Bridge now with the past, then walk away

Reading Paulo Coelho is always inspiring, and here we are lost again as soon as digesting one more chapter. Now far away from the beginning of the book still in the midst of awakening. Mr. Coelho is wondering about his trip to Santiago, the one in Europe, not in Chile. I am wondering about my trip to the US, and still making some connections about the recent actions with past behavior. I guess, the key is not taking one journey and write about the experience. It is the connections, unlike the transfer flights, this takes less time. It is a mind game, essentially, nothing fancy. Not a beduin of arabia, playing chess without any tools, mind chess..It is needless I guess to put Cafe on one side and attach the first two chapters of Coelho's book, Zahir on the other side.
The size of the wordpad was too large, so I minimized it a little bit, sorry for folks watching me from my back, they will not be able to see me right now. I wish there will be a transference mechanism for my thoughts, because many great thoughts are going to recycle bin in my brain. I directed those smart cells to watch the door, but Zair already poisoned them with love that they don't care about the security any more. Many great ideas are taken to the trash can, although I would litter the street with such ideas, so I can come back and pick them up, collect them and seize the opportunity cost for them. The kind of women I dreamed forever, left me suddenly with some foolish memories, now telling me read the book of Coelho called it Zahir, I am calling you Zair darling, what shall I do to begin with? I take my vitamins, and getting better each moment after every hour. It is like bribing the time machine, give me one extra minute after each cycle of hour, so I can think of Zair without getting late to work, or to brush my teeth, or to go to bed. Tardiness is a bad habit, not as bad as smoking, since it kills your lungs, and everything in your beautiful body. I never tried it, but I heard you did for once, or maybe twice, that's it. I tried to kiss you, thanks to your cheeks, they were fresh as sweat caramela. The doctor recommended me to add extra sugar to my Cafe, but you insisted that the amount of glucose is sufficient in your cheeks. I dreamed about you last minute, it was not like missing the last train in the last second. I don't think of you for a second, maybe for once, then I make it a minute. Wait a minute, where are you now, I was just talking to you? You told me to wait, now you are the one who is on the wanted list. I cannot call you, neither I can check if you are tracing me. Only your sister may shed some light to our future, since I have no idea about your presence and your surroundings.
Considering the trip to the US, and evaluating the impact of four years without hearing from her, it is an matchless comparison between the Santiago trip. If I have a chance, I would close my eyes, and ears, just wait for the water coming from your mouth, heated up with your heart, and as a courtesy of your passion, I would accept your apologies. Now I am alone, feels like in the middle of the desert. Literally, looking for an oasis, still dark outside, shall I wait for you to come down from heaven. You are the candle, you are the source of light. As Coelho says, you are the reason of my presence in this ordinary life. Yes, it is true, we are responsible for our parents, and have duties to Allah, and we have some obligations need to be submited to our countries. We believe in same Allah, we have different countries, so different families, and at the end we love each other. Think like this. Draw a line from the point A, the beginning. Then, take the first line up, and the other down. OK, I admit it, I would stay in the bottom, so I can watch you, it is a shame to look at you from above since I don't see myself skilled and experience in this business. The business so called, our careers, I applause your career efforts, whereas, mine has sinus and cosinus all the time, if I can find some tangent, thanks so much. Keep drawing the lines, pass the point B and C, and then join them at the end of the route, point D.

Dear Darling Sweet Heart, Honey Bee Melon, Tea Corn Sugar, Mickey Mouse and his fiancee,
Promise me that one day we will read these drafts together, just like Coelho's 10th draft becoming a book, and published 3 times. I would donate all the money I would make from making our love an ever inspiring book for the rest of the world. I would donate the money for a cause, and spend some time in places where people are starving for love.

Thanks to Allah, we have our families, and Allah bless them all, everyone's loved ones, their families. Each human-being is precious. And, you Zair. You carved so many memories in my whole-being, nothing could erase you from my body, soul, and mind. Please continue to work on some other formulas to cleanse yourself from me. In the meantime, I will buy more sticky notes to decorate the streets you are passing by from your apartment to work, and back. Each sticky note will have one letter on it. The first letter will be Elif, the name of our first children, inshallah.

