Expect the unexpected, follow the lovers lost in this blog.

A blog to cater your mind,body,and soul as you drink Turkish Coffee. We are proud to present our new storyline called Cafe's search for his "Zahir". Everyday is a new day for the "Cafe" (from Istanbul) & his journey for "Zahir" (from Baku). Don't expect extraordinary drama from the narrator, me. Still, this is a drama (maybe real!), and have better impact on you than watching a soap opera. Guaranteed. There is genuine feelings within inspirational periods. Cross your fingers for this story to end with happy marriage :-) All rights are reserved.

EDIT (01 July 2009) - She is engaged with another man, and I finally made my marriage proposal bringing my family to Baku. The result: She stays engaged and will have her wedding, so called "toy", with that another man.

Rest in peace Ms. Zahir.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Testimonials

Of course, at the top of the list we have:

"I love her" with "I want her happiness" in addition to "I can make her happy" and "I will do everything for her"

The rest of the testimonial will be needless. It would be like searching for the needle in the sack of hay.

Watching the wild life is laying some groundwork for our behavior. As we all know, the biggest danger for the wild life is man. In our relationship, I see the distance as the biggest danger for us. Though, if we look from the optimistic side, it was a lot further before. In these days, we are just stretching it, and try not make our lives as wild. At the end, we are also mankind, but we have beautiful minds to "make good decisions" as one of teachers used to say.

I don't try to make this film "action & cut" all the time. We had quite a bit of cuts in the past. It is time for some genuine action. It is not deep frozen. These actions have deep roots underground, and they have been growing for more than 1,700 days. Even one second seems a lot today, how did these days pass by? How many stars we counted as we were sitting on the bench? How many airplanes we've seen and show it to each other, as the sky was too large and our eyes were like radar to point out the airplane before each of us.

She is the finest image and the beauty in this natural world as we are all governed by this usual natural selection process. This is a natural behavior from a romantic side. If you lift the carpet, don't be afraid, there is no dust, as I clear out my hatred to this distance every second. There is no argument with the coincidences and consequences. It is plain challenge, and I am slowly preparing my 4x4 truck to drive us together. We shall go to Africa to see the meerkat manor, they are cute. Maybe, they have something to tell us for our future. Enough with the Turkish Coffee grounds which keep getting us closer, but still we are apart. As I continue to slip my tongue and drop some feelings into this well, I hear no sound. I always believed that I put all my energy to stock enough struggle to last forever.
What is the worst struggle in this survival of the fittest world?
Is it being apart and growing the world's largest botanic garden with your tears?
or, is it living a happy, very happy, the happiest life in front of "jealous" eyes?

Our tears have been flowing to Caspian Sea for a while, and we are about to beat the smell of the petrol. Things are changing, world is still moving, and we are aging, thus we are changing as well.

In our house, I will put out a history timeline and specify each important date, sometimes referring to each others passport, sometimes quoting the messages we sent to each other. This timeline will personalize the past, and keep us stronger. The kids will see this and ask why? We will all blame me, of course. I had the key to open the door within the palm of my hands, but I dropped it as I flew back to the US for some "ambitions", but I never ever forget and change my original destination. Still, "us" is within the realm of possibilities, and "I" shall continue hard to bring the Zahir back on track, this time with the most concrete plans ever.

Don't judge us as the best engineers in life. We just need a shelter, but I wanted to build a multi-story villa where we can have our dog barking outside, organic fresh veggies and fruits growing. This is not a dream, but includes some imagination, and it is the same amount of positive energy built up the imagination after the moment I saw the Azerbaijan flag in the basketball/tennis court on campus in the middle of a dessert where you will not consider such a meeting.

As I watched the wild life series on BBC, there was one observer/researcher who followed gorillas for 10 years. After five years of patience, gorillas admitted him as a part of their family, and never bothered. He just follow, never get aggressive, same colors of clothes. As he says, in the beginning it was impossible. Everything seems impossible in the beginning. We as a community make those requirements, like going to college, getting a job, sweating 9-6pm, and etc. In the meantime, we don't mind to think about the "other" side, those have dreams.

I dreamed for this life, and I will keep the 4x4 truck with good maintenance until I am ready to drive from Istanbul to Baku for 1,100 miles (around 1,700 km)

The observers are so accustomed to the past failures, the clouds are never disappearing to let the sun during the day, and moon during the night illuminate our way. The patience is a virtue, but I need a hand to continue fighting. My windscreen wipers are quite fast, but the clouds are dropping so much rain that I am unable to see the front. Please, help me get away with the "others" continuous passion to make decisions for our lives, and let me drive securely. No matter what, I am stubborn and determined as a natural goal-oriented person. The goal is not a single event of wedding. The goal is to provide a life we deserve together.

