Expect the unexpected, follow the lovers lost in this blog.

A blog to cater your mind,body,and soul as you drink Turkish Coffee. We are proud to present our new storyline called Cafe's search for his "Zahir". Everyday is a new day for the "Cafe" (from Istanbul) & his journey for "Zahir" (from Baku). Don't expect extraordinary drama from the narrator, me. Still, this is a drama (maybe real!), and have better impact on you than watching a soap opera. Guaranteed. There is genuine feelings within inspirational periods. Cross your fingers for this story to end with happy marriage :-) All rights are reserved.

EDIT (01 July 2009) - She is engaged with another man, and I finally made my marriage proposal bringing my family to Baku. The result: She stays engaged and will have her wedding, so called "toy", with that another man.

Rest in peace Ms. Zahir.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Blog will be updated soon, exciting design is coming up next

After the revolutionary break-up of Zair from Cafe, as the narrator, I decided to continue this drama further. In order to have this story continue, I will be updating the page with some supportive elements. After all, it just too sorry for Zair to have such a decision.
And, after all, we are all humans, so Zair and Cafe should at least stay alive in this blog. So, we will see if they will be together again.

To have this blog work more actively, Zair will be pronounced like "She", and Cafe will be pronounced like "I"

Cafe Zair may not be available in stores, but She & I might be, who knows.
"I will be waiting for her" might even be the hit single in this debut album.

Bookmark this blog. Otherwise, what is out there to enjoy the morning coffee, or late nite drink after work.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Blog Friend

Yes, indeed. Blog became Cafe's only friend.

Cafe is the Mecnun character in the world famous story..

Cafe's phone ring before that final conversation...it seemed to be eternal...

He thinks it won't happen again, though he will live with that dream for a couple of more days, weeks, months, maybe years....

27 September 2008 6.36pm Turkish Time

Yes, she said three times, I don't love you.
What would you do in this case?
But, called again.
To say, Cafe disappeared 4 years ago, and she doesn't want Cafe to disappear again.

Cafe couldn't cry, as he heard three times about her special "love" declaration.
Cafe only thought further, who washed her brain this much that she is still obsessed with the past separation.

She is addicted with the past. Cafe is addicted to her. But, Cafe is NOT addicted to the past. He is sorry for his actions and bad behavior.

Allah will evaluate the strength in each one's life.
Cafe still loves her, and Cafe is NOT stupid enough to leave her alone.
Fight will continue.
Without any further emails...just posting on this wall.
I will I got press a button on this blog, and whenever she happens to open this blog, it will scream, Zair......Marry Me....Forgive Me......

I shall press that button, Cafe says...

Cafe says a lot of things, but some ears are deaf, what can he do?

Some hearts are dead, what can he do?

Zair and Cafe loved each other once.
As Cafe disappeared, Zair's love melted..while Cafe's love was heating up...

Now what?

Too early to decide...

Allah has a plan...Cafe is loyal, we shall see if Zair is?

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Sometimes, Somewhere over the rainbow

I am sick of typing, sometimes I want to open the window and shout outside the name of Zair. It is sometimes just TOO MUCH, while enjoying the purity and simplicity of "Zahir", feeling the love of her, whilst she is not with me....Cafe Says...

Cafe wants to say a lot of things...A LOT....

For now, my window is this blog...Allah qoysa, I will reach to her...inshallah (hopefully)...

No pain no gain is the motto in the army.
My life became a copy of army duty.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...As Frank Sinatra says..

By the way, Queen had a new album, Ms. Zair, have you heard that?
Queen + Paul Rodgers

I am putting up some links, but as you know web life is also not eternal...some links become dead link as well..I just don't want this blog to go death without you...May Allah bring you back to me...

....Cafe says,

Also, Cafe wanted to go to Ukraine with his friend, and Zair was upset. That trip never happened, and Zair likes the singer Бумбокс, and I like to listen to this singer, and his group is on tour in Ukraine, plus they are from Ukraine. What a coincidense...I believe in signs and my signs show me approaching to Zair...inshallah.....

2 Hours Passed, I already Missed Her

Yes, indeed.

Just for the sake of making her wish come true, I am unable to "bother/disturb" her.

In fact, I would talk more in depth about her last sentence, maybe I will find some parts that make me feel more guilty, so I will feel bad, sad, but not mad.