Cannot Forget Cannot Decide

Many days, quite a few days past so far. The keyboard is more gentle towards me. I have a pillow behind my back. How you call it? Front part is stomach, the back part is what. Right there, too much pain. Maybe I am a little bit tall, due to that. Too much weight sitting at the top. Not listening to slow tracks. It is about 11pm, getting late. Trying to work until 2am, supposedly waking up by 5-6am. Possible? Cold winter days are coming, and to be honest, I already got flu. Don't message me Zair, my lady, my fairy lady. I wish this blog will recognize me as her boyfriend, or even better, her husband. I wish to receive hourly text messages to my cell phone. It doesn't ring much. Whenever I wake up with the ringtone in the morning, this uses most of the battery life I think. The pillow behind my back is quite comfortable. However, I am not quite this night, tonight. I wish to say a few words about Zair. No music with long story of lyrics are allowed right now. I hear the sound, I decorate it with words on this exclusive route to wisdom, way to love. Redefining the meaning of love in today's world. Had two bad choices in my playlist. I use winamp, yeah, I am old school. Immediately deleted those tracks from my list. The pillow is considerably ok. What if no pillow there, my back hurts, writing under the heat, something like that. Easing up the consequences, still not able to wake up with the call of the prayer from the mosque few meters close to us. Oh not you, you are a little bit far away, and I don't know how further you will hide away from me when I come to Baku. Two months left, and now my military duty is postponed for two more years, I am ready to sail my bike to the Caspian. How would you sail a bike, when you cannot drive a boat, right? I am different, and this is the salt and pepper about us. Us? No more, maybe? It used to be USA, then the first letter in my alphabet, your last name's first letter, A, left me, I got only US. The letter of "S" slowly dispatch towards the middle of the sea to word up S.O.S.

I was about to say again, so what? What is the whole fuss about the seperation four years ago? It happened, it is over, now we are trying to build a future for us? But no, hell no, or hell yeah, I don't decide about the hell, you curse most of the time. I am heavenly pieceful, you play your game, and I will not even knock on the window of Google Web Tracking system called Google Analytics to see if the visitor from Azerbaijan came upon this land. I shall stay silent and try to literally mention all I can.

Imagining a busy life, with a pieceful night. Some love, some joy, some arguments, and some words. Sharing folder will be full of stuff, but we shall decide what to include, what to not? We have filter, we don't drink bottled water. Prefer tap water, more minerals, filtered momentarily. I like that. I like you also but you left me alone, I guess I should stay closer to filtered water. It is pure, transparent, sexy. Third song in the playlist is on, my fingers are getting a little bit tired, but guess what, the third song was half, not full, so here we go. We are rolling in tonight's daily show with Zair and Cafe. I am looking forward to see your comments here, and let everyone watching us in the planet see how miserable I am feeling right now. You shall feel proud, be loud, be proud, like an American Cheerleader in the half-time show. Do you know what you are cheering up for? Enjoy the rest of the night, and tell me please. What is wrong?

Family is an important consept in our traditions. Not mixing up the religions, and discussing them. If you mind, Jewish people are also very close, etc. So, this should not be a topic of religion, but indeed merely purely surely "culture"

We are not having a cultural clash like a girl from village keeping herself away from the sound of the city. We are both city people, we love our lands, and we just cannot get together because we cannot sacrifice.

In Muslim religion, we celebrate a special time once in every year. We sacrifice a chicken, goat, sheep, camel, etc. Whatever we can afford, for the sake of Allah, and then distribute it to the ones who cannot afford to eat meat during the year. Sharing is an important aspect in our religion. We are born to share our wisdom and love towards the betterness of the humanity. See the news, watch the latest headlines. They are talking about billions of dollar loss. Who wins in this game? Who loses? I was hearing about Africa in the US all the time. Africa this, and Africa that. I finished my senior thesis on fair trade coffee, many sad stories in Africa about the game of "aid". They want to trade, but "we" shut them up with "aid."

Dear Zair,

I want to do trade with you. I have too much love kept secure in my savings hormones. No lucky girl had the chance to discriminate, or benefit from these love. Open up the topic of virginity, and I will ban this blog. For some reason, humans are always concerned about the bottom part. The heart and mind are located on the top part. So, ask yourself. Which part is more important? Yes, without the bottom part, we cannot get together and become one. However, with the help of internet, and Google's pretty blog service, blogger, I am approaching to you. No more Skype, no more phone cards, no more e-mails. I wish I can put your phone number in public, so they can call you from all those beautiful countries where my loyal visitors are watching us.

