and just show why I do this, would you just give me hand to convince this beautiful lady who is now wondering what the heck I need to say to him" I shout to the storks moving to the East. They make their famous sound and simply agreed with me to open the box, and then just like digging a well full of fuel, this box begins to grow a fruitful tree reaching up high in the sky. I climb it, thinking that I will see all the way East, and surpass all mountains between us. Storks are a little nervous, since I never been up so high.

"I do, I do"
"Who is this?" I shout to the East.
"I do, I ."
"Who are you?" I shout back again, because I am barely hearing her, whoever she is.
"Continue, I am still way thing." she says, but I really don't understand anything, what is "way thing"?
I move forward and more rapidly, so then I arrive to the top of the tree. I met a beautiful lady, considering her to be an angel, supposedly, but not really sure, and indeed, not really care, because I am all obsessed to catch my reservation and not be late at least this time.

"Welcome aboard!" she says.
"Can we just finish this, hello, really, I am running late." I mistakenly increase my volume with the high volume of excitement I have.
"It is 8.43pm, and we are closing in 2 minutes, why were you so late, you know about your scheduled flight."
"I am sorry, but yes, I just dreamed, and imagined, what can I do, this is my fuel for life, how do you think I climbed so high and always thought that at least you would allow me to see her eyes, or just her new design of hair." I say with an almost upset situation.
"Tell me what I can I do for you, other than giving your ticket."
"Just tell me, why you care about my passion. Nobody did. People think it is crazy, and it is 21st century, and don't forget, we need to consume everything so rapidly. We eat, we sleep, we love, we hate, etc. etc. Things happen so fast. Let me tell you this. I always wanted this, and I always think positive. I just never had a chance to give up, because words were just flushing out of my mouth. Whenever I look around, I see things offering me to use them as my figurative speech which will let everyone to imagine and put this relation into real words, real life. Unlike sitting down and thinking and asking repeatedly why, why, why.. I preferred to polished the good times, and trash away the bad times, and I never forgot my bad habits which are now recycled into small cans, so I can see them on the shelf, and they remind me that they are full of shit, and I never should be so close to them again. Never, ever. It is getting late, really, we are aging, could you please just give my ticket and let me know how long is the delivery of my body to her city of angels?"
"Well, it is upto you, it could be tomorrow, or it could be a few weeks later. But, remember, don't make this long, because you are about to get crazy like Hallac-i Mansur of Baghdad." she reminds me.
"OK, I leave everything here, so if they send me a message on facebook, please reply back and tell them I am almost finished with clearing my heart from dust." I said, and the order arrives.
"Hello Mr. Cafe, you Persian cookie, 1.50 TL please."
"Thanks, always on time."
"Your are welcome, good night."
"Good night, see you later."

Just Be

2009-04-14T14:00:00.004-04:00

Gotta do some targeted mass marketing and lots of research, feeling like I am just messing with the internet, but just an innocent look at the heater in front me reminds you back on, as the whole days passes with moments of you.

Just be the heater heating the whole room, I promise I won't be jealous or selfish, let you be, just be around, I can just look, just look at you.

Just be the light illuminating the whole room, I won't turn it on and off, play with it, nope, nothing, just let you be, and I will just take a look at you, well sometimes, I won't let my eyes die, or go blind, since I need to refresh my memory that I used to .... just be next to you.

Just sit around the dinner table, don't need to enjoy the dinner, just be the salt, or pepper on the table, I won't use you, I will just stare at you all night long, and promise you once again I will not overuse the rare moments that needs to be appreciated from the beginning to the end, just like the arrival of a plane on JFK airport, and departing immediately, staying away from the local taxes, charges, etc.

Just be ... mine, I mean, stay in my mind, or well, be like a mint, refresh my breath and the whole world.

Just be a letter on my laptop's keyboard, but not space, or enter button, I press them a lot, maybe the Escape button, whenever I watch the T9 video, and remember our time together, I can slowly press the Esc button, and leave the video, because there is no need to send my signals back on you, as you are already (maybe) enjoying the best times in your life, in your country, around your family. I know, I feel the same, just that we are so apart, but we have the same norms and traditions. Just be, yes, stay there, and also let me be, I mean, hear, or know about what's up, so I will make you the F5 button on my keyboard, which is to refresh the page. I promise, I will have high speed internet, so I will not need to use F5 a lot, the page will load instantly, and I will not need to refresh it.

Just be the orange, and I will promise you to keep you alone, as I continue to squeeze four to make my midnight vitamin charge. Stay alone, or of course, maybe you already have somebody inside the orange peel, so, yes, I won't peel you off, live your life, and yes, I won't cut you, and squeeze you, I know, there won't be any poison, but well, I won't disturb you, as I promised.

Just be the music in my ears, and I promise I will not play the same melody over and over again. As fruitful as the people of Turkey, there are lots of types of people, animals, plants, etc. There is a good combination of both, while some parts are unfortunately eroding and missing the gems of life. May they find their path back on without harming others, and yes, continue to sing with your beautiful voice, and don't put a sorry face, because I use the blender, and I am responsible for the plate, and I am sorry to leave a sour feeling on your palate. But, speaking of music, your ears, yes, and mine, well you may put earphones on yours, because this time I want to be selfish, I just want to hear you, and I don't want you to hear what you say, and then maybe I will hear that phrase I longed for so long! An innocent I .... too, you fill the blanks, if you have a chance to read this.

Time is passing, and maybe I will not enjoy this movie each minute. It is true that it is getting late, and I already deserved my Persian "pogaca", why not share it?

Dear you,

Just be around, yes, just let me hear, or see what's up? Because, I cannot think and believe that you changed, this is absolutely ridiculous to realize that we changed. Of course, people mature and realize about the realities of life, such as being around the loved ones, forever, or stay in our beloved lands, etc. But, on the other side, there is this feeling of sharing a life for the pleasure of whole world. For one second, if you imagine everyone was happy with one another, do you think we would have ultimate justice and peace. I am simply inviting you to contribute to this ideology, maybe, just like picking up the starfish on the beach, and throwing them back to the sea.
I invite you to use your beautiful figurative speech all the time, and remind me that we are all humans and we are capable of appreciating this life more than any other creature. Just be the one that I rarely, usually, sometimes, often, always and foremost frequently see and talk in this life, and just guess how much we can save by adding less salt to our dish. Yes, dear (used to be darling), end of each post is labeling another sticker on my face, and soon, I will be unable to see you, if I happen to be decorated with those happy face stickers. And, yes, those will be fake, to tell the world that I am without you.

I am....

Be!

You?

Sending and Receiving?

2009-04-14T11:05:00.006-04:00

We have been sending small pieces of stones into the deep well. We don't date the posts to avoid any expectations about considering this as daily news, weekly updates, monthly magazine, or a yearbook. None of them. It is totally freestyle, but the words are coming back from this deep well. I send some stones, and receive back some memories which both hurt me and so I put them up online thinking about her finally giving up and realizing how much I...

Welcome back to the stories of Cafe, and sit back relax, because spring is coming and today is April 14, 2009. It has been almost 3 days since sending a massage (yes, not a message) to her. It is not like a typical AIM, or ATM, or deposit to the bank. It was a compact pieces of phrases put together carefully, as always, not being very talkative, simply decorating with fruits and veggies, all healthy choices. I accept that I cannot stop eating this special cookie, which I tasted first, in the beautiful city of Baku. We read news and maybe don't hear enough about the history of Karabagh. Most recently, there was an article on Turkish newspaper, Hurriyet, about those people (refugees) misplaced from their original land, Karabagh, due to the conflict between Armenia and Azerbaijan. As much as she is affected by this political situation, as a sister country, I am also concerned and curious when should we accept some logical movements like clarifying this situation and letting people go back to their homes. As we all know, home is an important concept. On one side, people spend millions to decorate their homes, and on the other side, there are homeless people on the streets, even in NYC. The dilemma begins here, when one side is enjoying the luxury while the other side keeps fighting with the poverty. We are slowly drifting away from the world crisis between Cafe and Zair, I know. But, I will be coming back, wait, let me sip a little from my coffee, and just try to realize this could be a possible ....

a chance?

As I continue to read the book of Coelho (called, Zair), last night, I read the part about leaving your old relationships, and just sail to new experiences. At one part, Esther was telling to the Kazak boy that her husband doesn't understand her anymore. They were talking about the power of love, and also those people limiting themselves for the happiness of their loved ones.
To be honest, I am also learning from this book. I am aware of the eternal love I bare towards her, and I am not limiting myself for her happiness. Each body deserves an umbrella in the rain, and another umbrella under the sun on the beach. So, the climates may change, but the protection is necessary all the time. I was just willing to commit and to convince her family to protect their loved daughter from any harm until the end of her life. So, what about new experiences? Are we supposed to cheat on each other?

Since now I am being ashamed anytime I miss to pronounce her name during the day, how am I supposed to cheat on her, or treat her badly? Allah offered me a chance to weight how much I can handle to leave with her, and believe me, at some points it was very impossible. I strongly believe she had the same moments, and maybe more than I do, because I had so many handicaps, and I failed most of the time. Those failures added up, and at the end, she had a wonderful reason to go away. Now, I think like Mecnun in the desert, looking for her, walking, walking, and keep walking. Don't expect me to run, because I may get thirsty. Yes, I can reproduce my own water out of the oxygen in the air, but I need to balance my stress vs. strength. I do get stressed when I put things in rush. Hello, darling, just continue to enjoy your relationship, and I really don't wish that ship to sink. Let it sail, further away, and of course, I will one day forget about these, but now, I am sunk deep down in the well, and I feel like I am throwing those stones to myself. Ooops, my eyes. Oh, wait, don't touch my cheeks, they are reserved for a kiss. Hello, anybody there? No need to put commas, or dots. It is just a matter of time, and Allah is great to show us guidance and patience to understand where we end up to sip a little bit more coffee, and then begin to think if we are ready to take care of the coffee plantation.

The Persian "pogaca" (cookie, see the picture) awaits me to confirm his entry to my hidden treasure which has no appetite these days. I think about opening her a restaurant in Turkey, when she comes over. We all need the wonderful tastes from her country. And, it will be a boutique restaurant/cafe style, inside a clothing store. I imagine, and I will continue to imagine just like my American teacher in middle school told the whole class.

"IMAGINE"

In those days, we were making fun of his accent, and don't understand what the heck we need to imagine sitting in the class of 40 and expect a bright future by entering an exam to enter university, when the chance is only about %20-30, I guess. I wish there is someone out there ready to measure my chance to win her back, because I am getting irresistable to receive a reply from her. Shall I just take a flight and go to her, and just wait in the historical spot and expect her to walk across me, and with my sunglasses on, I shall randomly ask her in English, what date is today, and ask her if she received an important message on April 10th, or well was it 9th, ooops, let's say the first week of April, and make the date part less stressful. Thanks to Allah, it is not like a prison, and I am not counting down the days to get out.

Now, I think about celebrating her birthday in all colleges around the USA, and raising awareness to genuine relationships, and loving someone without a reason, simply following the steps of your heartbeat, and measure their strength for how much they can handle each of you until the end of your lives. What would be a good name for this?

Loca? Muy loco?

Yes, it is very crazy!

Watching the rain is romantic, and witnessing each raindrop hitting the windshield of the car is also exciting. In the morning, when you wake up and see the sunshine, you get even happier, but see the marks of the raindrop on your car makes your day awful. Like, making fresh coffee, enjoying the first couple of sips, then forget about it, and after half an hour, you realize and drink it, and wow! It is very awful to drink it cold.

Dear You,

I never forget you.... so far!
I always kept you warm in my mind, and tried to press the delete button in my heart.
I don't have virus protection, but for some reason, that file cannot be deleted.... for now!
Please confirm your status and then I will call the engineers to fix it, or else...

I will continue to enjoy your cuisine, don't worry.
And, I will look for a chance to visit your beautiful city, all the time.
But, I am just unable to sacrifice everything, and we shall not be sturborn all the time.
We are not goats trying to cross to the opposite sides.
We could be goats trying to cross to the other side, TOGETHER!

We have been together for so long, we planted a lot of seeds.
Those seeds need to grow, and feed the family, so, please don't hang up.
Last nite motto was nice.
Yes, we've been together, and it is time to get her!

Don't take me ironic, sarcastic, or maniac.
It is just about expecting a genuine reply.
As I believe only genuine answer will be reflected from your eyes,
I will seek for the moment to get away and do the final round of speech with you in your beautiful city.

P.S: If you reply, and curse, of course this pretty, romantic, pink picture will be crashed, smashed, and recycled to new scenario for the future filmmakers who will shoot our movie.

How much I can write in 20 minutes?

2009-04-13T14:59:00.001-04:00

I know how much I can long for you for another 20 years, but I guess life is not all about experiencing the loss of a loved one. One business day already past, and I don't think she would skip to read my message on facebook. Technology is so up high in the sky, I could even check if there was any entry from her country to this blog. But, my desire is moving on the other direction. It is not about selling something to a client. I am not putting up my desire on sale, and sending her an invitation. This is pure cocoa. Just use a little, but some hot milk, and you are on your way to ....

Now, I have been listening to this song very frequently nowadays, and I really wish to understand the lyrics. There is saxophone which resembles my past hobby. It is still my passion, but just not able to find time/place to ornament it. I miss her, well I mean playing it to her. For sure, she was hearing me echoing in the middle of Arizona desert. It was good times, and I am still lost if those times will be back. I don't see any obstacles. I never did. She created a few of them, I just couldn't handle, and for some reason, it immediately broke down, the strings between us. It used to be ropes, the thick one used in the navy, or fish net, you know, very tight, impossible to escape. We were ready to be caught by each other's net. I don't understand, I just wanna know, just like the lyrics of the song, I want to hear from her, saying that she is married, thinking about children, all happy and her way to the future is bright. OK, I am happy, well, of course bearing a lot of dilemma and struggle with ignorant foolish guilty feelings. I should be able to cleanse the skin, just make another look at the mirror, and accept the reality.
It is just coming. The name of her country appearing in front of me every other day. Last night, I was watching some history about Ottoman Empire, and guess what, the roots of the empire comes from the land of Fuzuli. What a person? I need more time to understand him. Maybe, I shall take some more time to read further, and just discover. The feeling will come forward, and all of them will be plainly reflected here to avoid others to fall into the same trap I put myself into, it is full of shit. Yes, indeed. It is a pain, while building one side of the wall, and seeing the other side collapsing. Why, or how? No matter. It happened, and I am VERY curious what's up with her since last September. It is going to be almost 6 months, and in 3 months I need to give a birth to my refreshed love. It is emergency, and I need to clarify, I just need to, because this is soooooo irritating while bearing the ultimate purity of this feeling, this feeling of loss and more curiosity.

T9 - Oda Nashei Lyubvi (Vdoh-Vydoh)

Have a break now, just watch it, don't continue to read unless you fully watched it. I have no idea what he is talking about, but I can feel it. She is beautiful, but not to be compared with my treasure hidden somewhere across the border. I want my VISA to be valid. I want my passport back, and I want to gain back my identity. I don't need to convince her with the purity of this emotions. They are baked all day long. I repeat her name everyday, since she's gone. It was inside, somewhere maturing. Now, I feel it in my ears, in my nose, in my mouth. I want to cry out her name as I used to do while I was running on the riverside of Philly. It was beautiful there, and I always imagine to visit the city with her. The city of brotherly love. 8 minutes left, and soon I will watch the movie over and over again and just realize the reality furthermore. Now, I am obsessed with this song, with the video, with the reflection of her accent. It is very difficult to forget, because there was just so many quality language between us. She had a good mind, sometimes failing to operate my thoughts but still logical enough to conclude all talks with sweet melody. It should be fine, of course. Maybe she already had the sign "Just Married" on their car's title. It is OK, but I am just curious, and as long as this level of core thoughts doesn't burn each other, let's just make this fair enough, and award me with one sentence, or with a poem, just like the ones she wrote when I was in the US. It is such a lack of dignity to bury all those memories somewhere very far from here, from her country, way west. Maybe some people found it already and read, and just realize how much we belong to each other. I shall continue to fight until I see her face coding the reality. I don't trust internet anymore. I rely on this new technology, but it failed me so far. There is nothing like whispering to her ears, or watching her eyes talk. Or, just waiting for the next shooting star together, or counting the number of airplanes flying over us, and thinking when we will go back home and build our future TOGETHER?

Yes, it is time TO GET HER!

Simple Touch

2009-04-12T06:50:00.002-04:00

I know the number of posts are getting more regular these days, as I continue to think over and over again about the possibility to get you. Repeating your name many times, and fell asleep was the sweetest night so far. Up until the morning, I heard your voice, and I keep regulating how I was treating you, and how I will promise to treat you. Same issues are also bothering me in business life, and I am almost done with the past behavior which was disturbing, I know. You read this as well, from the Coelho's book. The distance between the rails of the railroad is always 143.5 cm
We are also rails, and I promise to keep our distance steady to make sure our relationship is eternal like walking the silk road over and over again. I wish only one thing these days. To be able to talk to you, even you are married. I need you to dust some feelings, the spring is coming, so let me host this cleaning event. I want to be your sponsor, I want to be your guest, I want to be your host, I want to be your chance. I will choose to stay silent and just create extra juice to drink as we begin to talk non-stop melodically. It is a simple touch on the keyboard now, but it will be a lot simpler when it comes to touch your cheeks and ask them how much they long for ...

I look forward to fill in the blanks, and I am proud to stay strong up until today to show you how much I ...