Let's revisit her last quote:
"i want you to leave me alone..let me live quetly my life without disturbing, keepin me away from any news from u"

Well, it is just too hard to talk further about this quote. She did not live any open door for Cafe to brew some more beans and serve under the carpet, as if bribing her feelings.
Wow, I like that...Bribing her feelings...very relative to today's capitalist mentality, to accomplish our lucrative goals, bribing is not a big deal. Under the carpet money...

I won't bribe her feelings, instead I will use my flying carpet to pray to Allah and bring her back to me, Cafe says.

Cafe says everything, do not misunderstand me, the narrator who is just a bridge between East and West, like Bosphorus Bridge. Speaking of this bridge, let me add the photo of Cafe reclaiming his desire, his insistence on taking her back. What a stupid life to lose your loved ones. We should be more like a human, rather than animals, or birds, or even fish.
I feel like a fish in the aquarium, making the same mistakes over and over again, and do not realize I am still in the same fish tank.

Songs that should be reflecting Cafe vs. Zair

First of all, I should clarify that Zair is not Cafe's poison, but instead medicine. So, please refer to this modification.

She recommended two songs from Бумбокс.
One of them:
Бумбокс - Вахтерам
Well, I don't know Russian either, so anyone who can translate the name of the song and the singer, would be highly appreciated.
The other song is: Бумбокс - Та4то

One day I will understand Russian, I just don't know when.

EDIT: I got more information about this singer. Check out last.fm profile.

Beginning a new day....

Hi everyone,

Cafe is proud to sponsor the 1st annual breakup-shakedown-get married awards.
What does it mean?
It means, you need to work very hard to have your girlfriend try to break-up, then you need to shake down and ask yourself what is wrong with you that this separation happens, and then you find the cure and get married finally.

Cafe is not absolutely sure in what phase of this tri-step process he is hanging around.
It is definitely, the break-up step, but maybe close to shakedown...Since Cafe is thinking each day what he has done to her...How he was unable to reply back to Zair's wishes...

The biggest lesson Cafe learned from the last two days' email conversations with Zair is that:

Ask this question to your girlfriend, to your wife...


I realized it is so important. Cafe has been planning to get out of the s*** hole he put himself in, as he was slowly losing her 4 years ago. That s*** hole was like the ones in Hopi Village. They dig a hole in the ground at the height of a regular person. All year, they use that hole for their extraction (toiletry) needs. Indeed, Cafe dig similar hole, at the quantity of four. All of them are full now, and finally he realized to ask this important question:

What do you want Zair?

All these years, it was more important to ask similar question to himself, and always motivate himself to accomplish these goals.

Of course, maybe 3 years ago, calling her and asking what do you want Zair, may be answered like, "Get outta my life!!!"
This would be pretty disturbing for Cafe trying to accomplish his goals...

Thanks to Cafe Alaturca sponsoring the annual arguments between Cafe and Zair.
Those arguments were always flourishing..and those arguments were always deeply involving MISUNDERSTANDING...
This is pretty bad. A lack of communication and understanding hurts both sides...
Allah knows two routes end up merging ahead of us. We shall see, what future days will bring to our lives.

In fact, having the pleasure of accomplishing something that Zair wants, Cafe is enjoying the ultimate happiness. Even though it is not Cafe's most wanted wishes, it feels great.

Last, I quote what Zair wants;
"i want you to leave me alone..let me live quetly my life without disturbing, keepin me away from any news from u"

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...

"Hello world,"

This was the first command we gave in using the Java computer program. My interest slowly disappeared to a new addiction for coffee from Java. There is also Jaws, the movie with the big fish, it is off-topic, though.
Yesterday, long-waited visitor from Baku came to our site. She spent about 11 minutes here.

I am so jealous of this blog which gets a chance to see her eyes. Not for a second, or a moment. But, 11 big minutes.

The stories of Cafe will continue until Zair will accept Cafe's marriage proposal.

Usually, couples spend time and then the eternal moment comes up when the men proposes marriage to the women. In this Cafe case, proposing is different. As you witness here, from the initial proposal time in 2004 till now, the period continues...Hoping to have this moments multiplied by 111111 more days, more weeks, more months, and years...

Life is more precious when it is shared. Just like a cup of Turkish coffee, which leads a long way back to the past and paves the way to the future.

Zair and Cafe
Why not
Why not?*?*?