I wish they can call you Zair, why do you put this Cafe bitter? Why do play the bitter songs on the radio? For a while, I played songs for you on the college radio. Did you know that? For a while, I decided to leave my body in the lake. You know, I like fish, so I would die like a fish. Unfortunately, I do not have a fish brain. I cannot forget about you, so the show keeps going on here on this sadly, madly blog.

I learned to press the enter blog, and not sure if one day Google will collapse like the banks around the world. They file bankruptcy reports, basically, they die. If google dies, then creatures coming from Mars will not be able to witness our love. Maybe, they hack the internet already and tracking us down. Unfortunately, Google Analytics currently do not tell me if I have visitors from Mars? I am sure, there are some nice girls visiting this playground from Venus. Oh I love Venus, sorry Zair, but believe me, I would not count on you for Venus. If I win the ticket from this week's lottery, I am going baby. Down with this blog, down with the capitalism. Ooopss, sorry, I mean your capitalism. You cap "I" tallism. You call yourself "I", whereas I call myself you. I am Zair, yes, Cafe is gone, I am deliberately delivering the sound of Zair four years ago. I am not too romantic, I now, otherwise, I would be listening sad, slow songs right now, water these letters with my crying eyes, bitter words will get more sour. Sweet melodies will run dry and dead. Dried fruits are popular in Turkey, we sell these great stuff to the world. What do you sell to the world in Baku? Oil? Caviar? What else? I don't debate with you, in this global world, distances are getting smaller, and there is no single point of discussion to make about who is better and who is right! Don't forget, I used to say I am right, alllll the time, or thyme. Do you like thyme? I like it with meatballs. Not the IKEA Swedish ones. Real, genuine leader (not leather) meatballs. Brrrrrr...Yummy, like your smile, I am slowly sliding down from my pillow.

I am surprised to see no comment on this land of stupidity. I admit, I am stupid. I should have written a book, and then sell it on Amazon. I would work on the grammar, and concentrate on some key concepts to deliver it with a stronger language. Extra sex, extra humor, we would be a best-seller. Why? or Why Not? W is also called double U, to remind. I like double U's. U means you, Zair. And then, you make a U turn and come back to me. U is useful. U is unique. U are wonderful person, and I will not give up on you.

I would give up on my job. The job that I felt a lot of confidence is slowly erasing away from my sight. No single thoughtful person in the sight. Maybe, only the boss, and he is always busy, not concerned about my department. I feel so miserable, not to be with you, to work in this job in this situation with these conditions. I am not working in Chinese toy factories, or other labor discriminated fields. I forget how you call it. Simply say, bad people's bad managed companies employees. Right!

The pillow should have a similar effective reflection in my mind. I fell miserable with the amount of good hormones I produce, and most of them are gone to trash. Not the hormones from the bottom, don't go that far. In our tradition, those hormones will be actively engaged for a better future, don't worry. I am talking about the top priority hormones. Building up new companies in one night stand. Again, a synonmous phrase is used for bottom activities. One night built small company business plans. OK?

When they change the name of Pizza Hut to Pasta Hut in the UK, what do you think? When they ring your bell and tell you it is Dominos Pizza, do you look at your watch to see if it has been more than 30 minutes since you put your order over the phone. It was popular in the US, not they practice it in Turkey. Motorbikes are crazy fast here, not just Pizza, all of them. The busyness is not business. Business is trust, and I am losing the trust of clients due to promises I make but my co-workes, or mainly the boss was unable to keep up with this very small, very less-detailed promises. What an awkward situation? Personally, I am a brand, I am a name, without any stain, that is my promise. But, each foolish day going by, I am losing my trustworthyness. You may like to stay with your confidence area, I am not. I am constantly moving and trying to innovate. In today's world, if you cannot change, you are behind, way behind. I told you many times that I changed. If it was the old Cafe, this blog will be wholly different. I changed, and I am stubborn to find you. Now, I will choose my last song, and conclude this story.