Message Sent

2009-04-11T17:16:00.003-04:00

Dear You,

Or, shall I say just hello!
A few more signs were picked up from the ground, as I was approaching to talk to you. Of course, this cannot last forever, and I'd be the happiest person in the world, if my scenario comes up to be true. Why I am leading this discussion? Guess? I know, and you know. There were a couple of phrases we used to say, and those phrases were so powerful, it was reflecting each other's insight. There should be another you, if there is, she would still be you, so there is nobody like you. I have a permit to drive within the country, but I really don't want to check out what is the most recent weather update, because I don't care if it rains, snows, sunshine, or chilly. Let me sip a little from my soup, and it is beyond midnight, and it is just crazy enough to mess with the computer's mouse to figure out the way to organize the catalog which took almost 3-4 hours out of my office time. Now, I am back home and lying on your laps, and you are caring enough to comb my hair, and send random kisses to my cheeks, while lips are so jealous for the lost years.
Yes, indeed, the soup has some lemon, and it makes it more tasty I think, well it is lentil soup, and it is blended, so lentil are smashed, blended you know, as you are blended in me.
Well, I didn't sip, because it is just hot, so I preferred to stir it a little bit. When I met you, you didn't have any caution sign saying you are hot, and you were hot, and I guess you are still hot. I would prefer to select a few scenes from the past, and just figure out my way out of this dilemma, as I promised to myself not to contact you until I end up in your country for a business trip, then I'd check out what's up with you, without leaving any clues I have been so close to you. But, I could not resist after watching that movie which was almost laying out my experience, but not experiment/practise with you. It's a shame for a boy to date a girl and say we shall just practise marriage. I should have asked you to marry me, but that wouldn't guarantee anything, because the warranty was not valid outside the US. Calm down, wait a few minutes, I am almost lost within my soup, my late nite dish which will not include main plate, because as I starve a little bit, my consciousness is up %99.99 and I just don't want to change this channel, and I will not let those ones playing around in my mind and messing with my concentration. I am fully diagnosed, and the doctor say I am sick. Yes, I am sick of the past foolishness which led you to hide under another one's arms, as I sink, I got sick, as I got sick, I got fool, understand, and then be cool. Yes, I am cool, no worries, but after this message sent, there is tons of stuff to say, and simply decided to put a few sentences in the body. Soup is calling, please look after the kids, I will be back shortly.
How would you have kids, if you continue to be stubborn to stay in your country right? It is just traditions, and we are so obsessed with them, so we still have a couple of points to discuss. But, wait, no worries again, your life, your decisions, right? But, me, sinking down again. I have two memories about deep wells. One of them was in a city called Canakkale, Turkey. They used to open a very deep well, and during the war, they were throwing enemies in there. I am not sure which time of the history, it could be way back in time. Still, the well was too deep, and I began to think, what if they put me in there, and the only thing in my mind would be to reach to you, how would I accomplish that? It is impossible to climb up the wall, and suppose I have a spoon, or make a tea spoon. I shall open another tunnel, maybe reach to sea, and just swim to the closest shore. Suppose, I end up in an island, and I will not be able to leave unless I hear from you. How would you contact me? Wait, I dropped my cell phone, and yes I know, you already deleted my number, right? I never could, you know?
As a writer, they ask, my mind visitors, why I don't put any images to colleborate with the art of words. My answer would be similar to Paulo Coelho. He said each reader is putting their own images, and shooting their own films by reading each words in my writing. I would never like to shoot a movie out of my books, he says in Zahir. If you ask me, I would make a soap opera out of my writings, and these soap operas will be 5 minutes each, and they will be broadcasted right before the news. What do you think? Are we fair enough? I am starving, and I am thinking about eating, but once again I am not sure why? I wait. I won't cry, as I did at the end of that movie. Oops, also in the middle, somewhere. I still hear your cry as well. Why? It seems so stupid to experience what you had for five years. I already completed one year, are we even? I feel so sorry, and I believe it is more than being sorry, I feel lost. Haha, right! Being lost is the best solution, but I am just unable to name this situation. If I read more, I could have a good word here, making this a little bit more sophisticated. No matter if you eat your yoghurt plain or with fruits, I will always watch your channel. When I sleep, I will always register your name in the server, but they don't promise to offer me choices from your cuisine. But, I met the patisserie cookie we used eat in your country. They are baking this one of a kind cookie around the corner from our office. When I ask, who deserves my passion, all first ten spots are reserved for you. I guess we already missed bunch of them, and now those seats are occupied by others and I don't even see them, and if you ask me, I will always wait even though we keep counting after ten. Yes, it is foolish, and I cannot decide, because I don't know if you pregnant yet? I guess, that will be the end of story, and I shall immediately dig a well, and just stand inside for a couple of hours. I shall decide why I had to collect all those mistakes in my life and just gathered them all in front of you, and unconsciously offered them to you. Why? I miss you like crazy, and I really hesitate to check out acceptable mixture of beauties of mind, body and soul. I expect an answer, and I hope it is not too late. If it is, message is sent already, you know how we do. Sit down, pray, wait, and see. As always, we pray for the righteous person, and everyone knows and witnessed how much I ...

Lose it, chase it, too late to say goodbye

2009-04-10T18:02:00.002-04:00

This time it will begin slow, unlike a rush-hour schedule. They say it mostly happens in the movies, will never bother to repeat the lyrics of a song like "you belong to me, I belong to me, la la la..." It is something else, and the sound of the keyword does not even bother me, because I take a deep breath and just move on to the next L train, but wait, not a good idea to leave my current spot, she may be coming, although we did not talk to meet, and if we meet, it will not be a date, and if it is not a date, we are no longer "flirting" As I look back and evaluate it, thus I conclude that I was like a rock hitting the all time low, and the most challenging yet irritating feeling is seeing the results of her projections about future which is the present now. I'd hate to accept the consequences, but it is very true, and I shall pray for her happiness once again to cleanse, tone, moisturize, protect, and maybe double cleanse myself to disable refreshing the old memories. The rec button doesn't work anymore, since it was very exhausted by recording the past years, and the technicians left the company, so there is nobody to take care of my camcorder. If she is alive and reading this single sentences mistakenly stuck between the paragraphs of this report, I lost her whom I chased for a very long time, and now I am sure, we both witness the same results, and if it is considered as sharing, then we receive full credit for it, because this is beyond sharing, it is feeling, it is living, and it is dying after each minute. The idea of getting more isolated to understand what really happened makes a lot of sense now, as I need to clarify each single breath I take and make sure it is not consuming any shared oxygen between us. Each module I embedded in my casual life is creating mixed feelings and many of them await for a quick proposal and many of them requires a good amount of patience. They don't know I am already evolving through her passage of light covering all sorts of feelings, beginning with lust where I am lost. A person of wisdom will come down and test my sincerity and now I know it is possible to keep this locked for a few more days when I will end up there to see her occasionally and of course unexpectedly, but I will follow some clues to satisfy my desire to try. Maybe I couldn't be a good captain of our boat when there was a lot of wind, and we had a choice to replace it with a yacht, but we keep the boat as I am too stubborn and she was too stubborn, so we found each other, though it is a known fact that opposite sides are supposed to pull each other. Reading is important to develop further phrases with shortened laces which will still qualify to make a know and keep us within the same boundaries. Indeed, anything happens between each other's countries seems to be a sum of our reflection of each other, as we look at the mirror and continue to see the one. I'd accept to lose her, then why am I repeating her name all the time, her name is just hidden under my tongue and if I shout out her name, I know she will not knock on my door, or ring my cell, or write me a message, or at least, I will receive a buyer inquiry for business in her country, and so I will accept it as a sign of invitation to check what's "really" going on since I am not really sure if she is gone-gone, and so I am done-done. I told her, or myself, that it only happens in the movies, and it did in the last movie which I was hesitating to watch for a very long time, because I knew that I'd see us there and then I'd cry so bad, and I did, and I am happy, because it was authentic, genuine, real, however you want to call it, and many important subjects were clearly pointed out towards my awareness which is too weak to hold on to the inner struggle, but rarely fails to protect it which makes the whole story rewind, and there is no choice to fast forward, well maybe sometimes, we can skip it. It is true that I am thinking, yet accepting the reality, but still faithful and praying for her well-being with me living as a regular human-being.

Miss it and kiss it goodbye

2009-04-09T12:58:00.001-04:00

If we begin to list the top ten most bothering acts about internet is when I am unable to connect, and secondly, the low speed when browsing. I wish the frequencies come into action here as well, and then what I think and design about the next 10 seconds on internet will instantly happen, without using my fingertips, because I am tried, and the keyboard tells in very humanely. Unlike chatting, I am using proper language, well, as much as I can as a guest speaker compared to native English speakers. Speaking of speakers, I also wish I have two speakers right next to my ears, then I can tell how often my heart beats. Yes, I only listen to my Heart's radio. There is no earphones, since they disconnect us %100 from the outsiders. Inside the body, there is some juice. Imagine, the last most excited time you had. But, let me explain this excitement a little bit. It is not like seeing a sexy women, or a men. It is not like watching the birds fly, and you are on the edge of the cliff, and you imagine flying like a bird. It is not like opening your laptop, and your battery heats up in about 30 seconds, and your opening and closing times almost match with each other. It is not like taking a box of cigarettes and smoking them to death. And, it is not like closing your mouth when you immediately need to say how much you love one, (or another). This excitement could be summarized within the borders of your stomach, where your diet is unlike a coyote, most likely to be nothing. Yes, it is when you lose your appetite because you are all flamed up with the desire to meet the special one. I don't watch channel one, I don't buy the orange with the quantities of one, because I need at least four of them to make the juice out of it. So, I can stay healthy. And, now, imagine yourself placing all those hard copy, conventional and confidential photos into the album. Then, imagine you forget to include a few of them (like about 17 - exact number from today's experience/experiment). Then, you go back and take out almost half of the total quantity (like 60). So, then you place those missed ones into the correct order, and complete the whole album with a big smile on our face and begin to think how much double shift I spend on this album. Yes, it is exactly the same feeling and minutes lost for a women who is unable to understand my desire to meet her. Unlike double shift, maybe I did triple, or quadrople. But, now, today, at this minute, I decided to give up, because it is not worth it. Well, she may be worth it, of course, but my shifting is not worth it, while I am trying to stand out as a person to worth meet. Unfortunately, the internet still doesn't work, and it is mixing up my flavors to create a new juice called, call me. Yes, call me, but call me. Whenever. We message each other and then maybe massage each other if we decide to get married in the long run, or short run, or soon. But, the idea of calling each other is not like a whole wheat bread. We send messages, stop and think, then write a paragraph maybe, or quickly-walk-to-the-corner-and-pick-up-some-flowers-and-give-it-to-her type of messages. I may be rushing to another city in the next 12 hours, but it is between the lips of the person sitting at the desk of the airport, what an interesting feeling for a well-organized, full of full person. Yes, I am full because being half doesn't make any sense. I am thinking I am already full but we still gladly accept VISA, I mean the applications. Of course, there is no pay per view in our life. We invite, you think, we almost close the door due to strict office hours, and you decide to ring the bell to say goodbye, or I mean hello, or maybe just chill with no lyrics. I like today's dilemma with some fruitful welcome hello type of phrase. A "how are you?" stuck between "what's up girl?" and "how are you ma'am?"
What does the writers think in their real life? If I sit down in a cafe with Paulo Celho, and ask him why I am unable to find this specialty delicatessen while he is giving birth to wonderful stories after one another. With correct directions, I could go to Shanghai, but I would prefer to stop by "there" and just ask around what she is doing, and what she is upto? I kind of miss it but we already kiss it to say goodbye.

If I could Be you, and You Could be Me For Just One hour

2009-04-06T08:45:00.004-04:00

Yes, quickly I escaped from the real life to the other dreamy trimmy world. Just a chilly monday today, and I am really sorry that I am unable to provide real time data for actual dates on this blog, because it is just not relative to the nature of our stories, so here we go:

Unlike making tea out of a tea bag, you let it sit for a while, release its real color, while there is hot water downstairs. Well, the neighbors wouldn't bother us, but I am curious about the next apartment, where a new couple just moved in. What do we understand from new-ness? If it is designed as an escape from the past, then I am not in for that. New-ness is a goal for me. The new body and soul is just heating up somewhere, and I am just not sure why the frequencies doesn't appeal to me yet.
It is a chilly monday, raining beauiful. However, don't look at the car after the rain. It looks very dusty. So, what's up? Rain is a reflection of beauty, but when it stops, then there is ugliness. Is it like you loving me, you are beautiful, and when you figure out we are not born to live together, you call it ugliness. It's a shame, and quote, "shame on you", which was one of her favorite phrases.
The world keeps rotating and there are lots of things we are still unsure about, and are afraid to ask for some reason. I may be calling some clients today, or simply emailing them, but the end would be maybe 50-50. Not all of them will reply back to me saying, say dear, we wanna Cafe a la Turca.. So, we have some level of expectation and the desire to reach our goals are motivating us, and thus living up to our realities. Hello, world! Just, press the send button, I will be gone now. Sorry, at this point, the back button on your browser, which will take you wherever you were before reaching here. However, if you prefer to stay, let me offer you some tea, made from real tea leaves, not being stuck in to those tea bags which are not as innocent as they look.
Those lyrics are perfect, and explaining the wholesome fact about my search for her.

If I could be you
And you could be me
For just one hour

If you could find a way
To get inside
Each other's mind
....

I wish I could really just get in her mind for 1 hour, ok make it 30 minutes, or even 1 minute. Yes, I am sure I can explain everything in one minute.

It is not like hitting the refresh button on your browser when you internet speed just doesn't keep up with your surfing, and the browser gives a "page load error"

I am not sure how many times I gave page load error for her. I kept refreshing the page, but she just didn't want to release her data from her host server. So, we keep getting the error page.

However, it is raining today, and it would be sweet to drink tea at 4pm on a Monday evening, getting ready to work until midnight. As a bachelor, there are no kids, no worries, but there are goals set for this week, this month, and until one single day, when I will meet her to read all these, and decide if we really deserve each other and make this world even a more peaceful, wonderful one, together, by sharing, without any harm, any guilt, any greed.

I love you. Hard to find, difficult to say, but just sounds good enough at this end of the post.

Long range missile test

2009-04-05T17:38:00.004-04:00

I wish she is in the space center and tracking down all actions going on air. Latest news, show that N. Korea had a defiant launch of rocket. I already had a defiant launch of passion to talk to her, but there has been no luck. I just could not enter her orbit, although we supposedly belong to the same planet. It is not like Planet Hollywood and Planet Bollywood. I could wait outside and let her sip her last drink, and I will act like the valet parking guys, at least would not hesitate to shimmer/sweat.
She just doesn't want to drive, so I walk her to the next stop, let's call it the traffic light, but hurry up, because there is a pond of water, and any car could easily splash some of it on her beautiful outfit. It is casual, and life is relax, cool, homogeneous. But, I am just no genius enough to realize why I am walking with her, without asking if it is OK.
Last time, I text messaged for a while, even though I was on traffic, and nobody would understand the immediate reaction I have been experiencing after a very short, mostly me-about, talk over the famous phone. It was definitely not a clash of her Nokia with my Samsung. Indeed, we are using the same service provider, but fo' so' reason, I happen to receive no reply, no caution, no word.
The streets are singing "word up", and I still hesitate to conclude this long dilemma, because I am questioning the all-time low points received in this contest. I am not Miss Turkey, but I really would like her to be me the one I miss in Turkey. Face a face talk is always different and more mysterios than texting which is like paving the road with aspalth. Not a healthy choice, but as an appatizer, it is a supporting evidence for the stomach to become fuller and fooler.
The message never received, and I wonder if this week will enlighten some of the past with the clash of futuristic thoughts, so that my long-awaited, coming-soon-type of reply will be spicing up my upcoming minutes.
Whoever is writing the minutes in this relationship, let me tell you something.
It wasn't me, it wasn't me.
I just wanted to talk, and the origin of the content is far from being romantic, nor sarcastic.
It is just too ironic to speak to her, because it always seemed like I was ironing her bias about me. Each time, I'd stay the same, over and over.

Hello kitty, or puppy, or my sweet monkey!

Listen to me for one sec
But, just don't press the button for rec
If I have PC, you will change yours to Mac
Should I have any questions, I will just tic tac

The opposites pull each other
Whether we belong to the same weather channel
Let's keep the mutual benefit for me and her
Otherwise, I shall be the one staring at the gate of Suez Canal
Watching the ships pass by, and wait for her to come with the next cargo
She is compact, and accessible
I maybe just too irritating, so let me really watch the gate, to sweeten my way of capability to take some responsibility..open the gate, close the gate, open the gate, close the gate..
I just cannot figure out the timing of my gate..speak up my passion when it is time to shorten the words to conclude with a meet-up, but the words just keep flowing and simply postponing the closure of the gate to give access for a real face a face...

