Inbounds

If I am the only ball in the stadium and each others families are simply playing games, and you, the Zahir, is just sitting in the lobby seat eating caviar and watching the game with a binocular to check every punches and kicks I get all over my circular body, this is not fair.

The weather is fair in Baku today, but this is not fair.

Now, she is on my background of the laptop, and I kiss the screen every once in a while. I hope the screen doesn't contain any hazardous pieces that will conquer my body entering from my lips through my heart, and then easily kill my love, my love to hold on to this stressful life playing soap opera type games, unlike the ongoing match in the stadium.

Same feeling fills the blanks in my mind as I look back at the picturesque buildings going with the ferry crossing Bosphorus. But, I see the sunshine when I look at the front, it was early Wednesday, just coming back from a drop-off to airport.

Making 140km with the car, is fine, but when I reach to 160km, it gets windy, and I hardly handle. I have to watch my front, because any mistake turn will heavily move the car to any side. I also keep my rear mirror and check back, if there is any other fast car following me and or trying to pass me. I am not stubborn to keep the left lane busy, or be the king of this particular lane waving all the cars on my right. Though, I am stubborn to be the king and try to make her my queen, because she long deserved it, and there is no equivalent king around her that will make her queen. Let's make it prince and the princess, because this title is more adorable for such a beauty. Queen may make her look old.

I have to print her photo right away, because I cannot continue to kiss the screen. I keep her present of traditional Azeri beads under my pillow every night to dominate my dreams with her interference, and last night she was holding my hands again, even more stronger. I wonder what Jannah and Omar will think of this, when they sit on my laps and do not have any idea what obstacles were put in front of their big Hello to this cosmic land, so called "The Earth"

I wish they also take a photo from the space and see which lovers are the most passionate towards each other, and I wonder if they will be able to see the thermal heat transfer between them. From Istanbul to Baku, if it is quite a distance, and I believe the heat will be still red enough to be seen clearly from the outer space. The long distance may uniformly distribute it, so the redness may lose some hue or saturation, but as I said, I feed it every second, but kissing her photo, or falling into dreams at night, or just seeing her anywhere I look. She was reflected on the tap in the morning. I had a very bad face in the morning, just woke up from a long sleep, due to a tiring 2-day work. But, the tap was smiling to me, ready to wash my face, and prepare me for another unexpected and full-of-not-enough-time work day. There is no office hours for me, just like there is no love moments for me for now. I create these moments on my own, send short RSS feeds to her heart without receiving any wavelengths from the Western shores of the Caspian sea. I feel the readiness of the dish we will eat together, but I am very cautious not to forget any spices and drinks. My no-dessert fight still continues, though my arms are quite weak always typing but not throwing any balls to the hoop and practice. I go out, I promise, and I will shoot the ball 1,000 times every morning. For the first few days, my arms will sore, but they should be ready to carry your heavily filled heart from any distance. My mind and heart are all ready, just physically I guess, the arms should be more muscular in order to carry your heart, as I say..

Your heart which was subject to many breaks, some due to my fallacies, some due to cosmic failures, and some just happened for no reason maybe. But believe me, I also had breaks and maybe for manhood reasons, these breaks are now strongly reconstructed like a gas pedal. We shall move on, Jannah and Omar are waiting impatiently. I have a small car for now, but as I said, it could go 160km and more.

I am pressing the gas pedal, and I have my seatbelt on, don't worry.

I am coming, don't worry, but please keep your arms open.

I open my arms wide and they are on the last stage to be sufficiently muscular.

I am driving 160km and more..

Please let us drive smoothly from now on...

RSS Feeds To Her Heart

I just want to send instant RSS feeds to her heart, no matter what time.

Dreaming?

Hello, I was just on my way, still I catch you in your dreams :)

Working?

Hello, I just wanted to check if you need tea, coffee, something?

Cooking?

Hello, I just wanna watch you cooking, I am not hungry, really.

Walking?

Hello, I just want to..well, just want to be your shadow, for now.

Missing?

Hello, I am missing, too. Could we try to click the search button one last time?