It used to be a dilemma to find daily topics last summer, 2007, while seeking for a job in the US. Now, I deleted the notion of time. Who know what date is today? Without you, I remember the "tomorrow's date" before I go to sleep. Those "dates" are so hot. Cool summer, slow breeze, rainy forests, wavy oceans, from dawn till dusk. I see you baby, shake it your ass, the song called. Another song was about milkshake, etc. Too rude. Sorry, but we have no space for such rudeness.

I already close the page of my mistakes. If I begin to talk about Cafe faults, then I would need to dedicate another blog. There is a difference between immature baby and mature adult. Adult's can work for babies, but babies are not sent by storks. Well, ask for fish, storks can bring you some from the sea, if you want, my sexy baby Zair. I ask the storks in Istanbul, bring me Zair from Caspian Sea, they tell me it is not the migration period. When the time comes for them to migrate to another land, they would tell me that Baku is not on their way. So, my baby. Slow down, drink a glass of water, like me, right now, and look at the mirror, how much do you want to share the rest of your life with me?

Books of drama, drinks of alcohol, smokes of cigarettes are not allowed, sorry. Leave your bad habits behind. I love the nature, and I won't hurt any trees, or ants walking under my feet as I walking...Walking to you...Be careful, I am not running, so don't try to peel bananas and throw them at me. Don't slide me. Don't do this, don't do that, yes, that's enough, free woman. I am sorry, I said I changed, and here we go. I don't mind how you do it, but do something for us, one last time.

Wishing every one a happy new year. See, you think this post was written on New Year's Eve. Yes or no? Tell, be honest, Zair, you answer for everyone. Won't you? Won't you think one last time why we cannot get together, when we understand each other so well. No push, no struggle. We love each other. No push, no struggle, we think about each other every single moment. I don't dream. The balance of my dreams are equal with the amount of work I do for you. Yes, today I am celebrating the paperwork I received from my military duty service. Today is a celebration moment, today is my birthday, or not. When was the day we first met and hang out together? Was it August, or September? Or October? You remember those days perfectly, since you are a perfect woman, and I am your perfect man, here we are moving around with the force of perfect storm. Cold days are coming, and I am looking forward to find a cozy, warm place in Baku to keep myself happy and healthy, FYI (for your information).