Feel like an aquarium without any fish

2009-04-05T11:19:00.002-04:00

Yes, if no fish, no chips. Well, we are not in Vegas, playing poker, and I am not Lady Gaga singing the poker face, indeed I am doing some spring cleaning. It is a kingdom of boredom to see the aquarium without any fish. Even one? There was one, long-live fish, gone now. It's been almost 3 years, a supposedly long time to hang out. Now, I see only the green plant, a proof of Oxygen, a proof of life still circulating inside. If there is life, why not enrich it with a couple, chasing each other.
I am a mess without her, and she just doesn't understand, but I am not sure who is she. I very much feel like Paulo Coelho's situation in the middle of the book of Zahir. It is a must to get to know each other, but before, get to know yourself, what I really want, and how I will be able to accomplish it. Singing too much, and letting the other side simply listen to it does not really help. It is not like carrying the grocery bags all the way down from 52nd street to intersection of 2nd Avenue and 5th street. The days are over with traditional love fool loose systematics. There is a different strategy, and the best obsession release point would be design a special gift, unlike anything being sold on market. Found out about a cheap toy, but I should be the one to ornament it to look meaningful. For the dimensions, it deserves the cheap price tag, but for the capabilities of it, receives 5 star from me. Didn't try it yet, but unsure about the coincidences to be faced after the gift. I wish there is a mirror, and a person of wisdom behind it. Whenever I speak to myself, there would be keywords appearing on the window, like a virtual board. Then, I would click on it by hand, and it will take me through further stream of thoughts to conclude with a beautiful end. Of course, the end would be a new beginning to row the boat towards her, but if the current is upward, and I am trying to reach to her waiting on the opposite site, what else is being offered. What are my options? It is not like playing poker now. Neither, it is stock market. I feel like wall street, but it is Sunday, so there is dead silence. No food cart, no coffee scent, no sneakers decorating the feet of business suits. There is no rush today, but tomorrow, and the day after. I am ashamed of the unstoppable amount of speech I had a few days ago through a series of SMS (text messages), and the worst case scenario happened without any single reply. Not a single one. Nada. Zero. Over. Or what? It is like carrying the baggages of a beautiful lady from the taxi cab to her room on 25th floor, and receive zero tip, not even a kiss. Only a sole frozen face with a simple "bye"
I am thinking about taking the emergency exit, and climb the stair this time, all the way up 25th floor, and in the meantime I will think about what I would tell to this beautiful lady on a Monday morning breakfast serve. It is not open buffet this time, and I am feeling difficult to keep the costs minimum. It is quite ironic to be full of choices, but offering only bread and cream cheese. The tea is not unlimited, and it is a tea bag with a glass of hot water.
I wish there is a bird carrying some messages, because I am not keeping up with the technology of text messages, as I receive zero reply out of the last series of maybe 5, or 10. I don't remember, but if I would be her, I would click and press the delete button immediately after reading it, because the complete 5th season was a drama, and should be awarded by Emmy.
Gotta press the enter button a few more times, so the whole story will fly me to the moon, and let me be among the stars. If Frank Sinatra hears me, please prepare some shooting stars for tonight, as I really want to speak open and check with her what's up. I promised to myself, not to fall in love this time, but it is like walking on the broken glass with bare feet and the exit door is only on this direction. Well, I don't want to be the single green plant in the aquarium. There is no guarantee that my oxygen will survive forever without feeling the warmth of the fish.
Forget the chips, and just order the drinks. I will talk now. It has been a long time, and I have absolutely no idea about her, but why am I deconstructing the bridges that she was trying to build together. What is the rush?
Well there is a rush, because papa is almost at the age of a grandpapa and he deserves some grandchildren to play with, and in the meantime, I shall be moving forward to put some brick and stone as soon as possible, because there is just too much good things to do, with a single of hope, the other side will not discriminate it. For example, if you plant a tree, the nature will never discriminate your kind behavior, but when you help a person for his study, after graduation, that person may become a very ignorant one. So, the hope is always planting to good seeds to have a fruitful life with fruitful business with fruitful love.
The four letter word hardly comes out of my mouth nowadays, because I preserve it way below my heart, maybe below my feet, inside my socks. It is such a passionate feeling that if initially released, it is very dangerous and scary for the other side to witness and experience the reality - a simple combination of 4 letters, love.
I don't love you, and I will maybe love you later, but I cannot guarantee. It is a world class, 7-star hotel fact that the love will be generated as a result of good times and good transition of thoughts between each other. Otherwise, please don't assume freebies from me. There is none left, as Zahir killed almost all of them. Well, I destroyed most of it, personally, as I acted like petrol under the ground, when she tried to dig it, I never stopped to release the long-preserved petrol. Days, months, years...and now, it is gone. I was assuming the futuristic come back of her, but as I am in the middle of the book, I simply want to figure out what I really want. It is a need, and it is a must at the same time. When two people like each other, the whole world become happy. There is nothing like experiencing the sexiness of mind besides the body. The quality of talk is highly preferred to the quality of the body because the attraction of bodies are now highly commercialized with many irritating products on the market. The idea of perfume was started by a French person using it in the toilette, that's why it is called, Eau de Toilette. Then, it became so attractive, to be used for daywear, and also night. But, when the idea of one special scent that is the closed scent to the body odor, the market was burst out with many kinds. It is a disgusting feeling to try to attract the other side with such products. Where is the mind match? I will come back to my argument which is the transfer of thoughts via frequencies emitted from each mind, and those frequencies had tags that are matched with anyone "available" anywhere around yourself. I may send a satellite to the outer space and design such system and hold the monopoly initially, then sell/rent the shares one by one. I would love to imagine this system with the expert of space, and so called- Light, but as I said, the messages were never replied, thinking that I overflowed. Now, there is silence, like the green plant in the aquarium, and I am obsessed with the feeling of finding, seeking, and waiting at the same time. I am not lovin' it, because I am not McDonald's, but I am simplified, more than ever, after this short circuit of feelings.

Meeting

2009-04-03T09:01:00.004-04:00

It was Friday, and many people crawled to the mosque for the traditional Friday meeting. There was one life-ordinary reason for all the crowd to be there. It is always a beautiful moment to witness all people gather up for a common reason. It could be another moment for rescuing people from the quake, or a disaster. However, that would require careful knowledge, and it wouldn't be beautiful indeed. It could also be for a reason to plant one tree per person to reduce their CO2 emission contribution to the world. In fact, it is all for the beauty of meeting up. The unfortunate story begins when groups of people are meeting up, two people cannot meet face to face. There could be another story behind this incapable meet-ups, but why not clarify it to the face of the other person, this is sad. We were born to talk, discuss and decide, then talk and discuss further if we are having a life far away from the monotonous ones, like sitting it the garden all day, etc. Was a big fan of using the eye contact rather for talking, which would create an eternal moment to transfer all thoughts simultaneously. The transfer of frequencies is coming very soon. Honda recently developed a robot applying human frequencies instantly. Now, imagine yourself sitting in the restaurant, and your attraction drives into the cafe area. You are a bit far, but just by eye contact, your thoughts are send, like text message to the brain, directly, no middleman! What a wonderful world. The result is not expected to be drama all the time, but the interaction of these two people is a swift, uno, dos, tres, por que, muchos gracias, bon sois avec moi.

Japan Unveils Mind Control Robot

Used to be sending snail mail, then emails, now text message, what's next! I firmly guarantee my point, and it is coming soon. We already know what we are looking for if we have a normal working mind. It is constantly producing thoughts and most often thinking about the past. Imagine you meet up frequencyclically (there is no word like this, I just created one, fresh, home-made). The whole story about matching, social websites will be a scandal after this revolution. There is no lies. All real. No hidden stories. Imagine the frequencies can differ what you think is real vs. lie. Is it all necessary to meet up with this special person to go through thinking about these? I guess, meditating for the moment and clear out the thoughts will work like flushing the toilet and start from a new page, unlike reading the book, you are writing your own book. When these all get organized and gathered around one common reason, it will be a film.

Hit The Road Jack

2009-04-03T04:46:00.002-04:00

Not really in need of hitting the new post button, but need to release some pressure off from the top of my red hat. I don't know if referring to the original character in Coelho's book, Zahir, will be a hospitable behavior, I cannot leave it alone. In the last few days, the treats are coming and coming. As if she is right behind the door, but just not appearing, or somehow the frequencies are flowing between us, but we are just not aware of the proof of delivery. There is no tracking code for our feelings and behaviors. It just happens, and it happens for a reason. Personally, it wasn't me to make this decision but I guess I deserved this living since she experienced this for almost five years. Is that for a reason again? People sacrifice their minutes and days, most often years for one simple reason: build their life. But, why did my life get deconstructed as I was putting the building blocks slowly but surely. That's a pity, and there is an answer waiting for me to hear, unfortunately the time still bares for the next train to come and see if it is on schedule. I never had a chance to study her and come up with a conclusion. The end just never occurred, just as we think it just ended, indeed it never did. Or did it? I would say sure, it is over, but the last few days, maybe almost a week, those feelings were seem to be reserved specially for her. I didn't have much gas in the tank, but I will drive, and still check how many more km I could take. Then, I need to fill up the gas tank again, then drive, then live up to the same experiences/regulations. I used to write better than this, just omit the "don't knows" and "buts", then it would be a better world, I think. If we want something so much, and this just doesn't happen, then is there any court we can apply and check the latest status of our request, and see if we qualify to deserve it. It is not a desert, or a pineapple juice. It is pure and dig the ground, you will find it there. For a very long time, I have been thinking about digging the ground at the height of myself, my eye level will be the zero point of the Earth. Then, you realize where do we start and where do we go exactly. There are lots of signs around and I just need an interpreter, because I don't play objective. I have some bias and I think it is mostly positive, but being positive doesn't bring those...Why is it impossible to hear a few words from Zahir? I know talk is cheap and the rates are all time low nowadays. The currency rates should be revisited and talk should be added in the comparison chart. I don't need a 3-month delayed payment, or a credit card. I want to work cash, but the cashier just closed, and the next opening will be tomorrow. Just imagine those hard moments when you felt absurdly crazy about losing your time. Now, I will simply go back and read this over and over, then toast it, put it in the freezer, then microwave it. Stop! What a rush! I am going to the field and pick up some fresh greens, put some olive oil on it, that's it. What a pleasure on earth! Where is Zahir? All mixed up, and still asking the authorities for a simple response. It shall come. Soon...

Being Boring Beijing Benin

2009-03-31T06:28:00.002-04:00

I guess it is right about that time to squeeze a few words out of my neck.

Some passes right up to my mind and then get lost, some get to the highest level of appreciation, and put into words..

I guess I found her on a midnight crawl, no actually I found her where I lost her...

Being Boring is tiring..Being Beijing is fun..Being Benin is kind of absurd for now..

Web Trio Links Bricks and Mortar Club

2009-03-10T15:27:00.001-04:00

Web Site Design - 3D
The link doesn't change, no matter how deep you browse into the website, that's not ideal but very popular I guess.

Here are few examples...

http://www.superscopemedia.com/
The 3D format for browsing is ideal

http://www.sensisoft.com/
Intro page loading sign is very cool

Just like a movie star - How do you feel as a consumer?

2009-03-03T09:45:00.001-05:00

The Break Up
Yükleyen geertdesager

Cafe Comment: Yes, I like this ad.

The Crisis of Credit

2009-02-22T08:00:00.003-05:00

How much credit do you have for your love?

Well, for the love and greed of money, here is a short video, a nice one..

The Crisis of Credit Visualized from Jonathan Jarvis on Vimeo.

Simple Melody

2009-01-18T18:00:00.003-05:00

It feels like a breeze to click on the bookmark button for cafe..

A destination for international rhythm of thoughts and melodies..

I wish to hear from the visitors..but I would expect a topic of discussion for enlightening comments.

We were focused on the news from Cafe and Zair for a while..

And, here we are, on a Sunday night
Waiting for the week to start
Can't decide to sleep or not
Too many requests to fulfill
Two takes the tango
I guess I need to
I just need to stop

She is married, finally. Indeed, it is good news, but just curious about her feelings. It is kinda hard to admit how a person can be shaped like a play-dough. She created many figures that I will not expect. As we speak with a relative, love is gone. Especially, these times..Love is a big lie..Attraction is still mysterious, but marriage takes firm decisions. And, old times were good times, just like classics..A classic, vintage Armani was adorable compared to new ones.

I wish I could learn more about the past. I am now combining the business greed with love, so it comes out as a presentable way, unlike long-lived passionate marketing ways.

There is no word like, ohh, by the way..

It is now, Buy the way..

We are buying the way to sales..Selling the product, service, and selling yourself..

You are a person of wholeness. Wake up, go to work, come back, eat and sleep. What is your goal? To wake up back again next morning, or just sleep forever and wish your struggles will disappear..

A person of righteousness shall thus be, just be..
Behind the scenes, many scenarios were written and played well, as I was just watching the whole opera with eavesdropping and mouth-watering face. You-are-the-one-for-me type of dreams, stay away from me. A coincidence is great. Though, some incidences are just a way of life, live with it. Don't think twice as that coincidence may not occur again, but behave cautiously as soon as you see the sign, the floor is wet. Let your heart stay healthy with positive dreams and actions, and always keep it up...Feed it with good humor and belief.

She is gone now, gone with the eastern wind..It is just great to wave the past and open a new page, finally, due to some disconnection, which I believe, was just great to strive to live..Once again, it is proven:

PATIENCE IS THE GREATEST VIRTUE

Rewind The Day

2009-01-14T18:59:00.001-05:00

Thanks to sister Sinem for this video recommendation.

It is a sweet melody, I guess.

I wouldn't come across this, well, thanks...

I wish we all have moments to rewind, but do not regret for that...at least for a while...

Orange TV: Rewind City from andrei on Vimeo.

Cashmere Thoughts

2009-01-10T08:34:00.004-05:00

Listen to Chicane - Saltwater

Yes, it is a classic dance music track..

As I try to think twice as fast to double shift and get most of the projects done, I always wonder about the "love" side effect.

Here, we only talk about this.

As the world is put into deep *hit of crisis, we have two options.

Be optimistic, and continue to carve for opportunities.

Be pessimistic, and say "Damn It"

I am not gonna tell you which way I chose to follow, but if I am writing this blog, my way is ...

Stop by the drive-in McDonald's and purchase a dollar menu.
Have the pleasure of digesting non-flava, unhealthy taste..

Or, take a cigarette, smoke it up..

At the end, what is left behind..

Sugar, Fat, Carbon-dioxide..

Ladies and gents,

I found myself in a new business opportunity, and you are watching this blog from all around the world. The visitors are not all-time great, but even one visitor is interested in my business proposal, it is a deal.

I believe in the product, I am not gonna cheat on her.

The business is also like a relationship. If you love someone, would you cheat on her to satisfy your devilish feelings..

Stop that..

Be human!

Ladies and gents,

Once again, welcome aboard.

If your are thirsty for trust, here we are..

I am awaiting your business proposals, to do business with the country of Turkey.

Looking forward to engage in some sort of business in the future..

Have a nice day.

Dreams

2009-01-07T18:23:00.002-05:00

Just dreams?

Nothing else?

Well, put some salt and pepper, then refrigerate it for a while, and then stop. Think for a moment, and ask yourself?

Why?

Unfortunately, the doors to your dreams are not well-guarded.

WANTED!

Body-guard to keep the doors locked in your dreams.

What?

Then, you are, well, homo-sexual.

It is a matter of choice..No disrespect. But, there should be a reason why God had created us with only two genders, male or female. Think objectively, though. And, make sure, this is absolutely NOT the topic of this post :-)

Ok, back to dreams!

She was there again. She passed by. Yes, Ms. Zair. Welcome back!

I don't know why, but somehow she was there.

I went back to the mirror, and didn't see her there anymore, as I used to...

Sometimes, I wish I would instantly stir the cup of tea and get lost in it.

Or, well, yeah, the cup of coffee. Get lost, and get back with the fortune-telling process.

Thanks Ms. Zair, or Mrs. Zair, I am not sure about that either, since I have not heard from her sister.

See you again, and I cannot promise a certain time, it just happens.

No need to knock on the door, I already locked it, somehow, but you always have a spare pair of keys.

Wow.

I think, this was a little bit touchy literature.

Congratulations!

Welcome to the land of Cafe.

Help yourself.

Love your beloved.

Business Love Life

2009-01-04T16:32:00.002-05:00

I decided that too much concentration on the topic of business provides a breath of air from the complexity of love life, or love lift.

As if taking one of those lifts to the top of the ski resort, there is no guarantee to successfully ski back to town.

I would go to the top of the mountain for business.

But, for love?

I will think twice.

After planting the seeds for one, and ending up with a disturbing reaction of the first-end savers, family, I barely go forward and say, "yes, let's go.."

Let's go where?

The ship leaves the port with a destination.

For business, the destination is somehow planned.

But, for love...

Impossible!

Why?

Stop that Mr. Cafe. Putting words, then pressing the enter key, consuming lots of space. Let's be energy conscious! Funny, huh! Yes, indeed. To come up with a result, love is only a game for two. When third person begins to speak, the taste is a misery and the deliciousness disappear, it will like being flattered.

On a flat surface, let's push this golf ball, and score once in a lifetime.

Success, health, and happiness to all in your business venture, while keeping up good wok (yes, wok, not work:lol) with your work.

Happy cooking!
Bon nuit!

New Year and New

2008-12-31T15:52:00.004-05:00

I like the spanish version of New Year.
Feliz Ano Nuevo

"Feliz" sounds good..."Ano" takes me back, or has some negative impact on me, like a No!No!

"Nuevo" is darn good. I would prefer to say Nuevo in the morning, Nuevo at night, Nuevo all the time. Nuevo Cafe, Nuevo Love...

And, yes...Nuevo means New.

When you go to the shopping mall, you will be more interested in the New shop. New decoration on the shops, new music on the radio, new new new...

Why fashion is so progressive?

I guess, the seek for the new still goes on...

Here we are on a new year's eve...We don't expect too much from the clock ticking from 11.59 to 12am

We see all the time the clock ticking the seconds, minutes, hours, days, nights, weeks, months...

But, when it comes to the year level, we get excited...

Why?

Last new year, I felt a sleep in Philly and woke up by the fire crackers...then went back to sleep immediately.

This year, I have new goals in mind, and cannot stand the fact that I have no secretary to pull them up straight and offer me a fixed agenda for this new year.

It is all me once again, and the new motto is desired to be "%0 Ego", or Zero Ego.

Yes, I like this. Zero Ego Y'all...

Just be yourself, as usual...

To whom it may concern reading or following this blog from around the world. This is Cafe from Turkey and we would love to hear from you. What do you think about Turkey? Hey Finland? Miami? Argentina? Romania, China, Iran, Russia, France? Everyone out there..

Just post your comment somewhere in this blog...Wish you a happy new year, feliz navidad, ohh no, feliz ano nuevo...

Bueno!

Oh well, I forgot to post the next level of love...What do we expect from the love story of Cafe...Nuevo, I mean nothing...It is pure %100 egoless flava...We keep moving...And wish the ones to appear as they are supposed to appear...

Welcome to Turkey. Please unfasten your seat beat, get up, stand up, and move on, enjoy your trip...

As a big fan of design, here is my appreciation from London.
Soner Özenç, a Turkish designer from London, designed a lighted prayer rug for Muslims, which shows the right direction of Mecca, the holy place for Muslims.

A dedication to Ulia Lysenko

2008-11-27T10:06:00.004-05:00

J'adore the portrait of Mrs. Lysenko.
It is not really unfortunate that she is Mrs.
But, I believe there should be similar portrait around the world. I hope it is not very far away from my land.

