Expect the unexpected, follow the lovers lost in this blog.

A blog to cater your mind,body,and soul as you drink Turkish Coffee. We are proud to present our new storyline called Cafe's search for his "Zahir". Everyday is a new day for the "Cafe" (from Istanbul) & his journey for "Zahir" (from Baku). Don't expect extraordinary drama from the narrator, me. Still, this is a drama (maybe real!), and have better impact on you than watching a soap opera. Guaranteed. There is genuine feelings within inspirational periods. Cross your fingers for this story to end with happy marriage :-) All rights are reserved.

EDIT (01 July 2009) - She is engaged with another man, and I finally made my marriage proposal bringing my family to Baku. The result: She stays engaged and will have her wedding, so called "toy", with that another man.

Rest in peace Ms. Zahir.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Lose it, chase it, too late to say goodbye

This time it will begin slow, unlike a rush-hour schedule. They say it mostly happens in the movies, will never bother to repeat the lyrics of a song like "you belong to me, I belong to me, la la la..." It is something else, and the sound of the keyword does not even bother me, because I take a deep breath and just move on to the next L train, but wait, not a good idea to leave my current spot, she may be coming, although we did not talk to meet, and if we meet, it will not be a date, and if it is not a date, we are no longer "flirting" As I look back and evaluate it, thus I conclude that I was like a rock hitting the all time low, and the most challenging yet irritating feeling is seeing the results of her projections about future which is the present now. I'd hate to accept the consequences, but it is very true, and I shall pray for her happiness once again to cleanse, tone, moisturize, protect, and maybe double cleanse myself to disable refreshing the old memories. The rec button doesn't work anymore, since it was very exhausted by recording the past years, and the technicians left the company, so there is nobody to take care of my camcorder. If she is alive and reading this single sentences mistakenly stuck between the paragraphs of this report, I lost her whom I chased for a very long time, and now I am sure, we both witness the same results, and if it is considered as sharing, then we receive full credit for it, because this is beyond sharing, it is feeling, it is living, and it is dying after each minute. The idea of getting more isolated to understand what really happened makes a lot of sense now, as I need to clarify each single breath I take and make sure it is not consuming any shared oxygen between us. Each module I embedded in my casual life is creating mixed feelings and many of them await for a quick proposal and many of them requires a good amount of patience. They don't know I am already evolving through her passage of light covering all sorts of feelings, beginning with lust where I am lost. A person of wisdom will come down and test my sincerity and now I know it is possible to keep this locked for a few more days when I will end up there to see her occasionally and of course unexpectedly, but I will follow some clues to satisfy my desire to try. Maybe I couldn't be a good captain of our boat when there was a lot of wind, and we had a choice to replace it with a yacht, but we keep the boat as I am too stubborn and she was too stubborn, so we found each other, though it is a known fact that opposite sides are supposed to pull each other. Reading is important to develop further phrases with shortened laces which will still qualify to make a know and keep us within the same boundaries. Indeed, anything happens between each other's countries seems to be a sum of our reflection of each other, as we look at the mirror and continue to see the one. I'd accept to lose her, then why am I repeating her name all the time, her name is just hidden under my tongue and if I shout out her name, I know she will not knock on my door, or ring my cell, or write me a message, or at least, I will receive a buyer inquiry for business in her country, and so I will accept it as a sign of invitation to check what's "really" going on since I am not really sure if she is gone-gone, and so I am done-done. I told her, or myself, that it only happens in the movies, and it did in the last movie which I was hesitating to watch for a very long time, because I knew that I'd see us there and then I'd cry so bad, and I did, and I am happy, because it was authentic, genuine, real, however you want to call it, and many important subjects were clearly pointed out towards my awareness which is too weak to hold on to the inner struggle, but rarely fails to protect it which makes the whole story rewind, and there is no choice to fast forward, well maybe sometimes, we can skip it. It is true that I am thinking, yet accepting the reality, but still faithful and praying for her well-being with me living as a regular human-being.