Cafe comments on Leila movie on Amazon.com

Yes, immediately, after watching the movie called Leila, cafe wrote the comments on
website. Quoted below:

Marriage of love; being able to give a birth to a male child;mother-in-law factor;culture

March 19, 2007
If you want to watch a film with a true love between a husband and wife, I'd highly recommend this film. A husband is allowing his wife to make her own decisions and create a mutual discussion platform. This must be a very important feature of genuine love between a couple in an UNEXPECTED geography.
However, there is often a third person who is not happy with the two's happiness. This third person is sometimes the whole society, sometimes a single person. Let's call it "the third eye." In this culture, people believe in nazar (the envy and maybe grudge of other people). And the director clearly portrays the evil eye hanging next to the entrance door to the house of the couple (Leila and Reza). Yes, there are several ways to keep that third eye away from destructing the happiness of the two. "Dua" (praying to God) keeps the relationship safe and healthy from harm. Dua is the core of life. Dua is the core of strong belief in God. That's what we see in the film many actors are praying for the sake of Reza (the husband) and Leila (the wife).
*Evil Eye is just one of those traditions to keep the envy of the society or those people jealous of the couple's happiness.

Reza is a very nice gentleman offering his wife presents and treats in several occasions. He takes her out and he LISTENS to her. This is a portrayal of the true possibility of MUTUAL LOVE existing in a place with lots of biased views about it. The plot takes place in Iran and many people have very biased views about the country. You can immediately recognize the veil Leila (the main actor) wearing on the cover of the DVD. What does it imply? Oh, this is just another middle Eastern movie? I guess not. So, please leave your BIASED VIEWS and give this film a try.

There is a culture embedded in this film. The culture of Islam is truly reflected in many occasions without favoring the extremist side or "modernized" side. There is very well balance constructed in this film. I heard from another reviewer that the director had his college education in the US. However, the director did not bring a stranger's eye to an everyday possible event of a marriage without a child.
This film might also be directed from a stranger's eye through many ways. The veil might be recognized as a false practice, or say the women's rights might be discussed, or the husband might be rejecting his customs and hold his wife's hand publicly, and even kiss her in the street.
No, there is no stranger's eye in this film. It is fresh from the roots of the culture, and I congratulate the director to clearly articulating the customs of his country and still portraying a very usual problem in marriage (which is the must of having a son to continue the generation of the man).

I also continued on another DVD review of Leila Hatami to write more about Leila movie. Quoted below:
I am sorry I had some words to include for Leila Hatami's other film called Leila,
March 19, 2007

Please pardon my review, I could not include last part of my review for Leila Hatami's other film called Leila.
Here it is:
A couple of suggestions and thumps ups about some issues discussed in the film:
1) True love waits. Both man and woman can love each other. Mutual love is possible. Life is not about sex, the director did not NEED to show any scene with the truly&passionately-in-love couple having sex. Yes, maybe it is not allowed in the country to have such a film, but he showed the audience that we do NOT need to see them having sex to confirm that they have a passionate relationship.
2) Mother-in-laws can be very influencing. Still, the wife listens to her mother-in-law. I really felt bad about Leila being deeply influenced and left struggling with the idea of accepting a second wife in the house.
3) The beautiful women named Leila (with a beautiful name meaning "night") showing such incredible patience until she sees the second women in her house. Then, she runs away from the fact that now there is her, husband, and new wife. It is truly unacceptable to have two women in the same house, in today's world. But, do not forget to look back and read what was it like for a man to marry more than one women. Please, do not rely on one source of information. Bring three different viewpoints to your own conclusion. Regulations change relative to the period of time.
4) The religion of Islam was embedded in the sequence of actions in the film. However, the director did not choose to let us hear "the athan (call of the prayer)" in the film. Still, we had a chance to witness the women praying in many scenes. "The willing of God" was well explained in the film.
5) 129 minutes for a film is not short, but may be long. However, you do not feel like it. I wanted to watch more although it was the end when Leila had finally seen his husband's daughter from his second wife whom he divorced (by mutual agreement) after the birth of the child.
6) And last, the Turkish coffee, or Arabic coffee (or even Greek coffee:) Yes, in the film there are a couple of scenes where Leila and Reza are reading the grounds of the coffee (Turkish coffee cup reading, or fortune telling). Although it is not highly recommended to base your life on mystery, still it is different flavor in life, like a break from reality, and rely on some strong imagination. Yes, even listening to the other person reading and interpreting the symbols on your coffee ground is exciting and thought-provoking. Won't you like someone to read about how you feel now and what might happen in your future without giving that person any clue other than the coffee you just drank and turned over to let the coffee grounds dry.
7-a) OK, one more:) I liked the marriage ceremony (well, the first one, because the second one was heart-breaking for Leila. The cars were honking and following the car of the bride and the groom.
7-b) The idea of service. The incredible acknowledgment of endless serving food and drinks to your guests.
7-c) Kebab in the country side. Very lovely, relaxing, enjoying.
7-d) Every religion has its characteristics. Islam is a religion of peace and faith. This film clearly articulates the faith and peace components well.