After some long research and wait, I found out about her blog.

I had no visitors from Russia so far, and I believe after Ulia's entry to my life, I mean my blog, I shall see some movements from the North.

Yes, Ulia. Thanks for entertaining those people watching you on Ru.Tv

I want to share with everyone that your mimic on your face is very genuine. Life should be funny enough to respond with such mimics. I wish you a happy life with your men. And I wish to find a women with such mimics to take the load of stress in this world and convert it to positive energy. And, no, I am not looking for a converter, just a normal woman.

Thanks to your level of modesty which is far from my expectations. So, this is good.

This time, I don't feel like the sheep watching the train passing by the countryside. I am still waiting for the next train, hopefully this time I will catch it.

Now, check Ulia Lysenko and Arseny Borodin (her fiancee, boyfriend, maybe husband, I dunno)

He is blonde, and she is brunette.

I am brunette, so my woman should be blonde!! Why?
Why not? No, I am not kidding, because I like Ulia, but she is taken. So... I dunno, I just think that Cafe's destiny is written by a blonde. I saw it in my prayers. Really, as a faithful person, I saw a blonde wife as I was praying for a woman to marry.

To come up with such solutions we can create further scenarios, but I limit myself with the scenario Ulia offered to us with her preference. Once again, best of luck to this young couple. I would like to meet them once I team up with my blonde. Then, I will post my picture here.

Signature: Cafe

Heart Beat as the life goes on, but...

2008-11-25T11:02:00.002-05:00

It has been a long time and still the heart cannot bear the fact that she is gone, too far, too far away. Still asking the reason why we separated as we were so happy together. Take a glue and try to stick two things together. No matter how perfect the glue is, still things can separate...Put two human beings together, don't use a glue, since their love is more sticky than the glue, but still separation...As a matter of fact I had to postpone my dreams to learn better Russian, for now, we are stuck with business, strictly business.

I wish I would understand one day why the world doesn't give us more time to think for some decisions to make. Can I have 25 hours in some days, and cut my overtime from the other days I will have in my proposal.

Dear Whomever I'm Being Forced to Deal with,

Why are you taking her away from me, while I am coming closer and closer to her..

Thanks to the world with lots of other alternatives...beautiful alternatives...And, in some cases, very confusing...Finding the right girl is like solving the last problem in the math exam. The professor was always putting the most difficult question at the end of the test, and it was like a bonus question. Well, by name, bonus is attractive, we gotta solve it. And, it takes more time than we may think before we begin to solve it.

I wish for a bonus girl with bonus questions that I will need to solve until the end of my life. Otherwise, it will be so boring to say, "oh, finally we're home"

Due to the last crisis around the world, we keep waiting for the moment, when we will execute our long-waited strategies, tackle new markets, and stop waiting for the unexpected and expect the expected..

New Post

2008-11-14T07:00:00.002-05:00

Daily Post, or Washington Post, wait for now, let's call it New Post.

As I mentioned before, I am still a big fan of mind blogging. I would prefer to call one phone number, just speak out my thoughts, and expect it to be well-written on such a blog like cafe alaturca.

Let's see what we will see in the near future about this fact.

About the Cafe drama, we will resume our thoughts and opinion in the next show.

Copy and Paste

2008-11-10T06:11:00.003-05:00

It is already 1pm, and I had too many things in mind to share, vote and discuss. I am not a maniac to add comments on each and every one of my posts. And, continue to discuss each topic, day after day.

Today, cafe opens up the discussion for copy-paste methodology in relationships. How do we pronounce or punctuate our feelings? Are we successful enough? Or, we are circulating around the four letter word, and change the noun and subject every second. I love you, you love me, I love me, me love you.

To create some inspirational moments, cafe is meeting up with you in this blog with different topics and discussions. If the innovation is key in today's business, then innovation is also key in today's relationships.

It should be alright to copy one type of innovative thought in your relationship to your business project, or vice versa. Let's see what we will come up with in the near future.

Cafe meets up with Life

2008-11-07T11:21:00.002-05:00

Dear Life,

If you are reading this, I have a few words to speak to you.

We are meant to pair up in this life to grow new generations. Although it is not as easy as releasing new iPod's, it is fun and it has a humane emotions behind it.

Technology may kill the old-fashioned, groovy, home-baked emotions, and I want to admit that I am using a part of this new technology to speak with visitors from around the world.

If those visitors are just walk-in clients, than it is fine, let it snow, let it snow...

I am not as concerned as other blog writers to fill up this blog with many visitors. My main concern is to leave here a landmark of my fresh feelings and thoughts about life and the pair-up scenario.

We are born with two legs and two arms/hands and two eyes. But, we have one brain and one heart. I guess, we were given one brain and one heart to pair 'em up with another.

Well, I seem to find one pair of brain and heart. Unfortunately, some other person called Leo already made a reservation. It could be Teo, Mayo, or Sergio, it doesn't matter. What is concerning me is that I am unable to meet the demand of my future needs, like earning money for my family, get involved in kids' life, etc.

Otherwise, life rush has been taking me along for a while now, don't worry, I am on my way.

I am just tired of staying behind and keep waiting for my pair.

She was engaged, and I would buy her a pair of gloves, so she can hide it away from me. My main concern was to see if she has the mind and heart matching with mine.

I wanted to be honest and trustworthy, that's why I don't fit in one office, or one cubicle. I am born to build my own company maybe, just waiting for the right moment. Maybe, I am looking for that woman who will pair up with my mind and heart. It is getting so difficult as I am eliminating some current candidates. As the new era suggests as the "new look", I don't want that, I want pure happiness, without any make up. Natural look. Yes, please, bring 'em on.

Natural jokes, flawless speech, modest behavior...

I am still thinking if there is any light in Leo's preferences.

I spoke about painting a picture and check if both pictures match with each other. Essentially and eventually, men shall need to fulfill his woman's dreams, and vice versa. So, painting that picture...

I have so much big bubbles on my Turkish Coffee that I don't think my pair is awaiting me. But, I am mining. I shall meet new people and new places. I am just a little bit tired, although I am still young, there may be too much attention on my innovations and resolutions.

I am sick to tell more lies to my clients from my ex-company. I quit there because I could not resist the office dilemmas and atmosphere with lots of lies, lies, lies.

Since my heart still beating for export, I am trying, and just curious if we will ever be true, honest, straight.

Dear Life,

If you happen to see Leo, tell him he made a bueno choice. I wish him and his beautiful pair of mind & heart good luck, and lots of happiness. I hope, her family will be able to handle a boyfriend from out of bounds. As a person who has been engaged in off-shore love, it is not much anticipated by in-bound family.

But, when two hearts match, sometimes the mind is left behind, and the families are more concerned about the mind-mix, then the happiness of two hearts.

Dear Life,

I realized what I want.

I want a natural, beautiful girl.

I guess, blonde, because in my prayers, I've seen myself marrying a blonde woman. It was before Zair, and after Zair, meeting up with Leo's woman turned on a light bulb in my mind, thinking what if that blonde was Leo's woman.

Excuse me Leo, since you are not married yet, I happen to think like this. Otherwise, I am a person of respect. I would personally congratulate you when you get married, if I happen to learn/know.

Yes, sorry Life, I guess I complicated things up too quickly.

Anyways, today is almost done, and tomorrow the sun will rise earlier, with the same loaded lies about my ex-company, and loaded beliefs for my search for my blonde, and loaded projects to execute for a better financial future.

Looking forward to hear from you, wherever you are,

Kind regards,
Cafe

Facebook - Add to friends...No thanks, I will meet her face to face...

2008-11-06T16:36:00.003-05:00

How would you describe yourself, solely looking at the other person's face?

Does it sound like a scary feeling to meet someone, just relying on some emails and some phone conversations..

If there is no spark, you would not insist..

But if there is some spark, not the Captain Spark type, but emotional type, like thunderstorms in your heart, and your coat is not enough to keep you dry from the bucket-full rain.

It is a sizzling feeling to think what if...

What if I can see if there is anything in her heart that I would also be able to fulfill..

The basic question was:

What do you want/expect from life?

And, the answer is lost within the mobile phone data transfer center. Maybe, the customer service lady liked this a lot, so she saved this "aloha!" question for herself, and my text message never reached her...

Being engaged, I remember that...It was a fuzzy feeling, especially when it is the decision of one person, not a joint decision...

I have no idea what is going on in this scenario...I am just getting more curious every other day..

If I have a chance, I will take that young or adult American to Turkey, and let them have a happy marriage..

Yes, I am irregular, I know. Maybe, I shall sleep on the boat, and never come back to the shores of love again.

They shall be happy forever...

And, when I make a movie out of my box (so called life), then it will be delicious to add such memories..

Visiting the girl whom I like to speak forever, never wishing the end of the conversation to come...

Indeed, I asked two questions.

1- Are you married?
2- Do you have a boyfriend?
3- ..... (could not speak, after the confidence clash due to the powerful impact of these questions.)

Her answer was yes for the first question. Indeed, that ring on her finger was just an engagement ring.

That's why, Mr. Leo. Please resolve this issue as soon as possible.

If I am the CEO of a company, or I have one of those regular business card, will I be evaluated differently? Entrepreneurs sorry finale is their seeks for perfectionism, I guess. Since we can think for a better idea everyday, the finale product never emerges..

Mr. Leo...wherever you are, this is the time to sing,

"Baby, I have some much love for you..."

Mr. Leo, frankly speaking...

Do you love her?

Or, do you cheat on her as soon as you land in the US?

What the hack is going on?

I like to keep things clear. My ambition is to meet her, and understand her. Maybe after that, we would realize that we don't belong to each other, so Mr. Leo, sorry to bother you and include you in this nonsense conversation.

What if, we do?

What if we do match each other perfectly, and you, Mr. Leo, is such mixing things up.

Don't have any idea about her visit to this blog, and realize about the whole brainstorming behind the scenes..

But, I guess, this is encouraging for the new generation who is more concerned about one-night stands, rather than long-term relations.

Yes, I am a traditional men, and I am happy to be frank with her as soon as I meet her face to face.

However, I still hope that I can hear the last words I would like to hear, which are, Sorry Mr. Cafe, it is impossible!!!

Ocho, number eight.
Uno, number one.

Pick whatever number you want, but you seem to be my priority, at the same time, I am thinking for your happiness with Mr. Leo, if all things are considered..

Was a long day instead. Just continue to seek for our "nasip and/or qismet", meaning our lucky number.

Dear Mr. Leo,

Please be as frank as I am towards her, and tell her your genuine reasons to marry her, and genuine feelings you feed towards her.

Let's keep it real, as we say in America.
Let's keep it genuine, coming way down from deep inside our hearts...

God bless America!...

Leo - Too Complicated

2008-11-06T16:04:00.003-05:00

Dear Leo,

Who are you?

Why are you?

Where are you?

Basically...Why?

I wish, I have a chance to speak with her. Not like going out. We can meet at one cafe, and leave out from different doors. We can wear glasses. But, I would like to see her eyes, when we chat.

Tonight's approach may not be right. Plus, there was really big bubbles in my Turkish coffee, before I started to drink it. There is nazar, there is jealousy in the air. I am just not sure, if I will ever have a chance to speak with her.

Just one chance.

Really, just one.

It doesn't mean a date. Stop that!

Just a cafe talk, run or walk, somewhere I can hear her and see her eyes...

As a regular guy with irregular feelings, I feel more complicated, but not as much as she does for her future, if I understand her right.

I hope I would position myself on the right side, like standing by the window, or by the corner, you know, just waiting...But, not waiting foolishly...

That's why...I just want to talk to her, face to face, and check if there is any light.

My friend heard her voice over the phone, and he also thought that the voice was sweet.

What sweet? It is melting my heart. My whole-being...

I did not fall in love with her...Not yet, and cannot. She is engaged. But, day after day, I am getting more curious...

Dear Leo,

Why? and How did you win her heart?

Why she?

Simple questions, unheard answers.

Dear Leo,

I may be able to find you, somewhere over the rainbow...

I don't say I will gettcha!!!

But, who are you to conquer her heart? Just curious really. I wish happiness to both of you.

Just curious, really. I mean it, believe me.

God bless America!

Coincidence Times Coincidence Equals to Zero

2008-11-05T17:21:00.003-05:00

Dear Leo,

Never expect to meet you, but just heard about you.

It was not also expected to have her left alone, with such sympathy, and enthusiasm, and best of all, great sense of humor. You are a lucky person to find such a girl.

For Cafe, the journey just started, after the long-awaited finale with Zair.
It would be such a relief to reach to the shores of long-awaited joyful life, after that foolish struggle for Zair.

Dear Leo,

I just don't understand, how you meant to import love from Turkey. We have lots of great stuff in our country, but why don't you leave such beauties like her in our land. Just curious, really! Why?

I finally decided to travel to the other part of the city and meet her, and realized her ring on her finger, and thought it might be one of "those" rings. In fact, it was your ring, Mr. Leo. Congratulations.

From now on, I can only pray for your happiness, as I believe you match each other perfectly. I hope so. But, if not?

It is not my business to answer that question, but if I sort of love her as well. Honestly, I don't know her as much as you do. But, I desire exactly the same level of sense of humor. Yes, that enthusiasm is all I need in this fast-paced life. The sympathy that will come alive after a long rush work days. She is just so colorful, and fun to talk and listen, forever...

Beg my pardon, also, for some emails I wrote, could be easily recognized as a trial to flirt with her. I was just amazed to hear such a voice, then match that voice with her picture on LinkedIn, then slowly gathered my confidence to meet her personally, finally. Beg my pardon, Mr. Leo. The heart doesn't listen to those cliche rules. It keeps beating...

My heart was beating so fast, I just couldn't figure out how to find the way out, but as I promised to myself, I cut the corners, and asked her those two magical questions, I beg your pardon, Mr. Leo.

I could not have any chance to ask the third question, maybe I didn't believe from the beginning...

Maybe, I just didn't know if she would like to go out for a movie, theater, cafe, or a short walk.

I guess, I just need somebody with such enthusiasm, and if she is reading this, hope she is, then I kindly ask her to find somebody for me. Somebody having similar attributes with her. I want to have a memory out of this long traffic day, resembling heavy traffic in my mind and heart about her answer....

Good job, Mr. Leo. You hit two birds with one stone. You hit her heart and mine, at the same time. She is yours, and I am fined.

The coincidences are:

She came back to Turkey at the same I did.

She is the zodiac sign I guessed.

Her fiancee's name is my zodiac sign.

Her fiancee is foreign, just like mine. Well, I didn't get engaged, officially, but I was, with a foreign girl I met in the US. I broke up with her, due to her changed feelings. I don't know, and I don't want dig further if there is any slight chance for Cafe to meet the Sea again.

Now, staying at the island, unsure about what the winter will bring. Cannot meet the Sea again, unless she gives any signal to me.

Sweden visits my blog for IKEA, what about the rest

2008-10-21T18:18:00.002-04:00

It was an upsetting news to have one visitors from Sweden, and it was a particular visit to my post including a note of IKEA Swedish meatballs. Anyways, visit is a visit, welcome on board. Please fasten your seat belts.

First, unable to contact her, and today finally get to ask her that ultimate question. "Did you get married?" The answer was not surprising, since I heard this before. "Soon" she said. "Is there any candidate" I said. She said, yeah, there are some. "How old is he?" I asked to confirm this neither surprising fact. "Twenty-one"
Same age with her. Not a good plan for marriage, but who knows. It's her life and she should be mature enough to find a "man" who she can manage. One of her companies she was unable to manage was me. As I tried to get the ropes to make decision, we get bankrupted. Finally, when I realized we need to make our decisions TOGETHER, it was too late. I like the fact that I love someone more than I care about myself. Her privacy is not accessible, but with my cell-phone call today, she released the curtain a little bit to sacrifice that important fact to help me construct my own life. She said that (supposedly me) I'm not leaving her alone.

Is it me who is still in the jungle, looking for his mate? Maybe, I need to wait until March, which is the mating season. Shall I postpone my search for her and my trip to Baku. According to her, she would still think about me even she gets married with someone else. What a maniac movement? How is this categorized according to Freud? Or Pythagoras. Right now, I declare the world that I'm deleting this file from my folder called love. I will not copy file to my folder de "hate". Sorry, but I send it to her recycle bin. It's there right now. But, it is recycled. Maybe, we will be best friend when we get married with others. Who knows? I know. Some day, we will find each other. What age? In what marriage status (single or duo). I don't want to know sometimes too much information is really too much. I wish her success, but this blog is unlimited. As I said, I love her more than she loves herself, more than I love myself. But, now, the love is gone.

Gone with the wind, and may Allah keep the wind direction far away from me.

