Sunday 17

Last year,due to earthquake many lives were lost in the early morning of this date. May Allah avoid such disasters, and I hope human mind will be able to track the earthquakes more precisely.

A quake in my heart is getting bigger and bigger.First let me share the disclaimer that this story may or may not be true. The only aim behind sharing this story (used to in poem format,now revitalized, and became a story), is to award it for a movie scenario.

Yesterday,calling her mama to say mubarek kandil (one of the religious date in Muslim calendar) was a bless for me. As I was about to hang up the phone since there is not much to talk between us, I happen to say I did not give up (to chase their girl). She then wondered again how. Since I was competing with her mama to have her daughter.She wants to keep her only child within the borders of her city. I want to bring her to my country. There is only 2-hours flight distance between the point of interest. It is such a dilemma for me. I am literally bargaining to bring her daughter to my country when I get married. It is not a matter of their allowance for their child to marry me. It is a matter of environment.
I was told that when two people love each other, the world doesn't matter for them. There is also separations with love. I would not call it separation. I would call it deviance for now. I was studying calculus very passionately, and I always desire to apply maths to regular routine of life. What I like most about math was that it was applicable to music theory as well. I would not feed my passion as much as I was supposed to and desired to do. I want to combine the theory in chemistry as well. Person lives with the surrounding to compose the system. Today's system is not in good health. The economy, politics, environmental disasters, so much happening. To be honest, it is not like pre-historic times either. Life is getting more complex as we add more desired to the shopping basket. For me, I left my wallet at home, and only went to the mall to see her. For her, it is the same. But, when it is the same for her family as well, then there is a clash between points of interest. One girl, one mama, and one boy. Also, don't forget the boy's mama, but there is big difference between mamas now. Boy's mama also cares about her son, though on the other side, girl's mama doesn't want to give up anything. And now, there is no gap for negotiation since girl's papa was upset to mama's emotional breakdown due to boy's negotiations. The gap is closed. Boy is lost. The name of the girl has to be forgotten, but the love composing their relationship for 5 years has to be alive. The boy is at this stage the story teller..

I cannot call you sweetheart..
I cannot call you my melon
You cannot call me bittersweet
You cannot call me pepper

We are not living at two opposite sides of the world
We are just unlucky to meet each other.
We love each other so much
Why do we need to stay apart
This was actually a lyrics of a song
But this song is us, the lyrics shouldn't matter thus

What I am thinking is to forget your name, and preserve your love in the freezer. I will treat you as ice. Whenever I hit myself, I took the ice, put on my skin, then immediately put you back in the freezer. I cannot handle the pain, as long as there is a reliever. I always sacrificed my heart to fight for you. Now I am lost, how you are capable of changing your family's decision. It is too tough to continue on my own, just have my goals in my mind to marry you. Like an ottoman soldier, fighting on the front. Keeping my beliefs, my desires..Just unsure if you will be forced to marry another men in the near future. If there is train coming to your city, I would definitely take it every weekend to see if you are still healthy. If I were a girl, I would not survive in this case. Don't say that I am a man, I can handle this. I don't believe me, I don't. There is no appetite, no aim to check what's right, what's wrong. I am losing my mind. There is humidity in the air, and the wind direction is blowing to your direction. Now, I will begin to lose some weight. So, the wind could take me to you.

Like we watched the movie Nemo, the birds were shouting me, me, me when they see a fish on the deck. During the day, many flourishing thoughts are arising in my mind. But, I am not sitting in front of the computer all the time. Please don't expect me to do that. I shall practice more to see if I can run to you. I told you, there is no train coming to you. The plane take too short time to deserve coming at you. The bus is not safe, I don't like long drives with the bus. Plus, there is not much leg-space in the seats.

Please bare with me. I hope you will remember my blog's name, and read these messages. I want to kindly ask you to wait a few months. I will make a final decision until your birthday. The poll will close in the blog. And, the 200 something days seems to far, but in fact, it is not far. No, it is too soon, and I shall be quick. I will be quick honey, just on my way. Is the dinner ready, how are the kids? Would you marry me, where would you like to go for honeymoon. If I take you to the moon, can I sing the song by Frank Sinatre, fly me to the moon. No, moon is too far, and we lost too much time to see each other. I shall take the train, and they are building the route nowadays, maybe I will some as soon as they finish the construction. Take care honey, now the olympics athletics began. I shall watch it, and get inspired. I shall be inspiring as well. Ok wait, please listen to me. "You know. You know it. Don't forget it."