This film is full of culture. And this is my first review:) I tried to raise some questions from some of the scenes in the film. Thanks for your time.

What if we were already be together?

I am feeling awkward about the time we are postponing in our life to be together. Mutual arguments can make the relation stronger, as long as these arguments are not in the form of fighting.

Cafe had watched the movie, Leyla in the US. It was a dramatic movie from Iran. Basically, the girl was not wanted by the men's family, but men was fighting very hard to keep her. What was wrong with her? She was infertile (like, not able to give birth). And, as you know, in Middle Eastern culture, children is very important, so the family was insisting him to divorce Leyla.

At the end, they had to divorce, well, he got married with another lady for the sole reason of having a baby. That's it. But, the love was gone after Leyla was left alone.

Each second in the movie, I reflected the scenario to myself. Even if it was not relative to me, I tried to find similarities.

Thank God, that Zair is not infertile, as far as I know. And, if she is infertile, would Cafe marry her? I deeply think yes. Allah has the final word, so we can always pray for a healthy baby when we got married. Allah knows how much Cafe wants to become Cafe Zair.

About the family opposition, well, yes, Cafe Familia was a little bit hesitant about Zair, when Zair Familia was more than welcoming. Now, it is vice versa. All Cafe clan is waiting for Zair, when Zair is hiding behind the bushes, and waiting for the next train to jump on and run away from Cafe clan. I hope that train will never come, or when it comes Zair will re-think about her importance.

P.S: Zair doesn't mean Poison, sorry. By the way, it is Zahir, but I will not change the word Zair in our story.
Zahir means a person who can love another person more than himself/herself. Even can love without feeling the warmth of the other. I guess, this totally describes pre-Zair period and post-Cafe period now. I hope this period will end soon and become Cafe Zair period, BECAUSE WE DO NOT DESERVE JUST PAIN...

I guess, I will read the Paulo Coelho's book Zahir soon...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Relationship consultation management

I began to feel like a relationship consultant.
Or, the counselor of relations between Baku and Istanbul.

Due to high demand from Zair, Cafe needs to announce that there has been one unlucky incident during the phase of our relationship establishment. For some reason, men tend to forget about their guilty moments, indeed women never forgets.

It was the beginning of the relationship as Cafe says. Very pure, and as naive as possible. Like wishing for the shooting stars to kiss her lips. Something like that..
When the shooting star is replaced with the meteor, the conditions are different.
I believe the jealous eyes of the community feeling lots of empathy (opposite of sympathy) towards Zair Cafe. Yes, it was Zair Cafe during that time, since Zair amazed the Cafe with her smart beauty. In fact, now Cafe is trying to keep the ropes to ride their horses together for the future. And, now it is in process to be called Cafe Zair. Anyways, meteor was coming to the enthusiasm of this wonderful relationship. It was like a husband and wife in high school, where people were experiencing immature relations, whereas Zair Cafe seemed like the master of relations, as if being married for many years.
Long story short, Zair touched Cafe's senses at one time, I don't remember what was it about specifically, but Zair was always playing under the belly (like boxing). Shouting words that anyone should always be cautious of..
Cafe hit Zair, unfortunately. It was a result of lots of attention being drawn upon their relation, possibly.

I would like to copy Zair's most recent testimonial here. So, she can understand how much Cafe wants to be Cafe Zair from now on. Whatever needed to be proven will be proven to let her understand this quantum physics relation between Ying and Yang, or Cafe and Zair, or simply the foolishness of amor.

"then u call urself man...when u cant accpet that u are a s*** by hitting woman.///u are afraid to tell that....everything u write there (this blog) is faek...cauz u hide the truth"

"from site, we can see that she is a crazy lady that refuses the purest and sweetest love, but u are afrasid to give reasons, to show the real reasons....cauz if you show them alll beauty of ur site will disappear and you will shown like a heyvan (animal) that hits woman, and is not able to protect her"

I hope these two quotes were satisfactory enough for her own Ego.