Best wishes,
Cafe

When it hurts, I know it is there

2008-10-16T10:44:00.003-04:00

I just hit my head, accidentally, well, the accident was coming. I hope a hillside beach club will not be formed on my forehead. I wish I could receive a phone call from you, when you read these lines, Ms. Zair. My head aches a lot, my heart is same. If they don't ache, are we gonna know they really play a crucial part in our lives. My head aches a lot now, and there is no ice in the office, I try to put a glass of cold water, touching the glass part. My head aches now, and I hope you are safe in my brain. Maybe I lost a few brain cells, and...
I contacted your sister for a job in Baku, but no response yet. Of course, she is busy with her newborn baby, I am dying, what a pure dilemma in my life. Recently, a Turkish journalist died in Baku during his trip. The cause was heart attack. He had a quote saying he would want to die in Baku. May Allah bless his faults, give "rahmet".
I want to get old with you, and I will keep repeating myself. You have your own choices, I don't know which dressings you would like to use for your own salad. I ordered Turkish Salad, but they have Italian, as well. What do you admire most? I admire you, really. I am losing my patience, I am ready to sell lemons on Baku streets. I would register a company, and begin selling lemons on the street. I would just require a studio apartment, even a rental room with a local family will be acceptable. I just want to breathe the same air. I would repeat this as well. Now the electricity is gone one more time, but now my laptop battery works, yeah I know, my battery is interesting. My head aches, and I don't know who will look after me in Baku. I wish to know, but nobody tells me. I hope to find peace in Baku, finally. But, my head keeps aching, and I don't want to see balloon shaped head on the mirror. I am hopeful, I am optimistic. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I can see the train coming to me. I wish I can come to Baku with train, it is still under construction, I guess I will take the flight. Will it be one-way, or round trip, of course no choice. I shall keep one of my legs in Istanbul to check my folks. I miss you so much, and I guess I will start lobbying with people who knew us. If they also tell you how much I adore you, will things be different? I know your angry moments, and I know sometimes it passes away. This time, you were certain, maybe I just don't want to admit the truth. I would take the streets of Baku as New York City. Don't worry, I have no limits in my imagination boundaries. No limits for other things, but here is not the place to talk such topics like that. One small short and slim quote from my brain, whatever is left after I hit my head. It keeps giving me error, lack of Zair, lack of Zair. I take my vitamins each day, I can easily replace milk with Calcium organic vitamins, vegetables with daily vitamins, fish with omega vitamins, I just cannot replace you in my diet. I keep trying, but the journey is coming to an end, and I am coming to your boundaries. If I can walk on the same pavement you walk to your office, I would feel priveleged to face the cold winter, no worries. I will keep preparing myself mentally and physically, I am just not sure if your sister will be able to help me. Because, I have noone in your land, but I am ready to be nobody in yours faithfully, sincerely, kind regards, beautiful words, cozy street lights, dreamy eyes, comb-me hair, sweet cheeks, kissable lips, all of you...

Deep Note: Today was not a good day at all, not productive, but mentally thought-provocative. And, I hit my head. It should be a pleasure to witness the evolution of this book, so called, Zair and me (Cafe).

Warning: The narrator has no association with the characters in story. His only wish is to be inspiring for new couples, love lovers, movie makers..

Thanks to Feedjit, new widget in my blog, and dear world, I love Zair, sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-16T05:56:00.002-04:00

I feel like I am in prison. They only give a piece of laptop, not to do lap dance, but do some mind dancing. What is it? It is about mining, thinking about what I did wrong that they put me in this lonely prison. Of course, I am not talking about real, square room, iron bars, securities, cameras, etc. I am talking about the "real" prison feeling in normal life. If my heart is chained, and my mind is locked for one special girl, I cannot think of any future for my kids. I am thinking about a happy life, with a love marriage, not monetary marriage. Look at your surroundings. How many families are able to give their kids needed time? We are all in a rush. I am personally in a rush as well, to build up my life financially. But, during this rush, Zair misunderstood me, and took me as someone who doesn't care about her feelings. Her feelings of loss. I have no power left to struggle anymore. I contacted her sister to arrange somewhere to live in her city. As long as I breath the same air, it is OK. At least, I would improve my common senses with her. Currently, I feel that we still love each other, and our hearts beat together, so this is one sense. Second sense would be the air, same air we will breath. I have no doubt if we may improve this further, but I would be satisfied to keep my struggle and aim further. I am optimist and realistic. I don't deny the past, but I cannot wait for the future. This present time is a struggle, and thanks to the new widget in my blog, I just saw her entry from Azerbaijan. Maybe, she told her friends about this place of sadness, place of sorrow, dancing floor of broken hearts. Still, there is news from her country, by this special visit. I feel like hearing from my folks supposedly I am living lonely in a desert. No communications, but somewhere over the mountains, a call is coming, like the call of the prayer. I miss you Zair, I wish I can see you when you visit this blog. I wish I can put my eyes on this blog, so I can record your beauty further. I threw away all your pictures, videos together. I regret. I have nothing left, only one picture from your recent visit to Turkey. Shame on me. Stupid me that I forget all the time to record beautiful moments. But it is OK. As I thought before, all memories are recorded in my mind, my beautiful mind. Allah forgives our sins, we deserve a future together. A future happy, healthy and horny:) No of course, the last word is joke, we need to smile sometimes, so don't forget, smile to the camera, and say Cafe, no Cheese. I say Zair to the camera, when they take a picture. You know, I know. Now, everyone knows.

Bridge now with the past, then walk away

2008-10-15T17:14:00.002-04:00

Reading Paulo Coelho is always inspiring, and here we are lost again as soon as digesting one more chapter. Now far away from the beginning of the book still in the midst of awakening. Mr. Coelho is wondering about his trip to Santiago, the one in Europe, not in Chile. I am wondering about my trip to the US, and still making some connections about the recent actions with past behavior. I guess, the key is not taking one journey and write about the experience. It is the connections, unlike the transfer flights, this takes less time. It is a mind game, essentially, nothing fancy. Not a beduin of arabia, playing chess without any tools, mind chess..It is needless I guess to put Cafe on one side and attach the first two chapters of Coelho's book, Zahir on the other side.
The size of the wordpad was too large, so I minimized it a little bit, sorry for folks watching me from my back, they will not be able to see me right now. I wish there will be a transference mechanism for my thoughts, because many great thoughts are going to recycle bin in my brain. I directed those smart cells to watch the door, but Zair already poisoned them with love that they don't care about the security any more. Many great ideas are taken to the trash can, although I would litter the street with such ideas, so I can come back and pick them up, collect them and seize the opportunity cost for them. The kind of women I dreamed forever, left me suddenly with some foolish memories, now telling me read the book of Coelho called it Zahir, I am calling you Zair darling, what shall I do to begin with? I take my vitamins, and getting better each moment after every hour. It is like bribing the time machine, give me one extra minute after each cycle of hour, so I can think of Zair without getting late to work, or to brush my teeth, or to go to bed. Tardiness is a bad habit, not as bad as smoking, since it kills your lungs, and everything in your beautiful body. I never tried it, but I heard you did for once, or maybe twice, that's it. I tried to kiss you, thanks to your cheeks, they were fresh as sweat caramela. The doctor recommended me to add extra sugar to my Cafe, but you insisted that the amount of glucose is sufficient in your cheeks. I dreamed about you last minute, it was not like missing the last train in the last second. I don't think of you for a second, maybe for once, then I make it a minute. Wait a minute, where are you now, I was just talking to you? You told me to wait, now you are the one who is on the wanted list. I cannot call you, neither I can check if you are tracing me. Only your sister may shed some light to our future, since I have no idea about your presence and your surroundings.
Considering the trip to the US, and evaluating the impact of four years without hearing from her, it is an matchless comparison between the Santiago trip. If I have a chance, I would close my eyes, and ears, just wait for the water coming from your mouth, heated up with your heart, and as a courtesy of your passion, I would accept your apologies. Now I am alone, feels like in the middle of the desert. Literally, looking for an oasis, still dark outside, shall I wait for you to come down from heaven. You are the candle, you are the source of light. As Coelho says, you are the reason of my presence in this ordinary life. Yes, it is true, we are responsible for our parents, and have duties to Allah, and we have some obligations need to be submited to our countries. We believe in same Allah, we have different countries, so different families, and at the end we love each other. Think like this. Draw a line from the point A, the beginning. Then, take the first line up, and the other down. OK, I admit it, I would stay in the bottom, so I can watch you, it is a shame to look at you from above since I don't see myself skilled and experience in this business. The business so called, our careers, I applause your career efforts, whereas, mine has sinus and cosinus all the time, if I can find some tangent, thanks so much. Keep drawing the lines, pass the point B and C, and then join them at the end of the route, point D.

Dear Darling Sweet Heart, Honey Bee Melon, Tea Corn Sugar, Mickey Mouse and his fiancee,
Promise me that one day we will read these drafts together, just like Coelho's 10th draft becoming a book, and published 3 times. I would donate all the money I would make from making our love an ever inspiring book for the rest of the world. I would donate the money for a cause, and spend some time in places where people are starving for love.

Thanks to Allah, we have our families, and Allah bless them all, everyone's loved ones, their families. Each human-being is precious. And, you Zair. You carved so many memories in my whole-being, nothing could erase you from my body, soul, and mind. Please continue to work on some other formulas to cleanse yourself from me. In the meantime, I will buy more sticky notes to decorate the streets you are passing by from your apartment to work, and back. Each sticky note will have one letter on it. The first letter will be Elif, the name of our first children, inshallah.

Cannot Forget Cannot Decide

2008-10-13T15:55:00.003-04:00

Many days, quite a few days past so far. The keyboard is more gentle towards me. I have a pillow behind my back. How you call it? Front part is stomach, the back part is what. Right there, too much pain. Maybe I am a little bit tall, due to that. Too much weight sitting at the top. Not listening to slow tracks. It is about 11pm, getting late. Trying to work until 2am, supposedly waking up by 5-6am. Possible? Cold winter days are coming, and to be honest, I already got flu. Don't message me Zair, my lady, my fairy lady. I wish this blog will recognize me as her boyfriend, or even better, her husband. I wish to receive hourly text messages to my cell phone. It doesn't ring much. Whenever I wake up with the ringtone in the morning, this uses most of the battery life I think. The pillow behind my back is quite comfortable. However, I am not quite this night, tonight. I wish to say a few words about Zair. No music with long story of lyrics are allowed right now. I hear the sound, I decorate it with words on this exclusive route to wisdom, way to love. Redefining the meaning of love in today's world. Had two bad choices in my playlist. I use winamp, yeah, I am old school. Immediately deleted those tracks from my list. The pillow is considerably ok. What if no pillow there, my back hurts, writing under the heat, something like that. Easing up the consequences, still not able to wake up with the call of the prayer from the mosque few meters close to us. Oh not you, you are a little bit far away, and I don't know how further you will hide away from me when I come to Baku. Two months left, and now my military duty is postponed for two more years, I am ready to sail my bike to the Caspian. How would you sail a bike, when you cannot drive a boat, right? I am different, and this is the salt and pepper about us. Us? No more, maybe? It used to be USA, then the first letter in my alphabet, your last name's first letter, A, left me, I got only US. The letter of "S" slowly dispatch towards the middle of the sea to word up S.O.S.

I was about to say again, so what? What is the whole fuss about the seperation four years ago? It happened, it is over, now we are trying to build a future for us? But no, hell no, or hell yeah, I don't decide about the hell, you curse most of the time. I am heavenly pieceful, you play your game, and I will not even knock on the window of Google Web Tracking system called Google Analytics to see if the visitor from Azerbaijan came upon this land. I shall stay silent and try to literally mention all I can.

Imagining a busy life, with a pieceful night. Some love, some joy, some arguments, and some words. Sharing folder will be full of stuff, but we shall decide what to include, what to not? We have filter, we don't drink bottled water. Prefer tap water, more minerals, filtered momentarily. I like that. I like you also but you left me alone, I guess I should stay closer to filtered water. It is pure, transparent, sexy. Third song in the playlist is on, my fingers are getting a little bit tired, but guess what, the third song was half, not full, so here we go. We are rolling in tonight's daily show with Zair and Cafe. I am looking forward to see your comments here, and let everyone watching us in the planet see how miserable I am feeling right now. You shall feel proud, be loud, be proud, like an American Cheerleader in the half-time show. Do you know what you are cheering up for? Enjoy the rest of the night, and tell me please. What is wrong?

Family is an important consept in our traditions. Not mixing up the religions, and discussing them. If you mind, Jewish people are also very close, etc. So, this should not be a topic of religion, but indeed merely purely surely "culture"

We are not having a cultural clash like a girl from village keeping herself away from the sound of the city. We are both city people, we love our lands, and we just cannot get together because we cannot sacrifice.

In Muslim religion, we celebrate a special time once in every year. We sacrifice a chicken, goat, sheep, camel, etc. Whatever we can afford, for the sake of Allah, and then distribute it to the ones who cannot afford to eat meat during the year. Sharing is an important aspect in our religion. We are born to share our wisdom and love towards the betterness of the humanity. See the news, watch the latest headlines. They are talking about billions of dollar loss. Who wins in this game? Who loses? I was hearing about Africa in the US all the time. Africa this, and Africa that. I finished my senior thesis on fair trade coffee, many sad stories in Africa about the game of "aid". They want to trade, but "we" shut them up with "aid."

Dear Zair,

I want to do trade with you. I have too much love kept secure in my savings hormones. No lucky girl had the chance to discriminate, or benefit from these love. Open up the topic of virginity, and I will ban this blog. For some reason, humans are always concerned about the bottom part. The heart and mind are located on the top part. So, ask yourself. Which part is more important? Yes, without the bottom part, we cannot get together and become one. However, with the help of internet, and Google's pretty blog service, blogger, I am approaching to you. No more Skype, no more phone cards, no more e-mails. I wish I can put your phone number in public, so they can call you from all those beautiful countries where my loyal visitors are watching us.

I wish they can call you Zair, why do you put this Cafe bitter? Why do play the bitter songs on the radio? For a while, I played songs for you on the college radio. Did you know that? For a while, I decided to leave my body in the lake. You know, I like fish, so I would die like a fish. Unfortunately, I do not have a fish brain. I cannot forget about you, so the show keeps going on here on this sadly, madly blog.

I learned to press the enter blog, and not sure if one day Google will collapse like the banks around the world. They file bankruptcy reports, basically, they die. If google dies, then creatures coming from Mars will not be able to witness our love. Maybe, they hack the internet already and tracking us down. Unfortunately, Google Analytics currently do not tell me if I have visitors from Mars? I am sure, there are some nice girls visiting this playground from Venus. Oh I love Venus, sorry Zair, but believe me, I would not count on you for Venus. If I win the ticket from this week's lottery, I am going baby. Down with this blog, down with the capitalism. Ooopss, sorry, I mean your capitalism. You cap "I" tallism. You call yourself "I", whereas I call myself you. I am Zair, yes, Cafe is gone, I am deliberately delivering the sound of Zair four years ago. I am not too romantic, I now, otherwise, I would be listening sad, slow songs right now, water these letters with my crying eyes, bitter words will get more sour. Sweet melodies will run dry and dead. Dried fruits are popular in Turkey, we sell these great stuff to the world. What do you sell to the world in Baku? Oil? Caviar? What else? I don't debate with you, in this global world, distances are getting smaller, and there is no single point of discussion to make about who is better and who is right! Don't forget, I used to say I am right, alllll the time, or thyme. Do you like thyme? I like it with meatballs. Not the IKEA Swedish ones. Real, genuine leader (not leather) meatballs. Brrrrrr...Yummy, like your smile, I am slowly sliding down from my pillow.

I am surprised to see no comment on this land of stupidity. I admit, I am stupid. I should have written a book, and then sell it on Amazon. I would work on the grammar, and concentrate on some key concepts to deliver it with a stronger language. Extra sex, extra humor, we would be a best-seller. Why? or Why Not? W is also called double U, to remind. I like double U's. U means you, Zair. And then, you make a U turn and come back to me. U is useful. U is unique. U are wonderful person, and I will not give up on you.

I would give up on my job. The job that I felt a lot of confidence is slowly erasing away from my sight. No single thoughtful person in the sight. Maybe, only the boss, and he is always busy, not concerned about my department. I feel so miserable, not to be with you, to work in this job in this situation with these conditions. I am not working in Chinese toy factories, or other labor discriminated fields. I forget how you call it. Simply say, bad people's bad managed companies employees. Right!

The pillow should have a similar effective reflection in my mind. I fell miserable with the amount of good hormones I produce, and most of them are gone to trash. Not the hormones from the bottom, don't go that far. In our tradition, those hormones will be actively engaged for a better future, don't worry. I am talking about the top priority hormones. Building up new companies in one night stand. Again, a synonmous phrase is used for bottom activities. One night built small company business plans. OK?

When they change the name of Pizza Hut to Pasta Hut in the UK, what do you think? When they ring your bell and tell you it is Dominos Pizza, do you look at your watch to see if it has been more than 30 minutes since you put your order over the phone. It was popular in the US, not they practice it in Turkey. Motorbikes are crazy fast here, not just Pizza, all of them. The busyness is not business. Business is trust, and I am losing the trust of clients due to promises I make but my co-workes, or mainly the boss was unable to keep up with this very small, very less-detailed promises. What an awkward situation? Personally, I am a brand, I am a name, without any stain, that is my promise. But, each foolish day going by, I am losing my trustworthyness. You may like to stay with your confidence area, I am not. I am constantly moving and trying to innovate. In today's world, if you cannot change, you are behind, way behind. I told you many times that I changed. If it was the old Cafe, this blog will be wholly different. I changed, and I am stubborn to find you. Now, I will choose my last song, and conclude this story.

It used to be a dilemma to find daily topics last summer, 2007, while seeking for a job in the US. Now, I deleted the notion of time. Who know what date is today? Without you, I remember the "tomorrow's date" before I go to sleep. Those "dates" are so hot. Cool summer, slow breeze, rainy forests, wavy oceans, from dawn till dusk. I see you baby, shake it your ass, the song called. Another song was about milkshake, etc. Too rude. Sorry, but we have no space for such rudeness.

I already close the page of my mistakes. If I begin to talk about Cafe faults, then I would need to dedicate another blog. There is a difference between immature baby and mature adult. Adult's can work for babies, but babies are not sent by storks. Well, ask for fish, storks can bring you some from the sea, if you want, my sexy baby Zair. I ask the storks in Istanbul, bring me Zair from Caspian Sea, they tell me it is not the migration period. When the time comes for them to migrate to another land, they would tell me that Baku is not on their way. So, my baby. Slow down, drink a glass of water, like me, right now, and look at the mirror, how much do you want to share the rest of your life with me?

Books of drama, drinks of alcohol, smokes of cigarettes are not allowed, sorry. Leave your bad habits behind. I love the nature, and I won't hurt any trees, or ants walking under my feet as I walking...Walking to you...Be careful, I am not running, so don't try to peel bananas and throw them at me. Don't slide me. Don't do this, don't do that, yes, that's enough, free woman. I am sorry, I said I changed, and here we go. I don't mind how you do it, but do something for us, one last time.