I found my motto in Portofino

The song was like finding the love in Portofino. When the stream of thoughts are running faster than typing fingers, then some thoughts are lost in mind, or somewhere between your brain and fingers. Best guess would be your heart. I suppose I can handle everything with my heart. Today's conversation with co-workers was about Kazakhistan. Imaging the life in the middle asia, reaching finally to the ancestors land of Cafe. Really excited about passing by Zair, and seeing her surprised face. It is not about love anymore. It is about understanding each other. What Zair tells to the universe is that love can last. What cafe is teaching to the galaxy is that people change. So, according to our 3=4 equation, galactic people will conquer the universe and then we will sail with the Noah'a Ark. Don't miss the point. This is how Zair's thoughts are building up. If you want to let your love disappear slowly, try to call her and check how successfully loves are ending up. Loves or laws. I would call it law from now on. Because lawyers make more money than lovers. I have no idea about sinners, but they are supposed to make lots of money as well. Due to the recent flunctuation in the world economy, some people are called to be greedy. I don't press the enter button, I keep typing, since the stream will drain all thoughts for a while, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...
Today Azerbaijan is playing their World Cup Final Qualification match with Finland. Turkey's match is with Bosnia and Herzegovina. Good luck to both Azerbaijan and Turkey, for the sake of Zair and Cafe. Well, lady's first. From now, I shall put her name first. Zair Cafe...Can't wait to drink Zair Cafe one last time which will last forever, like an eternal moment.
Now, I imagine the days in one of the Native American villages. It was cold. In the middle of nowhere. It was during the time before her presence in my life. The small village house, called yurt, was built on this location. There was an oven, heating the whole area. Very cozy place, cozy moments. While doing community service, I had only one thing in my mind. Since there was not much source of light, the sky formed a hallo effect. There was a large big circle around the moon. I keep turning around Zair, but she doesn't move, she doesn't call me. Like the big circle around the moon, I keep rotating around her. She is not my Sun, nor my Moon. Allah is providing the furthermost guidance. If we are drunk, still we shall keep our righteous way. Love dunk people sometimes could make mistakes. We all make mistakes, but disregarding the Higher Authority's rules and regulations would be the biggest mistake. So, stop for a minute now. As the Quaker Religion followers do, make a moment of silence. Religions are offering good guidance, as long as we know how to digest it with the modern world demands. Just like forcing the women to cover her hair, there are better, more modern options available. After all, she is gone, what is the point in discussing all these issues.
This time, we were in a church. There was a small concert. They were playing Middle Eastern music. All musicians were American, though. Interesting blend. I happen to make an unnecessary joke about the Virgin Mary statue in the church. Zair didn't like the joke at all. She though it was a discrimination of religions, whereas all religions guide the humans to one way, piece. I was ashamed of my attitude. I did all I can to make her forgive me. After all these years, I still remember that moment of "silence". Indeed, I was loud, and speaking to her, not a genuine silence at all. But, when you go back to that moment, and think how stupid it is to talk nonsense about other religion, with a huge lack of knowledge, then it is a "silence", asking myself over and over again why it was necessary to make such a joke. I listened to the religion of Christianity from a reverant in one church close to my college. It was the uneven times when I was about to lose her. Thinking the possibility of taking her back to where we met, I was uneven, lost, upset. The reverant was very friendly, spoke about his trip to Istanbul, visiting Blue Mosque. Whomever I talk about Turkey, they do mention about Blue Mosque. My ears are turning red, and in the past, during my uneven days, I was normal, but my heart was cripy red. I got cold now, sneezed a few moments ago. What if we were together, and I would make her sick as well. Not thinking about being healthy together, sick together. But, I would eat a raw uncooked chicken for her. Whatever she wants, I would like to hear it now. It was "leave me alone", the last wish I heard from her. I couldn't hear these sentences, when I was away from her. The faith and strong passion I feed towards this relation, always avoid me to forget about her. Imagining our kids lead me to face all sorts of difficulties and adventures in the land of opportunities. Now, still chasing the opportunities in the old school, historical grounds of Anatolia. I have firm belief about my way to happiness. If one's happiness is other's sorrow, what is the point. No, it is not like 3=4. It is not like A is B, B is C, then A is C. Not that philoffy stuff. She accused me of being philosophical in this blog, to me, Cafe is having a big trouble to solve this equation offered by Zair. She thinks that I was graduated with a Math degree. Sorry, I promised to do so, but then give up to finish earlier with a business major, and approach to her quicker. We all have dreams, and I wrote this sentence without looking at the screen. I don't look and lock at the keyboard, I know how tired the keys on the keyboard are, but they are the keys to my happiness. Here, I am offering some coffee break for busy people, business people, home lovers, sipping their cafes. Would you sleep or sip or slip? Imagine one cup of coffee, and think what you can do with it. For me, I would finish the mysterious cup of Turkish coffee as soon as possible, and close it. Open it up to read the grounds forming mystic images. Where are you Zair? You promised to meet me in this cup. Where are you? You were not waiting for me in bus stop we arranged, build together in the border of your wake-up time, and my best sleepy moments. I try to use the two hour time difference between us wisely enough. I wish you a happy new year, because it may not be a nice happy new year's eve for you, when I am in the land of nowhere for me. I would be lost in Baku, and I will enjoy it without you. I am not following you, I am not a maniac. I am following my destiny. I met you, I loved you, I fed my strong belief to do once what you want from me. Could not give up on my goals, when you offered me a hand in Baku, to study there together. Now, I am turning all my investments towards the city of Baku. If you read this post, please comment about Baku, and tell our loyal readers what is the meaning of Baku? I will be back later, just cannot put a final dot. If I have a boat to sail in Caspian Sea, would you come with me, so you can push me to the sea, and let me sink there. I am like a bottle, I will come back to the surface, don't worry. I am personally a message in a bottle. I am coming to your land for a while to give this message. You will have some time, don't worry. No tests are required. Bring in one piece of mind, and no glasses are allowed to cover your olive eyes. I forget to drink my shot of olive oil in the morning, to clean up my stomach. Would you kiss me one last time, so I can recover my loss of morning cleansing shot, and I love you a lot, just a lot to keep posting my past and present and future.
Signed and dated by: Cafe...