There will be struggles in the future, and this is the way of life. But, please stop growing more pessimistic clouds, as I just raised my red flag, because I am about to sink down the Caspian Sea.

Each happening is a trial to find her reflection. Driving on the highway, researching on the internet, listening to music, eating breakfast, walking on the seaside, everything. There she is, there I am. We are essentially not migrating birds, but we can let some of our feelings to migrate and then open up some space for embracing happiness. Please be relieved, nobody is perfect, but we can be aware of our fallacies, and try to patch them. As I said before, there is not enough light to film, so let's move on and carry the gray clouds away, far away, until we are together, then we can fight with those gray clouds together, even by talking over the phone. Compared to the wild life flirting, mine is neither wild, nor chill. I just need an idea of how big is this ocean of blue, because I am almost lost within this blue, but I hear no sound from the city of Baku.

OK, there is sound, and it came right on time, as I was having the worst 5 minutes of my life over the phone. This footage is taken in Baku, Azerbaijan, in front of the Government House which has a magnificent architecture.


Dance of the Fountains in front of the Government House in Baku, Azerbaijan

In this post, I also like to share the lyrics of the song - "Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars"

The biggest question is being asked in this song, as well.

Would you lie with me and just forget the world? Because, it is the world so far playing its tricks and putting building blocks in front of us. Patience. Not many blocks left to clear, and we all know the time is still ticking. Yes, I know very much, I guess we both know the value of time.

"Chasing Cars"

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Push-Button World

If it is scheduled, there is no problem. But, when it is a surprise visit, it is ruining her life.

This is a push button world.

It begins cracking my head as soon as I push the power button of my laptop. It is sick. Just too many feelings, yet only a few of them deserved a space here.

I always wonder what happens to the tap water when we turn it off. How does the water feel? Just because you have the control to release it, the water has no right to decide? Does the water want to come out, or move into different taps through different pipes? Does it have a certain route of flow? Which tap is the favorite one? And, the most important question is; hot or cold?

If I am the water in her apartment's pipes, I don't mind to be filtered, or heated, or put in the refrigerator, as long as I end up seeing her. If I am the pipe connected to her tap, I will be keeping my body stainless steel and avoid the rust.

It is a push button world, we love, we hate, and we forget.

Indeed, my world doesn't allow any lover's game. I could be now thrown out of her galaxy, and be treated as Pluto, whereas she is the Venus. Yes, it is quite a bit of distance between us, temporarily.

I am slowly entering her galaxy, and soon I will be the Jupiter with a circle around my belly. Oh, no, I don't belly-dance, please! But, that circle could be the stars circling around my head after her shouting over the phone. It created some significant dizziness.

Would you like some tea?

Well, I miss her "shirin" tea. It is sweet, yet no sugar, only served with natural jam.

Is there any dessert after the meal?

Well, sorry, I have no appetite to celebrate. I only eat to survive. It is not a pleasure unless it is shared with her. Of course, it is always a grateful moment, whereas millions are starving outside. But, don't you realize how many people are starving for a strong, trustworthy, sincere, honest, emotional, powerful relationship. The targeted ads for "matching" services are rising. I don't understand how come I can think of somebody else when I am starving for her presence. And, inshallah when we are together, how come I can think of somebody else when I am praying to Allah everyday for making my ("our") dreams come true.

Who is that somebody else?

and, Why?

I am driving in the traffic, and somebody is harassing everyone in the traffic by breaking the rules and using the emergency lane. Where is all those humane feelings we all supposed to have somewhere hidden in our mind over belly or under belly, whichever is preferred.

I am driving in the traffic, and I will not harass anyone by using the emergency lane.
I am simply waiting for the weather calm down and see the blue.

It will be blue, it has to be blue, because this sorrow should not continue forever. We all have lives to live, lips to kiss, feet to dance, hands to touch, eyes to meet, etc.

There is one phrase - Loving the Creator due to the creations.

It is a blank page without her. But, we have so many thoughts to share that the expected life period should be barely enough for us to fill those blank pages together. We all created those blank pages together, like putting the flour and making bread in the oven. They are fresh, and as I posted yesterday, we shall illuminate the world together more than 1.000.000 hours.

It is a push button world, and I shall hit the publish post button, and I don't know when and where these proud and lucky letters will meet her to tell her how much I miss her to kiss her.

Until we share a dessert together, I am fasting. I could remember the day we went to "Gud Pe├žka" to pick up one of her favorite desserts. I thank Allah that we are all humans and we are all miracles in this finite world. How fresh the memories are and how long they will be able to feed my thirst for her?