How much I can write in 20 minutes?

I know how much I can long for you for another 20 years, but I guess life is not all about experiencing the loss of a loved one. One business day already past, and I don't think she would skip to read my message on facebook. Technology is so up high in the sky, I could even check if there was any entry from her country to this blog. But, my desire is moving on the other direction. It is not about selling something to a client. I am not putting up my desire on sale, and sending her an invitation. This is pure cocoa. Just use a little, but some hot milk, and you are on your way to ....

Now, I have been listening to this song very frequently nowadays, and I really wish to understand the lyrics. There is saxophone which resembles my past hobby. It is still my passion, but just not able to find time/place to ornament it. I miss her, well I mean playing it to her. For sure, she was hearing me echoing in the middle of Arizona desert. It was good times, and I am still lost if those times will be back. I don't see any obstacles. I never did. She created a few of them, I just couldn't handle, and for some reason, it immediately broke down, the strings between us. It used to be ropes, the thick one used in the navy, or fish net, you know, very tight, impossible to escape. We were ready to be caught by each other's net. I don't understand, I just wanna know, just like the lyrics of the song, I want to hear from her, saying that she is married, thinking about children, all happy and her way to the future is bright. OK, I am happy, well, of course bearing a lot of dilemma and struggle with ignorant foolish guilty feelings. I should be able to cleanse the skin, just make another look at the mirror, and accept the reality.
It is just coming. The name of her country appearing in front of me every other day. Last night, I was watching some history about Ottoman Empire, and guess what, the roots of the empire comes from the land of Fuzuli. What a person? I need more time to understand him. Maybe, I shall take some more time to read further, and just discover. The feeling will come forward, and all of them will be plainly reflected here to avoid others to fall into the same trap I put myself into, it is full of shit. Yes, indeed. It is a pain, while building one side of the wall, and seeing the other side collapsing. Why, or how? No matter. It happened, and I am VERY curious what's up with her since last September. It is going to be almost 6 months, and in 3 months I need to give a birth to my refreshed love. It is emergency, and I need to clarify, I just need to, because this is soooooo irritating while bearing the ultimate purity of this feeling, this feeling of loss and more curiosity.

T9 - Oda Nashei Lyubvi (Vdoh-Vydoh)

Have a break now, just watch it, don't continue to read unless you fully watched it. I have no idea what he is talking about, but I can feel it. She is beautiful, but not to be compared with my treasure hidden somewhere across the border. I want my VISA to be valid. I want my passport back, and I want to gain back my identity. I don't need to convince her with the purity of this emotions. They are baked all day long. I repeat her name everyday, since she's gone. It was inside, somewhere maturing. Now, I feel it in my ears, in my nose, in my mouth. I want to cry out her name as I used to do while I was running on the riverside of Philly. It was beautiful there, and I always imagine to visit the city with her. The city of brotherly love. 8 minutes left, and soon I will watch the movie over and over again and just realize the reality furthermore. Now, I am obsessed with this song, with the video, with the reflection of her accent. It is very difficult to forget, because there was just so many quality language between us. She had a good mind, sometimes failing to operate my thoughts but still logical enough to conclude all talks with sweet melody. It should be fine, of course. Maybe she already had the sign "Just Married" on their car's title. It is OK, but I am just curious, and as long as this level of core thoughts doesn't burn each other, let's just make this fair enough, and award me with one sentence, or with a poem, just like the ones she wrote when I was in the US. It is such a lack of dignity to bury all those memories somewhere very far from here, from her country, way west. Maybe some people found it already and read, and just realize how much we belong to each other. I shall continue to fight until I see her face coding the reality. I don't trust internet anymore. I rely on this new technology, but it failed me so far. There is nothing like whispering to her ears, or watching her eyes talk. Or, just waiting for the next shooting star together, or counting the number of airplanes flying over us, and thinking when we will go back home and build our future TOGETHER?

Yes, it is time TO GET HER!