Fajr

The fasting time of Ramadan is approaching, and summer is yet to begin its high temperatures very soon.

Something very important. It was like a warning.

I heard from my friend, "Don't forget Fajr".

It was true that I was very inclined to follow every fajr, at least decided to follow after one try, and most of the time that try was a result of a sleepless night.

It is never easy to wake up so early and do your prayer. And, it is never easy to love a girl who is all surrounded with pessimistic clouds washing her brain every second. It is not as bad as acid rain, and I am getting very anxious because each day there is some sort of news, or a story I hear about her beautiful country, and I keep fasting and let myself clear from any type of dessert, only fruits are allowed, since the real dessert is her eyes.

Eating 4 baklava equals to a sneak peak to her eyes.
Eating 1/2 kg of baklava equals to watching her a few miles away from her.
Eating 1kg of baklava equals to staring her.
And so on...

I don't want to eat baklava.

I want to invite us into the kitchen of the most famous baklava house in Turkey and just begin to produce together. We are only allowed to consume the time ahead of us, quite economically. We already crossed out the things that do not appeal to us, like shouting, or arguing for very small details like mini skirt, etc. As I look back, it was very childish, whereas there is a very bright life beyond that..

Here is the call of the prayer, and it is 8.32pm in the city of Istanbul. What a beauty we are all donated to have a full variety of beautiful voices of imams calling the athan from each minaret. Even for a person hesitant for prayers, it is a celebration to stop for a moment and think once again that we will finally say goodbye to this world. For some of us, it is just a plain craziness, some greed with some joy. All I could verify is to keep each string tight enough not to let anybody down. Seconds are passing, and I have a few shopping bags to fill before we arrange the final countdown.

I love her and I love everyone who is around her, and I just don't understand why there is no single volunteer around her encouraging her to say a few words about us, that's plain pain

I am done with listening to this music. I want action, and I want this Bosphoruse canal to merge and make the European side join the Asian side. I don't want those big container ships to pass by anymore. They are dangerous for our relationship. Those big "uncertainities"

I can favor a mysterious faced girl on Fashion TV, but in the next couple of seconds, I will forget her name. Same story with anybody I would come across in this life. Just a short breeze in the air, whereas I continue to cry her name at least ten times in every hour or so. Still, it is not enough.

This sunday was a terrible day. Horrible moments without any single branch to hold on. Forced myself to sleep, and finally I had a chance to find her, and thanks to Allah that she was holding my hand, but not yet looking at my face.

Then I remember holding her pursue at the ATM. That was an eternal moment. That was a simple declaration of our togetherness, behaving naturally like we are one person, and we understand each other.

There is just too many options in the market, and why I don't hesitate to continue to fight.

Is it love?

Is it obsession?

....

It is life.

There is just one earthy life happening now, and almost 24 years past without the flame.
As they do in pre-historic times, we tried to create the flame together, but the rush of 21st century washed us over and all the dilemmas, bias, misunderstanding took us way back.

Now, I don't even accept the match, or a lighter.

I am already like a volcano, and I say no to those who will try to take us apart. It was a challenge, and each game has a life cycle. It could be 90 minutes in a soccer match, or 40 minutes for a basketball match.

It has been 24 years and it is getting late. If there is one life to live and share, it is all yours, my Zahir. Whatever you like, however you feel.

Everything seems meaningful when it is shared. Today, I don't eat the dessert, tomorrow I may not eat anything other than soup. And, soon, I may just drink water. Last, I may just shut my mouth. And, then?

Simple goodbye to the earthy passions and desires...

If there is time to fight, I was aware of this time period since the biggest departure four years ago. Each minute, I tried to progress, rather than sitting in one office and follow the guidance of the manager and stay at the same exact point of business all my life.

I progress, I am having a progressive love.

It is plain pleasure to meet you in my dreams for now, and then I will wake up very early in the morning with the responsibility to fulfill the day with everything needed to be accomplished in order to progress one more step towards getting you.

Yes, it is getting you. Becuase, I want you, and anybody witnessing these words are aware of the volcano.

Please don't let it sit so long, 'cos I want to give us a birth before the day of my birth.