Wishing every one a happy new year. See, you think this post was written on New Year's Eve. Yes or no? Tell, be honest, Zair, you answer for everyone. Won't you? Won't you think one last time why we cannot get together, when we understand each other so well. No push, no struggle. We love each other. No push, no struggle, we think about each other every single moment. I don't dream. The balance of my dreams are equal with the amount of work I do for you. Yes, today I am celebrating the paperwork I received from my military duty service. Today is a celebration moment, today is my birthday, or not. When was the day we first met and hang out together? Was it August, or September? Or October? You remember those days perfectly, since you are a perfect woman, and I am your perfect man, here we are moving around with the force of perfect storm. Cold days are coming, and I am looking forward to find a cozy, warm place in Baku to keep myself happy and healthy, FYI (for your information).

I found my motto in Portofino

2008-10-11T11:06:00.005-04:00

The song was like finding the love in Portofino. When the stream of thoughts are running faster than typing fingers, then some thoughts are lost in mind, or somewhere between your brain and fingers. Best guess would be your heart. I suppose I can handle everything with my heart. Today's conversation with co-workers was about Kazakhistan. Imaging the life in the middle asia, reaching finally to the ancestors land of Cafe. Really excited about passing by Zair, and seeing her surprised face. It is not about love anymore. It is about understanding each other. What Zair tells to the universe is that love can last. What cafe is teaching to the galaxy is that people change. So, according to our 3=4 equation, galactic people will conquer the universe and then we will sail with the Noah'a Ark. Don't miss the point. This is how Zair's thoughts are building up. If you want to let your love disappear slowly, try to call her and check how successfully loves are ending up. Loves or laws. I would call it law from now on. Because lawyers make more money than lovers. I have no idea about sinners, but they are supposed to make lots of money as well. Due to the recent flunctuation in the world economy, some people are called to be greedy. I don't press the enter button, I keep typing, since the stream will drain all thoughts for a while, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...
Today Azerbaijan is playing their World Cup Final Qualification match with Finland. Turkey's match is with Bosnia and Herzegovina. Good luck to both Azerbaijan and Turkey, for the sake of Zair and Cafe. Well, lady's first. From now, I shall put her name first. Zair Cafe...Can't wait to drink Zair Cafe one last time which will last forever, like an eternal moment.
Now, I imagine the days in one of the Native American villages. It was cold. In the middle of nowhere. It was during the time before her presence in my life. The small village house, called yurt, was built on this location. There was an oven, heating the whole area. Very cozy place, cozy moments. While doing community service, I had only one thing in my mind. Since there was not much source of light, the sky formed a hallo effect. There was a large big circle around the moon. I keep turning around Zair, but she doesn't move, she doesn't call me. Like the big circle around the moon, I keep rotating around her. She is not my Sun, nor my Moon. Allah is providing the furthermost guidance. If we are drunk, still we shall keep our righteous way. Love dunk people sometimes could make mistakes. We all make mistakes, but disregarding the Higher Authority's rules and regulations would be the biggest mistake. So, stop for a minute now. As the Quaker Religion followers do, make a moment of silence. Religions are offering good guidance, as long as we know how to digest it with the modern world demands. Just like forcing the women to cover her hair, there are better, more modern options available. After all, she is gone, what is the point in discussing all these issues.
This time, we were in a church. There was a small concert. They were playing Middle Eastern music. All musicians were American, though. Interesting blend. I happen to make an unnecessary joke about the Virgin Mary statue in the church. Zair didn't like the joke at all. She though it was a discrimination of religions, whereas all religions guide the humans to one way, piece. I was ashamed of my attitude. I did all I can to make her forgive me. After all these years, I still remember that moment of "silence". Indeed, I was loud, and speaking to her, not a genuine silence at all. But, when you go back to that moment, and think how stupid it is to talk nonsense about other religion, with a huge lack of knowledge, then it is a "silence", asking myself over and over again why it was necessary to make such a joke. I listened to the religion of Christianity from a reverant in one church close to my college. It was the uneven times when I was about to lose her. Thinking the possibility of taking her back to where we met, I was uneven, lost, upset. The reverant was very friendly, spoke about his trip to Istanbul, visiting Blue Mosque. Whomever I talk about Turkey, they do mention about Blue Mosque. My ears are turning red, and in the past, during my uneven days, I was normal, but my heart was cripy red. I got cold now, sneezed a few moments ago. What if we were together, and I would make her sick as well. Not thinking about being healthy together, sick together. But, I would eat a raw uncooked chicken for her. Whatever she wants, I would like to hear it now. It was "leave me alone", the last wish I heard from her. I couldn't hear these sentences, when I was away from her. The faith and strong passion I feed towards this relation, always avoid me to forget about her. Imagining our kids lead me to face all sorts of difficulties and adventures in the land of opportunities. Now, still chasing the opportunities in the old school, historical grounds of Anatolia. I have firm belief about my way to happiness. If one's happiness is other's sorrow, what is the point. No, it is not like 3=4. It is not like A is B, B is C, then A is C. Not that philoffy stuff. She accused me of being philosophical in this blog, to me, Cafe is having a big trouble to solve this equation offered by Zair. She thinks that I was graduated with a Math degree. Sorry, I promised to do so, but then give up to finish earlier with a business major, and approach to her quicker. We all have dreams, and I wrote this sentence without looking at the screen. I don't look and lock at the keyboard, I know how tired the keys on the keyboard are, but they are the keys to my happiness. Here, I am offering some coffee break for busy people, business people, home lovers, sipping their cafes. Would you sleep or sip or slip? Imagine one cup of coffee, and think what you can do with it. For me, I would finish the mysterious cup of Turkish coffee as soon as possible, and close it. Open it up to read the grounds forming mystic images. Where are you Zair? You promised to meet me in this cup. Where are you? You were not waiting for me in bus stop we arranged, build together in the border of your wake-up time, and my best sleepy moments. I try to use the two hour time difference between us wisely enough. I wish you a happy new year, because it may not be a nice happy new year's eve for you, when I am in the land of nowhere for me. I would be lost in Baku, and I will enjoy it without you. I am not following you, I am not a maniac. I am following my destiny. I met you, I loved you, I fed my strong belief to do once what you want from me. Could not give up on my goals, when you offered me a hand in Baku, to study there together. Now, I am turning all my investments towards the city of Baku. If you read this post, please comment about Baku, and tell our loyal readers what is the meaning of Baku? I will be back later, just cannot put a final dot. If I have a boat to sail in Caspian Sea, would you come with me, so you can push me to the sea, and let me sink there. I am like a bottle, I will come back to the surface, don't worry. I am personally a message in a bottle. I am coming to your land for a while to give this message. You will have some time, don't worry. No tests are required. Bring in one piece of mind, and no glasses are allowed to cover your olive eyes. I forget to drink my shot of olive oil in the morning, to clean up my stomach. Would you kiss me one last time, so I can recover my loss of morning cleansing shot, and I love you a lot, just a lot to keep posting my past and present and future.
Signed and dated by: Cafe...

Sedona Perfumery is proud to sponsor Cafe and Zair Moments

2008-10-11T10:38:00.003-04:00

Dear Loyal Visitors, passengers, people and children...
I personally put myself in the children category :-)
Finally, we manage to decorate our blog with rare perfumes offered by Sedona Perfumery (an Amazon.com store). Please visit their website for very hard-to-find perfumes. They shipped to many countries around the world.
Here is a quick summary from their company profile. We will continue with more Cafe and Zair moments later on...Keep in touch...

Since February, 2008, we successfully shipped to the following countries:

Countries
AU - Australia
BE - Belgium
BR - Brazil
CA - Canada
CH - Switzerland
CO - Colombia
DE - Germany
DK - Denmark
ES - Spain
FI - Finland
FR - France
GB - United Kingdom
GR - Greece
HU - Hungary
IE - Ireland
IL - Israel
IT - Italy
JP - Japan
NL - Netherlands
PL - Poland
PT - Portugal
SE - Sweden
SK - Slovak Republic
USA - United States of America

From USA, we shipped to the following states:
CA, CT, FL, GA, IL, KS, LA, MA, MD, MI, MN, MS, NJ, NY, OH, OK, PA, RI, TX, VA, WA, WI

Sedona Perfumery - Worldwide Shipping, Hard-To-Find Fragrances

Karabagh Genocide ??? and my mind...

2008-10-10T14:28:00.003-04:00

Yes, indeed. We will discuss this political matter soon.
For now, I shut my mouth. And, share this..As always, the blog is managed by the narrator, and the stories we post are all a result of Cafe and Zahir relation. We will not discuss politics unless it relates to the grapes of wisdom, and the wine of love.
Kissing the inner part of my arm muscle, between the armpit and elbow.
It feels like her cheeks.
Offf and offffff....a middle eastern sigh, offffffffffff and offfffffffff.....

Watched the movie Navajo Joe..The native american man and the woman, like Cafe and Zair. Indeed, Cafe and Zair met in the naive deserts of Navajos, Hopes, and other tribes in the Southern USA.

I may go to the past in a bit, if I can solve my problems with the present. Going to the past times is quite easy. Lying under the sun, or merely watching the stars which are in fact watching us. In fact or indeed, I know one reality is that I do not what she is up to? What Zair is doing while I am shouting to the world why these moments are being lost. These moments are being reflected from deep in my heart to my mind and then ending up in this blog, wishing for shooting stars to chase the dirty, bad, disturbing feelings around her mind which is sending bad, bad, bad signals to her beautiful heart. Her heart is already conquered by mine, just the mind is upset with the past, and as I said, the past can be archieved, and then opened up. Just like Armenian Genocide, Turkish Genocide, and Karabagh Genocide. If the archieves are opened wholeheaertedly, the world will face the real facts, rather than fake facts. I am telling what is right what is wrong. I am solely concerned with my love being discriminated by some eyes. Some eyes are looking passionately, some are blank. Her eyes were always full, and I would prefer to watch the TV, I would prefer to look at her. To date her, forget it, I would just sit next to her and stare at her eyes. I will not bid on any girls for that, but her eyes are like the candle in the sky. I never saw one, but yes, this candle is flying...It keeps moving back and forth.
Now, I am a little bit sick. No, I am not "sick of this situation". I am sick sick. Yes, the weathers are changing, and I cut my hair, so I can move forward quicker. I am coming to Zair. I don't expect any hospitability. Today, I shared this plan with two friends. One of them is the barber, and the other is my doctor. Yes, it is true, I miss you, but I cannot love you Zair, if you hide behind, or deny this passion. I would preserve my love, and believe me it is still fresh, just like Turkish Homemade Jelly (or Jam). No preservatives, nada, nothing, don't worry. As you are concerned about your health, me either. In today's world, living in the city left only one choice, live organic. Don't know how your fruits and vegetables are being offered to you in the market, still have limited access to the ones that you know the quality. I know the quality of this love, but not sure about the expiration date. I would say I will love you until I am gone. I am gone with the wind, but the storm wasn't in the plan. Don't twist me up and down, I am done, let me go, meaning, let me come. Shut the door, leave your life, I mean live your life, of course, I am not, but what am I to you? I am not, but what you are to me? Think about it, fasten your seat belt, because it will be a short trip.

Turkish Genocide DVD ??? and Deep in My Heart !!!

2008-10-09T14:00:00.001-04:00

Will have more comments about this. Now, let me post today's news from deep in my heart:

Writing these words while I am offline. It will be a pleasure to copy all these "nonsense" "unloved" feelings within one click, and paste them all on this cozy blog within one shot. Unlike drinking the full alcohol drink in one shot, this will be more sober. No idea about being drunk, but became an expert about being love-dunk. Not a donkey, me, oh no, or well yes, maybe a goat waiting on the bridge crossing from Turkey to Azerbaijan. It is not Axier-Bye-Jaan, or Tour-Key. Don't forget the exclamation mark, and the explanation part. Still in love with her absence, cannot imagine my love with her presence. Maybe I said this before, but it is true and I am in love with her wholesome. If she is a kind of bread, will I call her 10 grains whole wheat sophisticated extravaganza bread, or simple pure white bread, oh don't forget, the thick, dense, Russian black bread. Well, I will choose none of them. Too much bread is unhealthy. Yes, some is necessary, and can be replaced with another type of carbohydrate in your diet. Is it carbohydrate or something else, I forget, no internet, cannot spell check. Too crowded in my mind, still ready just like 2 days ago, or since she left me alone. Still ready to departure for Baku, waiting for a new life, interesting, humble, and simple. Yes, indeed, I come from the middle asia, my ancestors were nomads. Really ready to become the new era, new generation of sales nomad, or nomadic sales. Don't know if it is cool, or fool to run around away from homeland, but have my reasons ready and all set. I heard people write on internet forums when they escape from their daily routine of work life, I disagree with that, here I am sharing my plan, inspiring some, and entertaining others. It is all about Cafe pleasure, sizzling feeling, unlike a KFC chicken, or McDonald's French Fries, or Starbucks Somepresso. Living in a life without internet would lead me to one thing, to think. To think how I will keep constructing my steps, my bold steps to Baku, to her motherland, to her beloved city. Visited this mysterious location more than four years ago, heard about the new improvements in life styles, living situations, etc. Wasn't bad at all four years ago, but don't imagine it as another Dubai, in fact wouldn't like to see Dubai Version 2 (Converted from Old City Baku). Oh yeah, they still preserve the oldies old city Baku. We say in Turkish Baki, which means smart, I think, like to say "stay baki", "stay conscious", or does it translate into another meaning, like, like her, her Le y (and) her La. Looking at my lips, seemed like her lips (ok without the lipstick:), on the rear window while driving, ok, don't worry I didn't drive the car, just sitting on the passenger seat, looking at the passing cars, imagining my past enthusiasm. Life was full of all that sort of feelings, good feelings, happy feelings, creative and optimistic feelings. The realities dropped the pressure for a while, than paused the life for a while. Oh no, it wasn't like today's HD Televisions, no plasma or LCD at all, yes, it was four years ago, or say three. But, it was uncommon to see. So, pausing was messy, not quality, losing the view, then it rained and snowed, sun rise, and dawn, we lost the connection. Nomad Cafe travelled around the US, jumped from one college to another, mixed all sorts of classes, then ended up finishing college vollege bollege in three years. So, 4 is not always equals to 4. I made it equal to 3. I tried to tighten the stone, thought it will be a thorn. Didn't try to put my hands in bloody, like they say in England, oh bloody life, bloody car, etc. Not meaning killing, but shitty, I guess, it was translated into this. I prepared a space in my mind, not calling it bloody, or shitty, but pretty. And the thorn in my hand was a result of all the roses I picked up fresh from the garden to decorate this space. Went to the mosque before 11am, to check what's going on, what is right, what is not. All Paulo Coelho dramas contain a skim milk of sex content. I never mention that, won't do that, because it is supposed to be sacred. As we are mixing all sorts of stuff together to think we are creative, and so. Life is simple, we are making it complex at all. Don't want to discuss how HIV Virus began. The real virus is in our minds, just need to cleanse, tone, and moisturize. Well, also protect, the sunshine is dangerous nowadays. We made the ozone layer disappear, and she did my lovely protection... Don't want to accuse her, but cannot understand the three big letters, WHY? Three big letters, but four characters in total. See, once again, 4 is not equal to 3. I would wait for her to marry someone else. Can't hold another girl's hand, without confirming her independance. Since I declared my addiction, and being prescribed to take "her" drugs, the drugs that drag me down and up, now holds me alive, but not live, thinking about being alive in the past with her, unknown livability mobility, forgetibility, maybility. If I add a new word meaning her passion, her relations, her devotion, and her divorsion, will wikipedia accept my entry. Can't put her attitude in one word, if me another men, he would say **** Off. Me as person of faith, person from Sufism to Mevlana, person from complexity to simplicity, will only tell her, or just tell to the mountains, because she doesn't listen to me anymore. What am I gonna say? Hmmm. Nothing left at all. I remember her name, is it enough?, I would cry out her name in such way from the nearest Turkish hills to the further mountains in Turkey, than to all mountains in the Eastern part, coming towards Baku, passing Himalayas, matching all echos and sounds, traveling around the world. Her name will travel around the world at the speed of light, well no, keep it slower, no rush, since she will still close her eyes, ears, and other parts like lips, since I am not allowed to kiss. Would you let someone kiss you, indeed you are prohibited to speak with her. Believe, just staring at her would be acceptable. Only seeing her eyes, and solve the quantum physics in her physical being. I wanna discover her mental being, because I know there is something else is hidden behind her virtual image. The internet is still not on, but me, I am turned on, I am turned on to tell this young men and women to stop the war, make piece forever. The wars should be over, putting reasons behind the goal of wars is nonsense. If I try to say I hate her after all, will it seem logical at all. No, please, leave the sugar, I prefer my cafe simple, my cafe naive and, and, and Frank Sinatra concludes my untidy sentences, he is singing in the rain, walking under the rain, and we all walking under the rain of my thoughts keeping up my desire. Wanna say thanks to the beautiful Azeri person who visited my blog consecutively since the seperation. It is a pleasure to see the visits growing from 1 to 1, and then another 1, each day. Is it her new bf? Or another beautiful girl, although don't think there is another girl like her, Azeri not another origin. She is Original. It feels like a small girl shut the door in front me, chased me first, left me then, watches me now. Opening the door whenever she likes, since I don't put a security cam on the blog, to see who is watching me, or not. Just able to track loyal visitors down with Google Analytics, free service, quality feeds. This love was free indeed, and feed me with quality things. Shall I say things, or thorns again, because my heart is broken, her heart was broken many times, and she is fed up now. The mosque that I visited 2 hours ago now sings the prayer. No, it has not been two hours since I said the first word in this ocean of words. Open her eyes, let her see me, I am not angry, just curious to see her face, when she will need to..She will maybe see, maybe hide more when I come to Baku, but I am excited to return to my nomadic style after less than a year experience in Turkey. You read this all, don't think "I" is me, me is "I". "I" is Cafe, and I love Cafe. No, Cafe doesn't love Cafe, I, me the narrator, loves Cafe. We, or me, or I, is only a narrator, the bridge between Cafe and Zair. Poisoned once, and now writing continuously about this broken hearts. I called the people who sweeps the streets, they respect this love, don't want to trash it away. I indeed and in fact, and in love, never expected to trash her. Will not trash her, until I see her, and offer my proposal. Make my proposal, or say however you like. The prayers end now, and Allah is great, he makes the plan, so the last dot here ends.