I don't drink Coca Cola Zero, but I have Zero EGO. I don't mind to share the truth, as long as it is been described fairly.

Be fair to me, I be there waiting for you forever.

All these years, I try to configure my mind to live without her, Cafe says.
Now, this blog is an escape point for all those hidden, depressed thoughts being frozen for an unknown expiration date.

I let them expire now. Everybody can begin to eat these thoughts, chew it slowly, because it was frozen. I feel like a gum she is chewing. Chewing, and chewing, but just cannot spit it out. I wish to get lost in her stomach, to go through her throat. But, hey fella', wait a minute, there is no access to hollywood, and I don't want to be a movie star by embracing the world of hatred being well-preserved in her. Let is snow, let it snow until this Christmas. On New Years Eve, I will celebrate my patience's virtue, finally. When the world began to speak what is the level of amor in this reaction of relation.

Merry Christmas, or Marry Me. Your choice Ms. Zair.

P.S: There is nothing philosophical about this post, as I went through the whole piece once again. It is pure amateur literature, that's it. For those of you who can celebrate this post, enjoy it. For those throwing stones at it, be careful, "Baby is inside".

Here we go again...

I wonder what type of affair is my desire classified.

I also wonder what I am being accused of...

Seeing another girl in my dream, and sharing this with my woman. And, this woman thinks I won't be able to marry her, instead I will marry the girl appeared in my dream like a commercial.

I have been watching this documentary, or even better to say, drama, or maybe soap opera since 2004. I am not quite a fan of this. But, I am addicted. No smoking, no drinking, but addicted to this woman, even if she is not around. Yes, addicted. Like a spray of perfume on my clothing, the smell lasts forever. Like a tasty dish of olive oil dolma, her taste is eternal. Even though she thinks Cafe is boring, Zair will marry Cafe, and I am hoping to open another branch of Cafe Alaturca, named Cafe Zair.


Anger Management

For a while, my posts could be like tomatoes smashing the window of her car. Easily, those tomatoes will become daisies, lilies, and then small bees, to make some honey inshallah.

I hate you I miss you Don't you dare?

Yes, now this blog has a new etiquette.
She calls it "phylisophical writings on site"

I leave the argument to the public, if this blog is anywhere close to being Philosophical?

I try to keep this blog in the boundaries of literature.

A person from the heart of Azeri literature is denying this, and I am a little bit confused.

As I hear from her, she says;

" i deny to keep any conversation with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yes, world is watching us. And, I hope to boost the visitor numbers to this blog. Maybe, we can all get together and walk to this Zair's house, and demonstrate how much I desire her.

Yes, world, listen to me. The best thing you can do would be to write on this blog. Maybe, she will hear you, since she denies to hear from me.

I will follow my heart, as I did since the beginning. We shall see if she deserves this heart, or not.
Nothing more I can do.

Cut Flowers Trashed Flowers

Have you ever had that feeling? Buying the flowers for your girl friend. Next day, all flowers are in the trash can. Yes, that is pretty much heart breaking. Still, I desire this girl. And yes, I don't smoke, but my mind should be quite fuzzy to continue to chase this beauty.

Small Statistics Figure from Today's Game

Yes, in fact it is a game. I hope. Really.
23 emails from Zair
40 emails from Cafe

NO COMMENT...God knows how much I waited for her. Though, even I would send 4,000,000 emails, what would happen? Nada? Mucho?
Basically, mi amor, but then...
Well, world continues to rotate around, the stars are watching us, something gotta happen...

Zair Letter 2004

Yes, indeed she emailed me finally. We talked for a few hours. When I say talk, don't think phone, or chat. Email. Only email. That's the best I can get. Here is her requested poem to be published here. What is next? I dunno! But, I still believe, as the Mariah Carey's song says. I still believe....

Zair's Letter 2004 Version (I wish to see the 2008 version, really soon)

Please tell me what the **** is going on?
And where takes me the path that i go on?

why cant i see no light on my life path,
And why there is no one walking with me on my path

And when where is someone who is walking by my side
Why disappears he after little while?

To where is taking me this long and full of darkness road
and why cant walk i bravely by my own?

why do i fall down after all the lucky steps i made
and why cant stand i straightly on my way?

Why cant i stand up strongly , bravely on my feet?
What have i done that life just bits me : bit after very bit?