16 August or 16 Days Left, Do I Have a Reason?

Should not I wonder
or become curious

Shall I wait
I prefer to walk-in
rather than make an appointment

Really wanted to make this relation
this passion
a reason
for being arisen
from my sleep

Eyes gotta be open
to avoid sleeping
when my eyes are open
why do I still feel like asleep

I don't see you
Or you don't look at me

I tried to check the mirror
It should be reflecting your beauty
In fact, I can't even see myself
Don't you listen to me

I can't see you
You don't look at me


Following your smell
would take me where
I am not fool, or narcotic
I won't talk ironic
Still passionate about rhymes you see
Is it a coincidence,
or is it just me

Just me and you
how would you describe this world
I wanted to build a house
Try very hard to keep the basement strong
I don't want skyscrapers
I won't like high towers
I just want you
Even though I can't see you
Worst thing would be have people hide you
Then, there is no luck
No inspiration
Nothing, nada, vamos

Did you know I even wrote a love letter in Spanish
My teacher told me if a person can speak a language to argue and to express his/her emotions, then this is good for mastering the language.

I wanna make this Turkish now, because I am end of the road now, all obstacles seem to be coming towards me. I am getting very angry. Not that type anger towards someone. Just self-anger. See, now I look at the mirror and see my anger, being reflected back to me. Whenever you are not, anger, lust, sadness is there. But, why?

I don't have a reason to count down the days, if I don't know the destination. Believe it or not, today I was searching for shipping companies. One of them put a quote on their website. If you don't know where you are going, then there is no importance of the place where you reached. (by Peter F. Drucker)

I know I am coming to you, and the place I will reach is very important. It is you. It will be your destination now. I will keep waiting to have you host in my destination. From the beginning, to the end of this post, many things changed. Yes, I gave up on rhymes. I just wanna keep writing now. I am not a poet, but may begin to write scenario, or even an e-Book. Stories, inspirations, and aspirations which doesn't sound right, sounds like aspirin (the medicine). I already know that I have been prescribed a medicine called your name. I just can't get your name, and leave you unknown right. You have five letters in your name. At least give me one letter. We already share one letter, it is E. Well, it is a good start, but I have three letters, you have 5, we need to balance it. I want your A. It is the not the first letter in your name, but it is the first letter in the alphabet. I wish our life will be an alphabet, each we celebrate one letter. I just want to begin to do that now. Your birthday will happen at the of the online poll I put on this blog. I hope this letters will be evolving, and at the end, I will see how much I can survive without you. Too many things to says, but they are not things, they are gems, very precious stones. No, wait, they are not stones to throw at you. They are stones to protect you from harm. Take them. Take them. Take them. I will be hiding beneath them.

Erasing the time

No need to hide behind a chaos of metaphors
I shall prefer to watch figure skating
then to speak figurative language
I dont like to make short-cut
to be honest with you,
I need to take the other way
As Duke Ellington said
Take the L train
I dont mind taking the Z train
as long as it is taking me to you
I wish I can at least talk to you
Now I am talking to the world
Maybe a song-writer will hear me
and credit me for a few verses on my posts
I dont money,
Just to make your love famous
and inspire other
as the world is going the shake-your-booty direction
there is no misconception
maybe some misconsumption
dont wanna say the four letter word
beginning with L, ending with you
in fact, it is ending with E
but it remind me the E of the beginning of the End
So, I prefer you
but how can I say I love you,
I cant fit it is a four letter word
Lets make this Kiss
but K reminds me the radio stations in the US
all commercials, indeed I just wanna listen to you
I dont need others gossip about us
I dont mind others eyes looking at us
met in the US
was a bless for us
God Bless USA for embracing international students
Really thanks to them for creating such a nice place like VVS.
See the memories are flowing
Time is running
I dont mind
I had a few seconds to shout at the world
why is it turning around
if I dont,cant, but must talk to you
u r already 2 hrs ahead of me
if I catch u in Baku
would u hear me
Did u realize how this blog is evolving
from ambitious cafe posts, to random news
now on a mission
to have the world
say a few words about u
u did not leave
but the obstacles are family
they do appreciate us
but cannot sacrifice to send one of us to anothers house
today is august 14, and I just began to write for us
I did not use the L word, but keep speaking about "us"
Is there us, or is there me.
Yes, now it is me
I just need to look at the mirror
I see your face
but dont talk to me
I dont hear u
Mirrors dont speak?
Illusion or not
I thank God
creating u so similar to me
I dont need to run
maybe take the bus
only 44hrs to reach the shores of Caspian
the air is different, life is different there
isnt it too difficult to leave some addictions behind
this is not an addiction, I am waiting to move on
just waiting for the right weather
as the nomads keep traveling
english tea twinings
a name to remember
a couple of brands
that keeps u unforgottable in my mind
welcome to the losers place
I didnt lose u though
I just lost a good portion of my life without u
maybe 10 years from now, we will read this blog together
maybe some readers will be inspired, and write a few comments
u see the opportunities
u see the oasis
or is it just water
it is pure life
pure love
pure insanity
never lost my mind
just leaving the production relax
so it keeps producing a resolution
for us to come together..