Armenian Genocide DVD ???

2008-10-08T04:07:00.002-04:00

Yes, I wouldn't believe this unless I will see it with my eyes. But, sorry to see this:

Google Ads displayed this ad on my friendly blog:

"Armenian Genocide DVD

Critically Acclaimed Worldwide DVD for 20% off retail just $24.95!"

I guess, I need to promote some other informative DVD series that will be "as helpful as" this one.

It is interesting that Armenia is between Turkey and Azerbaijan, two lovers of our Cafe Zahir series cast members. Turkish Cafe and Azeri Zahir.

Austin-Leyland Tractor Old School

2008-10-07T02:38:00.004-04:00

Today, google required me to sign to the blogger, although I was already signed in to Gmail. It is similar to being signed in to you, but still you are requiring me to sign in over and over again. Here is my new BG picture. It is very inspiring :-))

Although I feel that she slowly dissolves in my life, my passion to go and live in her city for a while grows day after day. Hard to imagine why we need to do the things we did before. But, it sounds needless to ask why, rather to say Thanks God, this is over, as the patience is the best virtue.

Paulo Coelho - Zahir ... here begins..

2008-10-06T15:43:00.002-04:00

I begin to write short poems for a person I adore. I become the narrator for the sake of this connection. Tried to be a bridge, but due to latest technology, bridges are collapsed and replaced with light speed transfer room, like Star Trek. Enter one room and press the button to send you somewhere in the galaxy. Don't have a passion to survive in the large world of writers, singers, literature. Just trying to skim the milk of wisdom. It has been four long years, seemed like it will never pass. At least, now I look at the future which is coming very fast, and I try to skim the milk of wisdom slowly but surely, knowing what I am really trying to accomplish. Attempted to contact her a couple of times, though felt bad about bothering her. I am lost in her world, and I am sure she already use that latest hi-tech stuff to ensure best view on her computer. I admire the keyboard, each finger tapping on any key is honored to approach her one letter closer. The last dot is hidden between her lips, willing to hear it, but cannot resist it. Never do something that you will regret, and leaving her alone in her beautiful country will be something that I will regret forever. I always mumbled mine is right, yours is not. Now, the time to communicate finally arrived, though lost the connection again. Sorry, but there is no wireless in this town, so got to have an ethernet cable, but not sure which color. Blue or yellow, pink or black. I offer her the options, it is a pleasure to deny the right to choose. I made my choice while preparing the ballot for her. Vote for her, never mind me, I will be the Vice Pres. I am not impressed with her own dilemma, creating her own little scenario, and chasing her strong beliefs. Well, if lies are to be adores like realities, then realities are lost within lies, or let's call it thinkings. Twinings is a good flavor tea, especially when you add it to regular Earl Grey Black Turkish Tea. It is not like opening the Turkish carpet and sitting in the center. I already told her that I am not moving around the world, or stayin in the center. I don't mind two windows open on my sides, but let me have my own little world with my own little feelings that I fed so far. They are not cage birds. They are organic, and cage free birds. All eggs are organic and cage free, so. In these days, when we are not sure what we eat, at least give me a chance to speak, listen and read your eyes. This is my invitation to you to think twice. Or, take your time, as I will come next to you, you will make more mature decisions to see if we can survive together, or we shall dispose our batteries.

Tracking the last steps of wisdom

2008-10-06T03:20:00.003-04:00

If it is a wise decision to track you down, then here I come.
Some decisions are to be made, like an asphalt road..
You have to water the asphalt, once it is constructed.

My heart is covered with asphalt, so you can drive your SUV on it, safely. No bumps, or holes..Very smooth drive..Unfortunately, it is not listed as highway yet, so you will have a speed limit. I wonder how many passengers you can drive, while I am being swallowing the exhaust gas. I wish you have tested your vehicle for exhaust emissions. Toyota is an environmentally friendly car manufacturer, but I don't believe it is Toyota's fault, but yours? Keep driving your SUV on my newly constructed asphalt road. Well, it is not a highway, also it is not even a road. Maybe, only a short dead-end street. Yes darling, it is dead-end, so once you enter, there is no exit. You have to pull your SUV backwards, and there are a lot trees, to keep the oxygen level high in my heart. You won't be able to see your back, while driving. So, please be careful, stay here for some time. You will see, we are very hospitable. We are not maniac though. We don't need visitors who are not respectful. We are just humans, waiting to hear from long-waited passengers to stop by our newly built house. Newly built life.

Blog will be updated soon, exciting design is coming up next

2008-09-28T04:00:00.004-04:00

After the revolutionary break-up of Zair from Cafe, as the narrator, I decided to continue this drama further. In order to have this story continue, I will be updating the page with some supportive elements. After all, it just too sorry for Zair to have such a decision.
And, after all, we are all humans, so Zair and Cafe should at least stay alive in this blog. So, we will see if they will be together again.

To have this blog work more actively, Zair will be pronounced like "She", and Cafe will be pronounced like "I"

Cafe Zair may not be available in stores, but She & I might be, who knows.
"I will be waiting for her" might even be the hit single in this debut album.

Bookmark this blog. Otherwise, what is out there to enjoy the morning coffee, or late nite drink after work.

Blog Friend

2008-09-27T13:04:00.002-04:00

Yes, indeed. Blog became Cafe's only friend.

Cafe is the Mecnun character in the world famous story..

Cafe's phone ring before that final conversation...it seemed to be eternal...

He thinks it won't happen again, though he will live with that dream for a couple of more days, weeks, months, maybe years....

27 September 2008 6.36pm Turkish Time

2008-09-27T11:44:00.002-04:00

Yes, she said three times, I don't love you.
What would you do in this case?
But, called again.
To say, Cafe disappeared 4 years ago, and she doesn't want Cafe to disappear again.

Cafe couldn't cry, as he heard three times about her special "love" declaration.
Cafe only thought further, who washed her brain this much that she is still obsessed with the past separation.

She is addicted with the past. Cafe is addicted to her. But, Cafe is NOT addicted to the past. He is sorry for his actions and bad behavior.

Allah will evaluate the strength in each one's life.
Cafe still loves her, and Cafe is NOT stupid enough to leave her alone.
Fight will continue.
Without any further emails...just posting on this wall.
I will I got press a button on this blog, and whenever she happens to open this blog, it will scream, Zair......Marry Me....Forgive Me......

I shall press that button, Cafe says...

Cafe says a lot of things, but some ears are deaf, what can he do?

Some hearts are dead, what can he do?

Zair and Cafe loved each other once.
As Cafe disappeared, Zair's love melted..while Cafe's love was heating up...

Now what?

Too early to decide...

Allah has a plan...Cafe is loyal, we shall see if Zair is?

Sometimes, Somewhere over the rainbow

2008-09-25T06:30:00.004-04:00

I am sick of typing, sometimes I want to open the window and shout outside the name of Zair. It is sometimes just TOO MUCH, while enjoying the purity and simplicity of "Zahir", feeling the love of her, whilst she is not with me....Cafe Says...

Cafe wants to say a lot of things...A LOT....

For now, my window is this blog...Allah qoysa, I will reach to her...inshallah (hopefully)...

No pain no gain is the motto in the army.
My life became a copy of army duty.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...As Frank Sinatra says..

By the way, Queen had a new album, Ms. Zair, have you heard that?
Queen + Paul Rodgers

I am putting up some links, but as you know web life is also not eternal...some links become dead link as well..I just don't want this blog to go death without you...May Allah bring you back to me...

....Cafe says,

Also, Cafe wanted to go to Ukraine with his friend, and Zair was upset. That trip never happened, and Zair likes the singer Бумбокс, and I like to listen to this singer, and his group is on tour in Ukraine, plus they are from Ukraine. What a coincidense...I believe in signs and my signs show me approaching to Zair...inshallah.....

2 Hours Passed, I already Missed Her

2008-09-25T03:21:00.002-04:00

Yes, indeed.

Just for the sake of making her wish come true, I am unable to "bother/disturb" her.

In fact, I would talk more in depth about her last sentence, maybe I will find some parts that make me feel more guilty, so I will feel bad, sad, but not mad.

Let's revisit her last quote:
"i want you to leave me alone..let me live quetly my life without disturbing, keepin me away from any news from u"

Well, it is just too hard to talk further about this quote. She did not live any open door for Cafe to brew some more beans and serve under the carpet, as if bribing her feelings.
Wow, I like that...Bribing her feelings...very relative to today's capitalist mentality, to accomplish our lucrative goals, bribing is not a big deal. Under the carpet money...

I won't bribe her feelings, instead I will use my flying carpet to pray to Allah and bring her back to me, Cafe says.

Cafe says everything, do not misunderstand me, the narrator who is just a bridge between East and West, like Bosphorus Bridge. Speaking of this bridge, let me add the photo of Cafe reclaiming his desire, his insistence on taking her back. What a stupid life to lose your loved ones. We should be more like a human, rather than animals, or birds, or even fish.
I feel like a fish in the aquarium, making the same mistakes over and over again, and do not realize I am still in the same fish tank.

Songs that should be reflecting Cafe vs. Zair

2008-09-25T02:16:00.004-04:00

First of all, I should clarify that Zair is not Cafe's poison, but instead medicine. So, please refer to this modification.

She recommended two songs from Бумбокс.
One of them:
Бумбокс - Вахтерам
Well, I don't know Russian either, so anyone who can translate the name of the song and the singer, would be highly appreciated.
The other song is: Бумбокс - Та4то

One day I will understand Russian, I just don't know when.

EDIT: I got more information about this singer. Check out last.fm profile.

Beginning a new day....

2008-09-25T01:22:00.002-04:00

Hi everyone,

Cafe is proud to sponsor the 1st annual breakup-shakedown-get married awards.
What does it mean?
It means, you need to work very hard to have your girlfriend try to break-up, then you need to shake down and ask yourself what is wrong with you that this separation happens, and then you find the cure and get married finally.

Cafe is not absolutely sure in what phase of this tri-step process he is hanging around.
It is definitely, the break-up step, but maybe close to shakedown...Since Cafe is thinking each day what he has done to her...How he was unable to reply back to Zair's wishes...

The biggest lesson Cafe learned from the last two days' email conversations with Zair is that:

Ask this question to your girlfriend, to your wife...

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I realized it is so important. Cafe has been planning to get out of the s*** hole he put himself in, as he was slowly losing her 4 years ago. That s*** hole was like the ones in Hopi Village. They dig a hole in the ground at the height of a regular person. All year, they use that hole for their extraction (toiletry) needs. Indeed, Cafe dig similar hole, at the quantity of four. All of them are full now, and finally he realized to ask this important question:

What do you want Zair?

All these years, it was more important to ask similar question to himself, and always motivate himself to accomplish these goals.

Of course, maybe 3 years ago, calling her and asking what do you want Zair, may be answered like, "Get outta my life!!!"
This would be pretty disturbing for Cafe trying to accomplish his goals...

Thanks to Cafe Alaturca sponsoring the annual arguments between Cafe and Zair.
Those arguments were always flourishing..and those arguments were always deeply involving MISUNDERSTANDING...
This is pretty bad. A lack of communication and understanding hurts both sides...
Allah knows two routes end up merging ahead of us. We shall see, what future days will bring to our lives.

In fact, having the pleasure of accomplishing something that Zair wants, Cafe is enjoying the ultimate happiness. Even though it is not Cafe's most wanted wishes, it feels great.

Last, I quote what Zair wants;
"i want you to leave me alone..let me live quetly my life without disturbing, keepin me away from any news from u"

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...

2008-09-24T06:26:00.002-04:00

"Hello world,"

This was the first command we gave in using the Java computer program. My interest slowly disappeared to a new addiction for coffee from Java. There is also Jaws, the movie with the big fish, it is off-topic, though.
Yesterday, long-waited visitor from Baku came to our site. She spent about 11 minutes here.

I am so jealous of this blog which gets a chance to see her eyes. Not for a second, or a moment. But, 11 big minutes.

The stories of Cafe will continue until Zair will accept Cafe's marriage proposal.

Usually, couples spend time and then the eternal moment comes up when the men proposes marriage to the women. In this Cafe case, proposing is different. As you witness here, from the initial proposal time in 2004 till now, the period continues...Hoping to have this moments multiplied by 111111 more days, more weeks, more months, and years...

Life is more precious when it is shared. Just like a cup of Turkish coffee, which leads a long way back to the past and paves the way to the future.

Zair and Cafe
Why not
Why not?*?*?

Cafe comments on Leila movie on Amazon.com

2008-09-24T04:26:00.005-04:00

Yes, immediately, after watching the movie called Leila, cafe wrote the comments on
website. Quoted below:

Marriage of love; being able to give a birth to a male child;mother-in-law factor;culture,

March 19, 2007

If you want to watch a film with a true love between a husband and wife, I'd highly recommend this film. A husband is allowing his wife to make her own decisions and create a mutual discussion platform. This must be a very important feature of genuine love between a couple in an UNEXPECTED geography.
However, there is often a third person who is not happy with the two's happiness. This third person is sometimes the whole society, sometimes a single person. Let's call it "the third eye." In this culture, people believe in nazar (the envy and maybe grudge of other people). And the director clearly portrays the evil eye hanging next to the entrance door to the house of the couple (Leila and Reza). Yes, there are several ways to keep that third eye away from destructing the happiness of the two. "Dua" (praying to God) keeps the relationship safe and healthy from harm. Dua is the core of life. Dua is the core of strong belief in God. That's what we see in the film many actors are praying for the sake of Reza (the husband) and Leila (the wife).
*Evil Eye is just one of those traditions to keep the envy of the society or those people jealous of the couple's happiness.

Reza is a very nice gentleman offering his wife presents and treats in several occasions. He takes her out and he LISTENS to her. This is a portrayal of the true possibility of MUTUAL LOVE existing in a place with lots of biased views about it. The plot takes place in Iran and many people have very biased views about the country. You can immediately recognize the veil Leila (the main actor) wearing on the cover of the DVD. What does it imply? Oh, this is just another middle Eastern movie? I guess not. So, please leave your BIASED VIEWS and give this film a try.

There is a culture embedded in this film. The culture of Islam is truly reflected in many occasions without favoring the extremist side or "modernized" side. There is very well balance constructed in this film. I heard from another reviewer that the director had his college education in the US. However, the director did not bring a stranger's eye to an everyday possible event of a marriage without a child.
This film might also be directed from a stranger's eye through many ways. The veil might be recognized as a false practice, or say the women's rights might be discussed, or the husband might be rejecting his customs and hold his wife's hand publicly, and even kiss her in the street.
No, there is no stranger's eye in this film. It is fresh from the roots of the culture, and I congratulate the director to clearly articulating the customs of his country and still portraying a very usual problem in marriage (which is the must of having a son to continue the generation of the man).

I also continued on another DVD review of Leila Hatami to write more about Leila movie. Quoted below:
I am sorry I had some words to include for Leila Hatami's other film called Leila,

March 19, 2007

Please pardon my review, I could not include last part of my review for Leila Hatami's other film called Leila.
Here it is:
------
A couple of suggestions and thumps ups about some issues discussed in the film:
1) True love waits. Both man and woman can love each other. Mutual love is possible. Life is not about sex, the director did not NEED to show any scene with the truly&passionately-in-love couple having sex. Yes, maybe it is not allowed in the country to have such a film, but he showed the audience that we do NOT need to see them having sex to confirm that they have a passionate relationship.
2) Mother-in-laws can be very influencing. Still, the wife listens to her mother-in-law. I really felt bad about Leila being deeply influenced and left struggling with the idea of accepting a second wife in the house.
3) The beautiful women named Leila (with a beautiful name meaning "night") showing such incredible patience until she sees the second women in her house. Then, she runs away from the fact that now there is her, husband, and new wife. It is truly unacceptable to have two women in the same house, in today's world. But, do not forget to look back and read what was it like for a man to marry more than one women. Please, do not rely on one source of information. Bring three different viewpoints to your own conclusion. Regulations change relative to the period of time.
4) The religion of Islam was embedded in the sequence of actions in the film. However, the director did not choose to let us hear "the athan (call of the prayer)" in the film. Still, we had a chance to witness the women praying in many scenes. "The willing of God" was well explained in the film.
5) 129 minutes for a film is not short, but may be long. However, you do not feel like it. I wanted to watch more although it was the end when Leila had finally seen his husband's daughter from his second wife whom he divorced (by mutual agreement) after the birth of the child.
6) And last, the Turkish coffee, or Arabic coffee (or even Greek coffee:) Yes, in the film there are a couple of scenes where Leila and Reza are reading the grounds of the coffee (Turkish coffee cup reading, or fortune telling). Although it is not highly recommended to base your life on mystery, still it is different flavor in life, like a break from reality, and rely on some strong imagination. Yes, even listening to the other person reading and interpreting the symbols on your coffee ground is exciting and thought-provoking. Won't you like someone to read about how you feel now and what might happen in your future without giving that person any clue other than the coffee you just drank and turned over to let the coffee grounds dry.
7-a) OK, one more:) I liked the marriage ceremony (well, the first one, because the second one was heart-breaking for Leila. The cars were honking and following the car of the bride and the groom.
7-b) The idea of service. The incredible acknowledgment of endless serving food and drinks to your guests.
7-c) Kebab in the country side. Very lovely, relaxing, enjoying.
7-d) Every religion has its characteristics. Islam is a religion of peace and faith. This film clearly articulates the faith and peace components well.

This film is full of culture. And this is my first review:) I tried to raise some questions from some of the scenes in the film. Thanks for your time.

What if we were already be together?