Who will just show me light on my life-path?
Who will just save me from all the storm?
And lightening? and winds and rains?
That come i frequently accross my every day?

What is my life?
Where does the meaning of life hides?

Why is today not like my yestarday?
Whya aint i happy just as yestarday?

where are the peole that i saw the day before?
why do i stand now here so alone?

who knows the answers to my questions now i ask?
If even i cant find the answers till up now"

Bubble Burst

Yes, finally the bubble burst, and it was full of chemicals, petroleum from Caspian Sea reserves. I was not expecting caviar, but also not assuming that it will be crude oil. It is not cruel, though. I heard people wash themselves with petrol in Baku. That's healthy, and I am not going to explain the details here, I am already blown out into pieces with the particulates included in the petrol. She didn't use any lighter, thanks. Otherwise, I would not be here saying hello to the world.

For all these years, I desired someone, and the desires become a sort of cruelty. I will write more since I will have all these days until I meet the family very soon. Nothing shall stay here. I waited for a long time, why do I need to hide my feelings from the world. I would appreciate if any one of you visitors, strangers could support me on my journey to save her heart. She is the Zair, which can be translated into Poison in English. I keep asking myself what is the loyalty between Zair and Ashk (Amor). When did this happen, ok, I know when. But, why this keeps happening? There should be a way to win this game, indeed if this is a game. If Zair is fooling Cafe, then Cafe Alaturca will become Cafe Zair :(

Saturday, September 20, 2008


Today, I heard your country's name again in the office.

I feel like I am running, running on the beach, and there is boat sailing away. Well, then shall run on the water, which means swim :)

and, are you in that boat that is sailing away..


Simply ask this to yourself.

I do that very often, I highly recommend.

Friday, September 19, 2008


Our company is sending some sample kits to your country. They mentioned the name of your city and country. I think I am losing my mind, or my patience. I can't resist anymore. I am into daydreaming mode as soon as I hear your name, your city's name, or your country's name.

I hope this dilemma will be resolved within a couple of weeks. Maybe by the time your sister gives a birth, it will a new birth for us as well.

The day beginning to wait for the sun dawn

For a moment, I thought I won't be able to fit these many words in the title.
For a moment, I thought that I won't be able to fit your loss in my world.
But, each sun dawn means a new beginning for me. I am not saying sun rise.
The end of the day means that one more day passes, so less number of days are left behind.

My day is boring, in fact it gets exciting after 2-3pm.
I wish I can daydream, indeed I dreamed for you again.

Dream shall come true, if we see the dreams on a regular basis.

I think about you, and I want to see you, and communicate with you, because these blog posts cannot continue any further. Life is getting boring every single day, at the same time the daily rush is sweeping us around.

Warm and toasted regards from me to mi amor.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Smooth Jazz

My life plays jazz
Would you hear me or, just listen to me..
Why don't you even send me a message in these difficult days.
What do you expect me to do.
I have been delaying the letter from my mama since we have short amount of time to talk in these days.
I am getting very angry at this situation. I feel like I am bargaining for my future. Only, nobody is asking me the price, because I am bargaining for you for no price, you are priceless, indeed. I am not willing to loose you.
Too many thoughts that can be developed and create wealth for us, if we become one. But, but...But, I don't understand why you are staying away, so far away....
I still question, what does it mean when you say, "I won't be able to be your wife"
Por Que? mi Amor, por que?????

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I won't be able to be your wife

I would prefer to hear from you, "I don't love you anymore."
What does it mean?
"I won't be able to be your wife."

Who is restricting you, what happened to you?

I will continue to compete (not fight) for my future, my kids.
I am not going to lose you.

If you won't be able to be my wife, I won't be able to survive.

I hope you will come to this blog and listen to me, since I cannot contact you, not allowed to. I promised and I keep my promise.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Keep Waiting

I did not put the DND (do not disturb) sign on my door, why don't you come.
I did not shut the door either, it is open.
And, I did not put another big sign saying "walk-ins welcome", so you are special.
What is keeping us apart?

I don't date these posts, and to be honest I didn't write for a couple of days. Didn't I think about you at all? My life is counting seconds with your name. I shout within myself, your name, your vision, your feelings. Monday will be another important date, and I really hope your family will not set more obstacles in front of us, because my family is waiting to make sure about this situation. This situation that I have been waiting to make sure for five years, cinqo anos.

Muchos gracias mi amor,
Ya tya lublu.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Mama Mia!

Mi mi amor,

There is one tooth which is special. I like to circulate my tongue around that one tooth. It feels like I am circulating around you.

If I draw a picture of my wishes, could you make them come true with you, because all my wishes are in relation to you.

A couple of times the lights were off recently, both at home and at work. Did you come to my neighborhood, you are supposed to be the night, now you become a candle enlightening my world.

You were always a candle for me lighting my route to success, wisdom, health.

Mi amor,

You are prescribed to me. I cannot afford to go to the doctor to write me prescription all the time. Please let me marry you.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

New Day New Post New Car

Another new day, and this is a new post, but I still don't have a new car, or any car. Is it OK?

Kindly asking your favor to think for a moment. Look at the mirror. Do you see me?

Or, do you hear me when you listen to Azeri radio, or hear some Russian songs?

Many evidences left behind to track you down. I will find you honey.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Le Analytics

Le amor, La amor..I don't worry about who visits my crying blog, my wall of sadness. Though, I am a little bit confused at Google ads, displaying the ad call who l,o,v,e,s you. As I said before I don't put those 4 letters together anymore, and I don't like to see this type of cheesy ads on my blog, anyways.

Mi amor, my back hurts, I sit in the office all day, sometimes move upstairs and downstairs to see the production. Not much is happening. I take a look at your picture sometimes, and try to keep my faith.

Ohh, I was about to forget this.

Mi amor, after the night breakfast to begin fasting, I went to sleep for 2 hours, then go work, you know.
During this sleep, I lost you, another girl appeared in my dream. She was not even comparable to you, but a little bir mystic, natural girl. Supposedly, I am being drawn (not forced) to marry her. I am asking myself in the dream, what's happening, what happened to mi amor. It was a scary dream. I guess, it was a test for me. As if I can cheat on you. No way. Aaaaa mi amor, I have lots of stories to talk about, for hours, but I still don't know what I will do in your city, country, your motherland. I have no clue what sort of business I will be doing there. I am not happy here as well, but it has been only 1 month, and I am still considered as a person knows not much about the products we produce. So, I research, read, and learn. In the meantime, I look at the only picture I have left from you. And, look at the situation that in that picture you are looking at the camera behind the bars (of the building door). If I don't seek for irony beneath this picture, what else shall I do.
Mi amor,
I am waiting, I keep my patience, inshallah we will soon be together. Allah loves people who are patient. That's ok mi amor. Remember, I told you in the beginning find an occupation. Just occupy yourself in the meantime, we will grow up, and we will prove our youth love as an adult decision to live together from now on.
No gimmicks anymore, believe me. Cannot handle those songs anymore, fooling us. Our goal is the same. I will be waiting for you at the climax point of Himalayas. We will take a picture there together, without any bars.
Don't forget to bring chocolate bar, we will need energy to come down the mountains, together. Yes, together, what a nice word to pronounce. I think I will repeat this word to myself everytime I look at your picture. Together mi amor, together. My new spanish word is:
Puedo ir contigo? (Can I come with you?)
Di me mi amor,
Di me Si.
Si, senorita.
Si, senor.

Monday, September 8, 2008


I visit my blog again, it is about 3pm, I am very tired, been browsing the web for distributors, very tiring but fruitful research. I just can't imagine the world with you. Finally, finally, finally. It would not be exactly the same as we were together 5 years ago. Now, we are a little bit mature, but still should know the value of our youthful days. Once the kids begin to mingle, we would enter the stage of adultery I guess. Looking forward to hear from you. I am running forward to you. I hope this time Allah will accept our excuses to make our parents sorry. Rough times should be over. Gotta be over. Dear Amor, I don't call L-o-V-e anymore, then Google Ads display weird ad campaigns related to l,o,v,e.

Mi Amor,
That's about mi amor. Lots of dulce from Istanbul. Offffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff Oooooooooffffffff

MY Fashion Week

Not NY Fashion Week, but MY Fashion Week. Lots of stories, lots of enthusiasm, excitement, and questions. Mamas may meet this week, or next week. Inshallah there will be good news happening. My hands are shaking since I am like you, don't know what will happen in the coming future. I wish I know my game plan, but this time, I am out of bounds. Please, don't throw me back to the field, I am watching right now, let me be, let me see, let me come.
Looking forward to hear from you soon,
Kind regards,
Cafe del Turca ala Turca

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Mi Casa, Tu Casa, El Paso

Dear Love,

Look at your hand. five beautiful fingers. All of them ending up in your sweet heart.
Look at your other hand. Another five beautiful finger, all ending up in your warm heart.
Now, look at your feet. Five beautiful toes, all ending up in your delicious heart.
And, last, but not least, look at your other five melodic toes, all finding their way to your mellow heart.