2008-09-24T02:35:00.004-04:00

I am feeling awkward about the time we are postponing in our life to be together. Mutual arguments can make the relation stronger, as long as these arguments are not in the form of fighting.

Cafe had watched the movie, Leyla in the US. It was a dramatic movie from Iran. Basically, the girl was not wanted by the men's family, but men was fighting very hard to keep her. What was wrong with her? She was infertile (like, not able to give birth). And, as you know, in Middle Eastern culture, children is very important, so the family was insisting him to divorce Leyla.

At the end, they had to divorce, well, he got married with another lady for the sole reason of having a baby. That's it. But, the love was gone after Leyla was left alone.

Each second in the movie, I reflected the scenario to myself. Even if it was not relative to me, I tried to find similarities.

Thank God, that Zair is not infertile, as far as I know. And, if she is infertile, would Cafe marry her? I deeply think yes. Allah has the final word, so we can always pray for a healthy baby when we got married. Allah knows how much Cafe wants to become Cafe Zair.

About the family opposition, well, yes, Cafe Familia was a little bit hesitant about Zair, when Zair Familia was more than welcoming. Now, it is vice versa. All Cafe clan is waiting for Zair, when Zair is hiding behind the bushes, and waiting for the next train to jump on and run away from Cafe clan. I hope that train will never come, or when it comes Zair will re-think about her importance.

P.S: Zair doesn't mean Poison, sorry. By the way, it is Zahir, but I will not change the word Zair in our story.
Zahir means a person who can love another person more than himself/herself. Even can love without feeling the warmth of the other. I guess, this totally describes pre-Zair period and post-Cafe period now. I hope this period will end soon and become Cafe Zair period, BECAUSE WE DO NOT DESERVE JUST PAIN...

I guess, I will read the Paulo Coelho's book Zahir soon...

Relationship consultation management

2008-09-23T16:32:00.002-04:00

I began to feel like a relationship consultant.
Or, the counselor of relations between Baku and Istanbul.

Due to high demand from Zair, Cafe needs to announce that there has been one unlucky incident during the phase of our relationship establishment. For some reason, men tend to forget about their guilty moments, indeed women never forgets.

It was the beginning of the relationship as Cafe says. Very pure, and as naive as possible. Like wishing for the shooting stars to kiss her lips. Something like that..
When the shooting star is replaced with the meteor, the conditions are different.
I believe the jealous eyes of the community feeling lots of empathy (opposite of sympathy) towards Zair Cafe. Yes, it was Zair Cafe during that time, since Zair amazed the Cafe with her smart beauty. In fact, now Cafe is trying to keep the ropes to ride their horses together for the future. And, now it is in process to be called Cafe Zair. Anyways, meteor was coming to the enthusiasm of this wonderful relationship. It was like a husband and wife in high school, where people were experiencing immature relations, whereas Zair Cafe seemed like the master of relations, as if being married for many years.
Long story short, Zair touched Cafe's senses at one time, I don't remember what was it about specifically, but Zair was always playing under the belly (like boxing). Shouting words that anyone should always be cautious of..
Cafe hit Zair, unfortunately. It was a result of lots of attention being drawn upon their relation, possibly.

I would like to copy Zair's most recent testimonial here. So, she can understand how much Cafe wants to be Cafe Zair from now on. Whatever needed to be proven will be proven to let her understand this quantum physics relation between Ying and Yang, or Cafe and Zair, or simply the foolishness of amor.

"then u call urself man...when u cant accpet that u are a s*** by hitting woman.///u are afraid to tell that....everything u write there (this blog) is faek...cauz u hide the truth"

"from site, we can see that she is a crazy lady that refuses the purest and sweetest love, but u are afrasid to give reasons, to show the real reasons....cauz if you show them alll beauty of ur site will disappear and you will shown like a heyvan (animal) that hits woman, and is not able to protect her"

I hope these two quotes were satisfactory enough for her own Ego.

I don't drink Coca Cola Zero, but I have Zero EGO. I don't mind to share the truth, as long as it is been described fairly.

Be fair to me, I be there waiting for you forever.

All these years, I try to configure my mind to live without her, Cafe says.
Now, this blog is an escape point for all those hidden, depressed thoughts being frozen for an unknown expiration date.

I let them expire now. Everybody can begin to eat these thoughts, chew it slowly, because it was frozen. I feel like a gum she is chewing. Chewing, and chewing, but just cannot spit it out. I wish to get lost in her stomach, to go through her throat. But, hey fella', wait a minute, there is no access to hollywood, and I don't want to be a movie star by embracing the world of hatred being well-preserved in her. Let is snow, let it snow until this Christmas. On New Years Eve, I will celebrate my patience's virtue, finally. When the world began to speak what is the level of amor in this reaction of relation.

Merry Christmas, or Marry Me. Your choice Ms. Zair.

P.S: There is nothing philosophical about this post, as I went through the whole piece once again. It is pure amateur literature, that's it. For those of you who can celebrate this post, enjoy it. For those throwing stones at it, be careful, "Baby is inside".

Here we go again...

2008-09-23T13:45:00.003-04:00

I wonder what type of affair is my desire classified.

I also wonder what I am being accused of...

Seeing another girl in my dream, and sharing this with my woman. And, this woman thinks I won't be able to marry her, instead I will marry the girl appeared in my dream like a commercial.

I have been watching this documentary, or even better to say, drama, or maybe soap opera since 2004. I am not quite a fan of this. But, I am addicted. No smoking, no drinking, but addicted to this woman, even if she is not around. Yes, addicted. Like a spray of perfume on my clothing, the smell lasts forever. Like a tasty dish of olive oil dolma, her taste is eternal. Even though she thinks Cafe is boring, Zair will marry Cafe, and I am hoping to open another branch of Cafe Alaturca, named Cafe Zair.

Inshallah...

Anger Management

2008-09-23T11:19:00.001-04:00

For a while, my posts could be like tomatoes smashing the window of her car. Easily, those tomatoes will become daisies, lilies, and then small bees, to make some honey inshallah.

I hate you I miss you Don't you dare?

2008-09-23T11:14:00.003-04:00

Yes, now this blog has a new etiquette.
She calls it "phylisophical writings on site"

I leave the argument to the public, if this blog is anywhere close to being Philosophical?

I try to keep this blog in the boundaries of literature.

A person from the heart of Azeri literature is denying this, and I am a little bit confused.

As I hear from her, she says;

" i deny to keep any conversation with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yes, world is watching us. And, I hope to boost the visitor numbers to this blog. Maybe, we can all get together and walk to this Zair's house, and demonstrate how much I desire her.

Yes, world, listen to me. The best thing you can do would be to write on this blog. Maybe, she will hear you, since she denies to hear from me.

I will follow my heart, as I did since the beginning. We shall see if she deserves this heart, or not.
Nothing more I can do.

Cut Flowers Trashed Flowers

2008-09-23T10:40:00.001-04:00

Have you ever had that feeling? Buying the flowers for your girl friend. Next day, all flowers are in the trash can. Yes, that is pretty much heart breaking. Still, I desire this girl. And yes, I don't smoke, but my mind should be quite fuzzy to continue to chase this beauty.

Small Statistics Figure from Today's Game

2008-09-23T09:48:00.002-04:00

Yes, in fact it is a game. I hope. Really.
23 emails from Zair
and
40 emails from Cafe

NO COMMENT...God knows how much I waited for her. Though, even I would send 4,000,000 emails, what would happen? Nada? Mucho?
Basically, mi amor, but then...
Well, world continues to rotate around, the stars are watching us, something gotta happen...

Zair Letter 2004

2008-09-23T08:38:00.001-04:00

Yes, indeed she emailed me finally. We talked for a few hours. When I say talk, don't think phone, or chat. Email. Only email. That's the best I can get. Here is her requested poem to be published here. What is next? I dunno! But, I still believe, as the Mariah Carey's song says. I still believe....

Zair's Letter 2004 Version (I wish to see the 2008 version, really soon)

Please tell me what the **** is going on?
And where takes me the path that i go on?

why cant i see no light on my life path,
And why there is no one walking with me on my path

And when where is someone who is walking by my side
Why disappears he after little while?

To where is taking me this long and full of darkness road
and why cant walk i bravely by my own?

why do i fall down after all the lucky steps i made
and why cant stand i straightly on my way?

Why cant i stand up strongly , bravely on my feet?
What have i done that life just bits me : bit after very bit?

Who will just show me light on my life-path?
Who will just save me from all the storm?
And lightening? and winds and rains?
That come i frequently accross my every day?

What is my life?
Where does the meaning of life hides?

Why is today not like my yestarday?
Whya aint i happy just as yestarday?

where are the peole that i saw the day before?
why do i stand now here so alone?

who knows the answers to my questions now i ask?
If even i cant find the answers till up now"

Bubble Burst

2008-09-23T08:29:00.002-04:00

Yes, finally the bubble burst, and it was full of chemicals, petroleum from Caspian Sea reserves. I was not expecting caviar, but also not assuming that it will be crude oil. It is not cruel, though. I heard people wash themselves with petrol in Baku. That's healthy, and I am not going to explain the details here, I am already blown out into pieces with the particulates included in the petrol. She didn't use any lighter, thanks. Otherwise, I would not be here saying hello to the world.

For all these years, I desired someone, and the desires become a sort of cruelty. I will write more since I will have all these days until I meet the family very soon. Nothing shall stay here. I waited for a long time, why do I need to hide my feelings from the world. I would appreciate if any one of you visitors, strangers could support me on my journey to save her heart. She is the Zair, which can be translated into Poison in English. I keep asking myself what is the loyalty between Zair and Ashk (Amor). When did this happen, ok, I know when. But, why this keeps happening? There should be a way to win this game, indeed if this is a game. If Zair is fooling Cafe, then Cafe Alaturca will become Cafe Zair :(

Rumours

2008-09-20T07:55:00.002-04:00

Today, I heard your country's name again in the office.

I feel like I am running, running on the beach, and there is boat sailing away. Well, then shall run on the water, which means swim :)

and, are you in that boat that is sailing away..

WHY ARE WE MAKING THIS LIFE SOOOOO COMPLICATED?

Simply ask this to yourself.

I do that very often, I highly recommend.

Today

2008-09-19T04:39:00.005-04:00

Our company is sending some sample kits to your country. They mentioned the name of your city and country. I think I am losing my mind, or my patience. I can't resist anymore. I am into daydreaming mode as soon as I hear your name, your city's name, or your country's name.

I hope this dilemma will be resolved within a couple of weeks. Maybe by the time your sister gives a birth, it will a new birth for us as well.

The day beginning to wait for the sun dawn

2008-09-19T04:39:00.002-04:00

For a moment, I thought I won't be able to fit these many words in the title.
For a moment, I thought that I won't be able to fit your loss in my world.
But, each sun dawn means a new beginning for me. I am not saying sun rise.
The end of the day means that one more day passes, so less number of days are left behind.

My day is boring, in fact it gets exciting after 2-3pm.
I wish I can daydream, indeed I dreamed for you again.

Dream shall come true, if we see the dreams on a regular basis.

I think about you, and I want to see you, and communicate with you, because these blog posts cannot continue any further. Life is getting boring every single day, at the same time the daily rush is sweeping us around.

Warm and toasted regards from me to mi amor.

Smooth Jazz

2008-09-18T06:18:00.002-04:00

My life plays jazz
Would you hear me or, just listen to me..
Why don't you even send me a message in these difficult days.
What do you expect me to do.
I have been delaying the letter from my mama since we have short amount of time to talk in these days.
I am getting very angry at this situation. I feel like I am bargaining for my future. Only, nobody is asking me the price, because I am bargaining for you for no price, you are priceless, indeed. I am not willing to loose you.
Too many thoughts that can be developed and create wealth for us, if we become one. But, but...But, I don't understand why you are staying away, so far away....
I still question, what does it mean when you say, "I won't be able to be your wife"
Por Que? mi Amor, por que?????

I won't be able to be your wife

2008-09-17T03:09:00.002-04:00

I would prefer to hear from you, "I don't love you anymore."
What does it mean?
"I won't be able to be your wife."

Who is restricting you, what happened to you?

I will continue to compete (not fight) for my future, my kids.
I am not going to lose you.

If you won't be able to be my wife, I won't be able to survive.

I hope you will come to this blog and listen to me, since I cannot contact you, not allowed to. I promised and I keep my promise.

Keep Waiting

2008-09-13T14:28:00.002-04:00

I did not put the DND (do not disturb) sign on my door, why don't you come.
I did not shut the door either, it is open.
And, I did not put another big sign saying "walk-ins welcome", so you are special.
What is keeping us apart?

I don't date these posts, and to be honest I didn't write for a couple of days. Didn't I think about you at all? My life is counting seconds with your name. I shout within myself, your name, your vision, your feelings. Monday will be another important date, and I really hope your family will not set more obstacles in front of us, because my family is waiting to make sure about this situation. This situation that I have been waiting to make sure for five years, cinqo anos.

Muchos gracias mi amor,
Ya tya lublu.

Mama Mia!

2008-09-11T08:02:00.002-04:00

Mi mi amor,

There is one tooth which is special. I like to circulate my tongue around that one tooth. It feels like I am circulating around you.

If I draw a picture of my wishes, could you make them come true with you, because all my wishes are in relation to you.

A couple of times the lights were off recently, both at home and at work. Did you come to my neighborhood, you are supposed to be the night, now you become a candle enlightening my world.

You were always a candle for me lighting my route to success, wisdom, health.

Mi amor,

You are prescribed to me. I cannot afford to go to the doctor to write me prescription all the time. Please let me marry you.

New Day New Post New Car

2008-09-10T02:20:00.003-04:00

Another new day, and this is a new post, but I still don't have a new car, or any car. Is it OK?

Kindly asking your favor to think for a moment. Look at the mirror. Do you see me?

Or, do you hear me when you listen to Azeri radio, or hear some Russian songs?

Many evidences left behind to track you down. I will find you honey.

Le Analytics

2008-09-09T07:27:00.002-04:00

Le amor, La amor..I don't worry about who visits my crying blog, my wall of sadness. Though, I am a little bit confused at Google ads, displaying the ad call who l,o,v,e,s you. As I said before I don't put those 4 letters together anymore, and I don't like to see this type of cheesy ads on my blog, anyways.

Mi amor, my back hurts, I sit in the office all day, sometimes move upstairs and downstairs to see the production. Not much is happening. I take a look at your picture sometimes, and try to keep my faith.

Ohh, I was about to forget this.

Mi amor, after the night breakfast to begin fasting, I went to sleep for 2 hours, then go work, you know.
During this sleep, I lost you, another girl appeared in my dream. She was not even comparable to you, but a little bir mystic, natural girl. Supposedly, I am being drawn (not forced) to marry her. I am asking myself in the dream, what's happening, what happened to mi amor. It was a scary dream. I guess, it was a test for me. As if I can cheat on you. No way. Aaaaa mi amor, I have lots of stories to talk about, for hours, but I still don't know what I will do in your city, country, your motherland. I have no clue what sort of business I will be doing there. I am not happy here as well, but it has been only 1 month, and I am still considered as a person knows not much about the products we produce. So, I research, read, and learn. In the meantime, I look at the only picture I have left from you. And, look at the situation that in that picture you are looking at the camera behind the bars (of the building door). If I don't seek for irony beneath this picture, what else shall I do.
Mi amor,
I am waiting, I keep my patience, inshallah we will soon be together. Allah loves people who are patient. That's ok mi amor. Remember, I told you in the beginning find an occupation. Just occupy yourself in the meantime, we will grow up, and we will prove our youth love as an adult decision to live together from now on.
No gimmicks anymore, believe me. Cannot handle those songs anymore, fooling us. Our goal is the same. I will be waiting for you at the climax point of Himalayas. We will take a picture there together, without any bars.
Don't forget to bring chocolate bar, we will need energy to come down the mountains, together. Yes, together, what a nice word to pronounce. I think I will repeat this word to myself everytime I look at your picture. Together mi amor, together. My new spanish word is:
Puedo ir contigo? (Can I come with you?)
Di me mi amor,
Di me Si.
Si, senorita.
Si, senor.

Visitors

2008-09-08T07:57:00.002-04:00

I visit my blog again, it is about 3pm, I am very tired, been browsing the web for distributors, very tiring but fruitful research. I just can't imagine the world with you. Finally, finally, finally. It would not be exactly the same as we were together 5 years ago. Now, we are a little bit mature, but still should know the value of our youthful days. Once the kids begin to mingle, we would enter the stage of adultery I guess. Looking forward to hear from you. I am running forward to you. I hope this time Allah will accept our excuses to make our parents sorry. Rough times should be over. Gotta be over. Dear Amor, I don't call L-o-V-e anymore, then Google Ads display weird ad campaigns related to l,o,v,e.

Mi Amor,
That's about mi amor. Lots of dulce from Istanbul. Offffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff Oooooooooffffffff

MY Fashion Week

2008-09-08T01:40:00.002-04:00

Not NY Fashion Week, but MY Fashion Week. Lots of stories, lots of enthusiasm, excitement, and questions. Mamas may meet this week, or next week. Inshallah there will be good news happening. My hands are shaking since I am like you, don't know what will happen in the coming future. I wish I know my game plan, but this time, I am out of bounds. Please, don't throw me back to the field, I am watching right now, let me be, let me see, let me come.
Looking forward to hear from you soon,
Kind regards,
Cafe del Turca ala Turca

Mi Casa, Tu Casa, El Paso

2008-09-06T15:56:00.003-04:00

Dear Love,

Look at your hand. five beautiful fingers. All of them ending up in your sweet heart.
Look at your other hand. Another five beautiful finger, all ending up in your warm heart.
Now, look at your feet. Five beautiful toes, all ending up in your delicious heart.
And, last, but not least, look at your other five melodic toes, all finding their way to your mellow heart.

Darling,
There is at least 20 reasons how much I feel you, miss you. Please imagine one reason, and follow the route to your heart. You will find me there, and I will tell you the secret.
Since it is online, not a secret anymore. OK, then, world hear my voice.

Would you marry me?