There is at least 20 reasons how much I feel you, miss you. Please imagine one reason, and follow the route to your heart. You will find me there, and I will tell you the secret.
Since it is online, not a secret anymore. OK, then, world hear my voice.

Would you marry me?

Is the World Listening to Me, to You, to Us?

I imagine us reading these posts a couple years later. I imagine we will be able to imagine what struggles we have been through.
I value us together.
I don't value me alone with a latest model car.
I don't value me alone eating a value meal, or fine dining meal, whatsoever.
I value us sharing the meal.
I value you, and I hope you still value me. Don't put me in the clearance section. I don't expect you to value me as gold, or petrol. But, find the middle line. See, I am not crossing the line, and I still don't bother you via phone or email. Maybe still I don't know what to do, but I am coming to you...

Friday, September 5, 2008

Honey Mustard or Spices

I have been calling you honey, I never intend to put mustard on you.
If I were a bee, I would always visit you, my only flower, my only source of sugar.
I have been missing you lately.
I never tend to put more spices in my emotions.
I try to stay happy, waiting for the moment to be with you.

All I am aiming to say is that, I did not give up, and will not give up until I hear the words from your mouth.
OK, don't let me kiss you, but speak to me
Easy to give direction
Not easy to go to east
Your sun rises first
I am still sleeping, wait, this is the only time I can see you..
In my dreams..

Today is Friday
If the days starts with you, I can't imagine how flourishing it will be.
Yes, I told you honey, no need for mustard
My door is open, can I come and visit you
The day may be coming through
You are not thinking so
But I am in love with you
So much
So much
So many times I told
Yes, so much
Miss you mucho
Love you mucho
Esta mi corazon
Esta mi casa
La bella chica

Allah knows
Sincerely Yours

Thursday, September 4, 2008


No more voting poll. I am not asking anyone if I will marry you. I am currently debating myself where we are going to end up. I am getting bored of every single day. Nothing is happening in cooperation with my optimistic mood. Thanks to Ramadan that it is the time of smooth melody. I feel like letting the boat slowly sail towards you. My only wish is your survival. Mamas will talk in a couple of weeks, through the end of Ramadan. I hope it will be a happy ending for us. Otherwise, I am bored, I am very bored of this life happenings without you. I witnessed a lot of mistakes at work. It seems to be a picture of my relation to you. I will never treat you as my job is treating me. Trying to be someone while being nobody at work. Lots of misleading actions. I am ready to act. Yes, Ms.
I am ready to act, just curious about what is the next stepping stone to build my career. I guess my career will be shaped in relation to you. Without your mercy, nothing goes right.
I am dying, as if.
You used to tell me that you are dying.
Now, I am having that problem. I wish I could understand you better.
Now, I know.
I feel that it is an ongoing pain.
Shall it be no more.
Stop that please.
Where are you?
Why don't you believe that we can sit next to each other?
Muy difficil, muy bien.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Counting Down Times

As we are fasting during the day, the most important part is the time between 11-2pm I think.
I used to have lunch, and now it is not possible. Office work is not fun all the time. Though, I have lots of time to think. I am planning to come, and never leave. Yes, I am counting down the time as I am counting down the hours, minutes during the day to begin eating with the sun dawn.

My love, I hope you don't forget me. You didn't forget me for 4 years when I was away. I hope you don't forget me during these times. I don't want to put a measure on this time frame. edeude (this means my boss came to my office, today's timing was bad, I used to come to office and write to you in the early morning before working hours)
Anyways, time passes by, it is time to eat, well go home, and then wait for a few more minutes to eat..I love you darling, I really love you, I keep seeing your country's name...offfffffffffffffff...off

Monday, September 1, 2008

And the inner struggle begins

Yes, Ramadan begins. Inshallah I will hear good news from you through the end of this holy month. I am still acting positive, and hopeful. I am not cheerful, nor very optimistic. I just fell it that everything will inshallah be ok. I don't see any reason to live without you. I would why, I would ask Por Que!

Gracias mi amor, gracias.